J: L looks absolutely mental. She's been on holiday in Corfu for two weeks. Her face has gone dark brown.

L: "I've been putting carrot oil on me skin."
M: "Yer look too brown."
L: "No I don't!"

me: Carrot oil? Carrot oil?!

J: I know, that's what I thought.

me: According to Google, carrot oil has the following properties:

13 chemicals - analgesic properties
2 chemicals - androgenic properties
4 chemicals - anti-alzheimeran activity
7 chemicals - anti-aggregant activity
3 chemicals - anorexic activity
7 chemicals - anti-acne
1 chemical - anti-aging
4 chemicals - anti-alzheimeran activity
7 chemicals - anti-asthmatic activity

Wait! There's this too:

'Carrot Oil also acts as a natural tanning enhancer, producing a visibly golden tan in a short amount of time.'

Some people.

J: That's all well and good but she looks MENTAL.

me: See this is why you should get yourself a CAMERA PHONE.

J: We have seen that carrot oil is reported to contain many health-giving chemicals, and also has tan-enhancing properties. But we must remember that it is something which ought to be used with moderation, and perhaps tested first on a part of the body which is usually covered by clothing.

me: No wait!

'How can the brazen quest for a beautiful tan and the need for protection from UVR be reconciled? You won't find the answer in any newly engineered chemicals. Nature holds the solution in Carrot Oil.'

J: Imagine if the next time you saw me I looked like Peter Sellers wearing make-up to look like an Indian man in that film, The Party. Right? That's what colour L has turned into.

me: That's not fair. You made me laugh at my desk. Do you think you could do the accent too?

J: Birdy num num.

me: You cow. I had to leave my desk for that.