him: um, bushra, um, can i have some, um, staples please?
me: i'll give you a ten second head start...
me: i'll give you a ten second head start...
all i have to do is call out hellooooo? at sister #2's, and before i know i'm staring right in the path of a charge of mini wildebeest, also known as sister #2's kids. i never manage to dodge them, so there's just no point trying anymore. the latest thing they are all screaming about is world book day on 1st march. and yes, they all require costumes. nephew #1 wanted to be peter pan, nephew #2 wanted to be the gingerbread man and i'm not sure about niece #2.
by the time sister #2 finally got round to mentioning it, nephew #1 offered to go without a costume but only if he gets to stay at home that day. niece #2 decided she'd wear her snow white costume again and nephew #2 still wanted to be a gingerbread man. any ideas?!
by the time sister #2 finally got round to mentioning it, nephew #1 offered to go without a costume but only if he gets to stay at home that day. niece #2 decided she'd wear her snow white costume again and nephew #2 still wanted to be a gingerbread man. any ideas?!
i used to love the kitchen at fudgeit towers. cleaning it up was fun. there were slamming doors, noise noise noise, sometimes a bit of quiet. somtimes i'd just sit at the table and stare out at the garden (of course, brother #1 would probably dispute all this, but hey, i doubt you spent as much as time as i did in there, eh?) niece #1 makes good tea now, so sometimes it's just me and her catching up, when i go visit. well her mainly still unable to understand why i moved to bradford. anyway. i read this today:
"OK, now look at this," he says. "You have a lot of works on paper, say, in a house. Why in the world would you go into that house and spray grease on to those works of paper, unless it was an idea that came to you to deteriorate that work in some way? And this is what cooking can do. Also, wherever you can smell that cooking, it must be landing on the walls and y'know what I mean. So it is unfortunate that kitchens are in a house. To my mind, they should be a side building, easily hosed out, cleaned, and the odours and all the stuff that go with it away from the workspace."
that's exactly how i feel about the kitchen here, in bradford. it's the second level below my room, and if a request for fried lamb kebabs comes through the smell fills the whole house. it's horrible. if i come back from work and i can smell the frying oil, i do a u-turn and hide out in sister #2's until the frying is over. i'll have to tell niece #1 that one of the good points about coming here is that i've never eaten (home-made) fried food ever since.
"OK, now look at this," he says. "You have a lot of works on paper, say, in a house. Why in the world would you go into that house and spray grease on to those works of paper, unless it was an idea that came to you to deteriorate that work in some way? And this is what cooking can do. Also, wherever you can smell that cooking, it must be landing on the walls and y'know what I mean. So it is unfortunate that kitchens are in a house. To my mind, they should be a side building, easily hosed out, cleaned, and the odours and all the stuff that go with it away from the workspace."
that's exactly how i feel about the kitchen here, in bradford. it's the second level below my room, and if a request for fried lamb kebabs comes through the smell fills the whole house. it's horrible. if i come back from work and i can smell the frying oil, i do a u-turn and hide out in sister #2's until the frying is over. i'll have to tell niece #1 that one of the good points about coming here is that i've never eaten (home-made) fried food ever since.
D2: Wyt ti'n iawn Bushra? 'Ti' sio paned?
me: i'm all right, thanks. i've got my bottle of coke so no tea for me.
i can't find a good online welsh to english translator, but apparently i had answered to 'are you all right bushra? would you like a cup of tea?'
me: i'm all right, thanks. i've got my bottle of coke so no tea for me.
i can't find a good online welsh to english translator, but apparently i had answered to 'are you all right bushra? would you like a cup of tea?'
called fudgeit towers earlier this morning, to wish sister #5 birthday greetings. yes, she got my card on time yesterday but i was a bit out of it last night and couldn't call her. she was very happy with her birthday card, customised with a photo of her and produced on personalisedmetoyou.com . it's those cards with the grey teddy bears with the blue noses? you can make custom cards online for about three quid which isn't bad. other news:
- niece #3, whose birthday is coming up in april, wants a card like sister #5's, but hers must have flowers and rainbows on it.
- a few years back niece #1 did a back flip off the sofa and banged her chin, leaving a very deep bite in her tongue. niece #4 tried to repeat the stunt yesterday but ended up with a cut on her forehead. who says girls behave the best? wait. that was me.
also. made pancakes yesterday. 25 in total. can you believe the family-in-law have never had pancakes before? there was no way they would have eaten them without the supplied vanilla ice cream and strawberry sauce. somehow i can't see myself making pancakes again though, hard work, innit.
- niece #3, whose birthday is coming up in april, wants a card like sister #5's, but hers must have flowers and rainbows on it.
- a few years back niece #1 did a back flip off the sofa and banged her chin, leaving a very deep bite in her tongue. niece #4 tried to repeat the stunt yesterday but ended up with a cut on her forehead. who says girls behave the best? wait. that was me.
also. made pancakes yesterday. 25 in total. can you believe the family-in-law have never had pancakes before? there was no way they would have eaten them without the supplied vanilla ice cream and strawberry sauce. somehow i can't see myself making pancakes again though, hard work, innit.
Jury sees 21 July 'burka escape': CCTV images of one of the 21 July bomb suspects apparently fleeing London in a Muslim veil have been shown in court.
um. is it bad of me if i say i can't wait to see these pictures?
um. is it bad of me if i say i can't wait to see these pictures?
friday IM with office person A.
A: if i was going to kill myself i wouldn't throw myself under a train. it would be very messy.
me: if i was going to kill myself i wouldn't throw myself under a train. it would be very messy. that's the best line i've received in an IM conversation.
A: is that one for your blog?
me: definitely!
A: it's true though, don't you think?
me: yeah. far too messy. and you can't always be sure of a result. unless you've tried before?
A: i haven't tried but i suppose you could fail and get something chopped off.
me: but then that could affect the aerodynamics of the jump the next time you try.
me: and so you'll probably get something else chopped off but still on this planet.
A: i can't say i'd thought about that. now who's saying strange things on im?
me: you started it.
A: if i was going to kill myself i wouldn't throw myself under a train. it would be very messy.
me: if i was going to kill myself i wouldn't throw myself under a train. it would be very messy. that's the best line i've received in an IM conversation.
A: is that one for your blog?
me: definitely!
A: it's true though, don't you think?
me: yeah. far too messy. and you can't always be sure of a result. unless you've tried before?
A: i haven't tried but i suppose you could fail and get something chopped off.
me: but then that could affect the aerodynamics of the jump the next time you try.
me: and so you'll probably get something else chopped off but still on this planet.
A: i can't say i'd thought about that. now who's saying strange things on im?
me: you started it.
really, they're just big kids, aren't they?
"We are looking to see whether we can provide children's GDAs too, but have to bear in mind that 65% of Frosties, for example, are eaten by men over 18."
"We are looking to see whether we can provide children's GDAs too, but have to bear in mind that 65% of Frosties, for example, are eaten by men over 18."
keep away from weirdo's you silly moose.
of course. because, with my anti-social earphones plugged in and a look on my face that usually says 'get out of my way' i'm pretty much an easy target, innit.
Office staff 'could weigh babies': usually when i see headlines i make my own quick reaction conclusions as to what they're about. i thought this story was about bringing your babies into work and letting your colleagues weigh them. see this is why i've really tried to adopt the 'think before speaking approach'.
of course. because, with my anti-social earphones plugged in and a look on my face that usually says 'get out of my way' i'm pretty much an easy target, innit.
Office staff 'could weigh babies': usually when i see headlines i make my own quick reaction conclusions as to what they're about. i thought this story was about bringing your babies into work and letting your colleagues weigh them. see this is why i've really tried to adopt the 'think before speaking approach'.
yet another office person failed to spot my sign and asked me about a projector.
later:
msg received: could I have a ticket to London please - 2nd March 09:30
msg sent: soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny.
later:
msg received: could I have a ticket to London please - 2nd March 09:30
msg sent: soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny.
wha...?
these days i get a train back to bradford interchange, as i have come to realise that waiting for a bus at 'interchange is much better than waiting for a bus on manor row in the cold/rain/snow/delete as appropriate (long story). anyway, walking through to the bus concourse yesterday when someone gently tapped my arm.
him: scuse me love...
me: ...
him: i do apologise...
me: ...
him: i fell asleep on t'train.
me: ...
him: i fell asleep on 'train, i do apologise.
me: ...
and off he went. honest, i was left that baffled by the whole thing i just about made it down the stairs. i relayed the whole incident to office person D1 in the hope that he might offer an explanation:
D1: ...
me: i figured you've been up here longer than i have...
D1: well. it's bradford isn't it, take your pick!
these days i get a train back to bradford interchange, as i have come to realise that waiting for a bus at 'interchange is much better than waiting for a bus on manor row in the cold/rain/snow/delete as appropriate (long story). anyway, walking through to the bus concourse yesterday when someone gently tapped my arm.
him: scuse me love...
me: ...
him: i do apologise...
me: ...
him: i fell asleep on t'train.
me: ...
him: i fell asleep on 'train, i do apologise.
me: ...
and off he went. honest, i was left that baffled by the whole thing i just about made it down the stairs. i relayed the whole incident to office person D1 in the hope that he might offer an explanation:
D1: ...
me: i figured you've been up here longer than i have...
D1: well. it's bradford isn't it, take your pick!
getcha head in the game
god, i remember waiting for high school musical on the disney channel. it really gripped people, didn't it. yes, i'm 28 and a fan of high school musical. the horror (no pun intended, given the news about haunted high school musical). anyway. office person G's very multi-talented daughter has been collecting the stickers for the high school musical panini sticker album, and, not one to give in so easily, G was sure to make her earn the stickers by completing various tasks before she handed them over.
sister #4 gave me a catch up call yesterday.
her: call-me-back-i've-got-no-credit-got-some-news-for-you-
me: ok -
her: (click)
me: (dials) ok. so what's this big news?
her: hang on. brother #1 will tell you.
me: ooh, sounds interesting.
him: hello.
me: hello.
him: guess what i got for the girls?
me: ha?
him: one high school musical panini sticker album, with all the stickers!
me: ...
him: ...
me: (that's the news?) ...
him: you were deprived of the panini sticker album phenomenon, weren't you?
me: yeah, but i understand the significance and all that. what i can't understand is how you gave in so easily. you know a colleague at work made her daughter earn her stickers, and i think you should have done the same.
him: nah, none of that for my girls. what my girls want, my girls get.
me: obviously. pushover.
him: whatever! and anyway, it's been put away for safekeeping.
so that's where niece #4 gets the attitude from. i won't repeat what she repeated on the phone yesterday, but oh, the air turned blue. do you know how she demands for a door to be opened for her? she'll stand there chanting 'O! O! open the door! O! O! open the door!' over and over at the top of her voice until someone gives in.
can you tell i was missing fudgeit towers yesterday?
god, i remember waiting for high school musical on the disney channel. it really gripped people, didn't it. yes, i'm 28 and a fan of high school musical. the horror (no pun intended, given the news about haunted high school musical). anyway. office person G's very multi-talented daughter has been collecting the stickers for the high school musical panini sticker album, and, not one to give in so easily, G was sure to make her earn the stickers by completing various tasks before she handed them over.
sister #4 gave me a catch up call yesterday.
her: call-me-back-i've-got-no-credit-got-some-news-for-you-
me: ok -
her: (click)
me: (dials) ok. so what's this big news?
her: hang on. brother #1 will tell you.
me: ooh, sounds interesting.
him: hello.
me: hello.
him: guess what i got for the girls?
me: ha?
him: one high school musical panini sticker album, with all the stickers!
me: ...
him: ...
me: (that's the news?) ...
him: you were deprived of the panini sticker album phenomenon, weren't you?
me: yeah, but i understand the significance and all that. what i can't understand is how you gave in so easily. you know a colleague at work made her daughter earn her stickers, and i think you should have done the same.
him: nah, none of that for my girls. what my girls want, my girls get.
me: obviously. pushover.
him: whatever! and anyway, it's been put away for safekeeping.
so that's where niece #4 gets the attitude from. i won't repeat what she repeated on the phone yesterday, but oh, the air turned blue. do you know how she demands for a door to be opened for her? she'll stand there chanting 'O! O! open the door! O! O! open the door!' over and over at the top of her voice until someone gives in.
can you tell i was missing fudgeit towers yesterday?
i'm baaaaaack.
at work, i mean. not bad so far, save for one little incident where someone asked me about the authenticity of my i am not part of office services sign:
her: is this sticker genuine?
me: i'm sorry, what?
her: (points) is this sticker genuine?
me: yes, yes it is.
her: do you know where i can leave my train ticket request forms?
me: ...
others are hovering a bit, but i've stuck my earphones on.
at work, i mean. not bad so far, save for one little incident where someone asked me about the authenticity of my i am not part of office services sign:
her: is this sticker genuine?
me: i'm sorry, what?
her: (points) is this sticker genuine?
me: yes, yes it is.
her: do you know where i can leave my train ticket request forms?
me: ...
others are hovering a bit, but i've stuck my earphones on.
finally, an almost unfamiliar feeling that i might be getting better. no really. tissue box count is at nine, and i'm able to breathe (and don't forget smell) through my nose again. lucozade didn't work, but coca cola sure did. lots of it. eek. in the meantime i've just spent days blowing my nose, and monitoring the weather. i hate it up here when it's cold, and trust me, it is really cold. i don't even need to stick the coca cola in the fridge, half an hour by my window and it's ice cold! this fleece will need to be surgically removed when i try and get back into the office next week (only for me to stick my other office fleece on when i get there).
stumbled (like you do) on this blog called Kill Hubby. thought it might be useful but no, it's about a guy one year into his marriage who is determined not to become a 'hubby' and will watch his football instead of going to the garden centre, hear him roar. i dunno, i was thinking maybe the title Kill Wifey was more apt.
stumbled (like you do) on this blog called Kill Hubby. thought it might be useful but no, it's about a guy one year into his marriage who is determined not to become a 'hubby' and will watch his football instead of going to the garden centre, hear him roar. i dunno, i was thinking maybe the title Kill Wifey was more apt.
situation report.
sister #2: how are you today then?
me: well, i went to pick up more tissues yesterday.
sister #2: what?! but you bought two boxes on monday!
me: they're gone. all gone.
sister #2: ...
me: i bought a pack of three this time to be safe.
sister #2: oh my god.
me: i know. and my nose is still blocked.
sister #2: ...
i'm on a bradford liquid diet right now, aka lucozade and not much else. will i turn orange, do you think?
sister #2: how are you today then?
me: well, i went to pick up more tissues yesterday.
sister #2: what?! but you bought two boxes on monday!
me: they're gone. all gone.
sister #2: ...
me: i bought a pack of three this time to be safe.
sister #2: oh my god.
me: i know. and my nose is still blocked.
sister #2: ...
i'm on a bradford liquid diet right now, aka lucozade and not much else. will i turn orange, do you think?