those who have opted in will be getting new office phones soon. we had three options but i recommended the HTC tytn (or the vodafone v1605) to the team. very much like my xda mini s, only the next version up. email on the move. we're slowly becoming 24 hour office people.
D1: so bushra, i've let the authority know it's the V1605 i want.
me: very good.
D2: so you're getting that one, are you?
D1: yep.
D2: how big are these things anyway?
me: well, it's about the same size as this one.
D2: god, that's massive!
me: you could clip it to your belt.
D2: obviously, with a big bunch of keys to go with it!
D1: you could use it on the train!
D2: of course you could. 'why, is that a communication device in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?'
G: hey, no wonder your son wanted that other phone!
D1: so bushra, i've let the authority know it's the V1605 i want.
me: very good.
D2: so you're getting that one, are you?
D1: yep.
D2: how big are these things anyway?
me: well, it's about the same size as this one.
D2: god, that's massive!
me: you could clip it to your belt.
D2: obviously, with a big bunch of keys to go with it!
D1: you could use it on the train!
D2: of course you could. 'why, is that a communication device in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?'
G: hey, no wonder your son wanted that other phone!
my outlook has disappeared. well, i had all of office, then it was uninstalled, and reinstalled. only without outlook, excel and powerpoint. so i call IT.
him: IT, fred speaking.
me: is that fred in birmingham?
him: hel-lo!
yep, it was fred in birmingham. any of the office people remember fred? anyway. he does that remote access thingy and starts doing things on my pc while i get stuck on the most suicidal sounding hold music.
me: this hold music is awful.
C: really?
me: yeah. here, i'll put it on speakerphone.
C: oh that really is awful.
G: that's our hold music?
C: yes it is.
G: that's terrible.
as the final notes play out our shoulders slump, my face almost hits my desk as the last note is stretched out. followed by silence.
fred: bushraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
yep. everyone heard that.
him: IT, fred speaking.
me: is that fred in birmingham?
him: hel-lo!
yep, it was fred in birmingham. any of the office people remember fred? anyway. he does that remote access thingy and starts doing things on my pc while i get stuck on the most suicidal sounding hold music.
me: this hold music is awful.
C: really?
me: yeah. here, i'll put it on speakerphone.
C: oh that really is awful.
G: that's our hold music?
C: yes it is.
G: that's terrible.
as the final notes play out our shoulders slump, my face almost hits my desk as the last note is stretched out. followed by silence.
fred: bushraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
yep. everyone heard that.
blast from the past.
apart from the authority part 2, who is the techiest member of staff, D and i have a fair bit of techiness as well.
me: tea?
him: no, but when you get back i need your help with something.
me: wha? ok?
later.
me: right, what's up?
him: now, we're promising not to laugh, but i've got this phone -
me: ...
him: we said we wouldn't laugh.
me: that's your phone?
him: yes. yes it is. only look at this error. i can't do anything. what d'you think it is?
me: uh, when's the last time you used this?
him: a very long time ago.
me: there you go. back in the day when these phones were issued, which, whoa, was a very long time ago, they disconnected you if you didn't top up your credit.
him: so what do i do?
me: take it to vodafone. they might unlock it. or more than likely they'll sell you a new sim card. but then it depends on whether you can find a sales assistant old enough to recognise that phone in the first place.
C: bushra, are you picking on D?
me: me? what? no! have you seen this phone?! wait. i'm going to google it. look at that. it doesn't even have a vibrate alert!
him: ah, what do you need a vibrate alert for anyway? this has a little light that flashes.
me: it says here this phone was introduced in 1999.
C: and what, you must have been about 12 years old back then, bushra?
me: what are you planning to do with it, anyway?
him: my son wants it for school.
me: your son? you're going to give it to your son?!
him: yeah, i'm not going to splash out on one when i've got a perfectly good phone right here.
me: if your son takes that phone to school, he might end up hating you.
him: no, no he wants this phone!
me: he actually wants that phone?
him: yeah!
me: is your family, like, amish or something?
C: bushra. stop it. now.
me: all right. but don't say i didn't warn you. mmkay?
apart from the authority part 2, who is the techiest member of staff, D and i have a fair bit of techiness as well.
me: tea?
him: no, but when you get back i need your help with something.
me: wha? ok?
later.
me: right, what's up?
him: now, we're promising not to laugh, but i've got this phone -
me: ...
him: we said we wouldn't laugh.
me: that's your phone?
him: yes. yes it is. only look at this error. i can't do anything. what d'you think it is?
me: uh, when's the last time you used this?
him: a very long time ago.
me: there you go. back in the day when these phones were issued, which, whoa, was a very long time ago, they disconnected you if you didn't top up your credit.
him: so what do i do?
me: take it to vodafone. they might unlock it. or more than likely they'll sell you a new sim card. but then it depends on whether you can find a sales assistant old enough to recognise that phone in the first place.
C: bushra, are you picking on D?
me: me? what? no! have you seen this phone?! wait. i'm going to google it. look at that. it doesn't even have a vibrate alert!
him: ah, what do you need a vibrate alert for anyway? this has a little light that flashes.
me: it says here this phone was introduced in 1999.
C: and what, you must have been about 12 years old back then, bushra?
me: what are you planning to do with it, anyway?
him: my son wants it for school.
me: your son? you're going to give it to your son?!
him: yeah, i'm not going to splash out on one when i've got a perfectly good phone right here.
me: if your son takes that phone to school, he might end up hating you.
him: no, no he wants this phone!
me: he actually wants that phone?
him: yeah!
me: is your family, like, amish or something?
C: bushra. stop it. now.
me: all right. but don't say i didn't warn you. mmkay?
reasons why this job can be fun
you can have the odd race with the authority part 2 in leeds station. especially when it's busy.
reasons why this job can be no fun
got an hour?
you can have the odd race with the authority part 2 in leeds station. especially when it's busy.
reasons why this job can be no fun
got an hour?
rant on a sunday.
sister in law A and i tried to watch some entourage yesterday. wanted to decide whether it was worth it. from the couple of minutes i did see, i didn't think much of it. the twins were about. and yes, they had hit thirteen the day before but we decided that entourage may not be for them:
me: argh! why do they take really good ideas for TV shows and make them unwatchable? it's like, all swearing, sex and violence! you know what this is? this is a kick back to the muslims! you terrorise us, we'll make our TV even more badder! and it's not like you or me or the football playing twins have terrorised them, but no, here we are, stuck with the disney channel watching recess and that's so raven!
them: ...
tragic that we're hanging off our seats to watch high school musical.
sister in law A and i tried to watch some entourage yesterday. wanted to decide whether it was worth it. from the couple of minutes i did see, i didn't think much of it. the twins were about. and yes, they had hit thirteen the day before but we decided that entourage may not be for them:
me: argh! why do they take really good ideas for TV shows and make them unwatchable? it's like, all swearing, sex and violence! you know what this is? this is a kick back to the muslims! you terrorise us, we'll make our TV even more badder! and it's not like you or me or the football playing twins have terrorised them, but no, here we are, stuck with the disney channel watching recess and that's so raven!
them: ...
tragic that we're hanging off our seats to watch high school musical.
my dictionary vocabulary appears to have been reduced to the words 'argh' and 'grr' and 'hello ickle baby' lately. work things keep falling to pieces, just when i'm trying to get stuff done. i used to be so glad it's friday but now i dread the weekends because they have to come to an end. i thought it was going to be nice quiet day when a noisy hotdesker arrived:
her: do you know where _______'s office is?
me: (thinks: never heard of him, but i didn't know you get your own office round here) no, sorry.
her: it says here he's near some meeting rooms. aren't these meeting rooms right here?
me: ...
others: ...
fortunately someone at a neighbouring desk came to her aid. only for her to hotdesk right behind me. so much for a quiet friday where i could get things done. here she goes:
'hello? yes, this is the phone call you didn't want! ha. ha. ha!'
want more? i couldn't. oh, go on then:
'hello? couldn't get hold of you yesterday..oh you had the day off? did you have a good day? because we didn't! ha. ha. ha!'
every second sentence ends with a 'yeah?' and i'm not the only one who can hear her. thank god for office IM:
D: Why use a phone when you can shout eh?
me: funny isn't it, how most of her calls cut out....
her: do you know where _______'s office is?
me: (thinks: never heard of him, but i didn't know you get your own office round here) no, sorry.
her: it says here he's near some meeting rooms. aren't these meeting rooms right here?
me: ...
others: ...
fortunately someone at a neighbouring desk came to her aid. only for her to hotdesk right behind me. so much for a quiet friday where i could get things done. here she goes:
'hello? yes, this is the phone call you didn't want! ha. ha. ha!'
want more? i couldn't. oh, go on then:
'hello? couldn't get hold of you yesterday..oh you had the day off? did you have a good day? because we didn't! ha. ha. ha!'
every second sentence ends with a 'yeah?' and i'm not the only one who can hear her. thank god for office IM:
D: Why use a phone when you can shout eh?
me: funny isn't it, how most of her calls cut out....
brother #4 has been giving me missed calls all day from a private number. grr.
me: what! what is it?
him: i have a joke.
me: oh. ok.
him: has sister #4 told you it?
me: no, why?
him: i thought she might but she didn't come up with it! i did! okay! i did!
me: well go on then.
him: what kind of houses do al-qaeda live in?
me: ...
him: terraced houses. get it!
me: hmm.
him: 's funny innit?
me: you've been calling me all day for that?
i later share the joke with the office people. the authority part 2 loved it. C relayed it to her partner on the phone.
her: yep. tumbleweed.
me: hey, it's brother #4's, not mine.
me: what! what is it?
him: i have a joke.
me: oh. ok.
him: has sister #4 told you it?
me: no, why?
him: i thought she might but she didn't come up with it! i did! okay! i did!
me: well go on then.
him: what kind of houses do al-qaeda live in?
me: ...
him: terraced houses. get it!
me: hmm.
him: 's funny innit?
me: you've been calling me all day for that?
i later share the joke with the office people. the authority part 2 loved it. C relayed it to her partner on the phone.
her: yep. tumbleweed.
me: hey, it's brother #4's, not mine.
aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh. sit down. this will take a looooooong time.
it's been a long week. not that it feels like a week. it doesn't feel like a friday. i dunno, i don't think i can feel a thing.
so sister #1 finally has a child of her own. i didn't dare mention how she was pregnant because i didn't want to be hasty at all. what was even more frustrating was the pressure, now that she was pregnant, to have a baby boy (imagine, keeping the elders of the killing ground waiting for twenty years only to produce a girl. awful, innit). when she went for a scan we decided against finding out if the baby would be a boy or a girl, at that point sister #1 was happy about having a baby full stop. i could go into the full details but i think this log of my sleep patterns might help:
saturday night: sister #1 pleads with me to stay at hers, she's in pain. i finally fall asleep at midnight in N's room...
sunday morning: ...only to wake up at 4am to the sound of breathing. not darth vader style, but still, waking up in a strange room, total darkness and you can hear someone else breathing. of course it was sister #1. we spend a couple of hours at BRI but there's not going to be anything happening so it's home again. i spent the entire day trying to sleep but no luck. i leave a phone with sister #1 to call me, i need to sleep in my own bed. finally get to sleep at midnight. again.
monday morning: sister #1 calls at 1am (yes, that's right. one hour of sleep.) we head for BRI again. five hours later her waters break and she's finally allowed the gas. for the next ten hours i jump up every five minutes to administer said gas (sister #1 was in too much pain to hang on to the pump thing whatsit) and provide a hand for her to crush until the pain subsides. at one point she caught me laughing at her gas-induced rants. finally, a total of fifteen hours later nephew #5 arrives, but not before creating his own ER-type frenzy. i won't go into detail but it did get scary. thinking about it now those midwives worked really fast.
i spent the next couple of days as a helper to sister #1, as a named person can come in and help from 7.30am until 9pm. any excuse to stare at my new nephew all day long. sister #1 came home on wednesday, so i left her in the care of her family in law and went home and slept.
and now i've finally woken up and figured i need to get her a card and a present. feuding aunts (the kind that are all nice to yer face and all that) have been trying to outdo each other in the teddy bear stakes. last night there was a monster of a teddy bear in his cot and i began to fear for nephew #5. the nightmares!
i consulted office person C on what this cool aunt could get and she suggested hellwear. oh yes, when i have kids they're going to wear baby grows that say 'My Mum Rocks!' but i think that with their slightly stepford tendencies sister #1's family in law wouldn't be too impressed. so i bought a night-light/baby monitor. sucker.
it's been a long week. not that it feels like a week. it doesn't feel like a friday. i dunno, i don't think i can feel a thing.
so sister #1 finally has a child of her own. i didn't dare mention how she was pregnant because i didn't want to be hasty at all. what was even more frustrating was the pressure, now that she was pregnant, to have a baby boy (imagine, keeping the elders of the killing ground waiting for twenty years only to produce a girl. awful, innit). when she went for a scan we decided against finding out if the baby would be a boy or a girl, at that point sister #1 was happy about having a baby full stop. i could go into the full details but i think this log of my sleep patterns might help:
saturday night: sister #1 pleads with me to stay at hers, she's in pain. i finally fall asleep at midnight in N's room...
sunday morning: ...only to wake up at 4am to the sound of breathing. not darth vader style, but still, waking up in a strange room, total darkness and you can hear someone else breathing. of course it was sister #1. we spend a couple of hours at BRI but there's not going to be anything happening so it's home again. i spent the entire day trying to sleep but no luck. i leave a phone with sister #1 to call me, i need to sleep in my own bed. finally get to sleep at midnight. again.
monday morning: sister #1 calls at 1am (yes, that's right. one hour of sleep.) we head for BRI again. five hours later her waters break and she's finally allowed the gas. for the next ten hours i jump up every five minutes to administer said gas (sister #1 was in too much pain to hang on to the pump thing whatsit) and provide a hand for her to crush until the pain subsides. at one point she caught me laughing at her gas-induced rants. finally, a total of fifteen hours later nephew #5 arrives, but not before creating his own ER-type frenzy. i won't go into detail but it did get scary. thinking about it now those midwives worked really fast.
i spent the next couple of days as a helper to sister #1, as a named person can come in and help from 7.30am until 9pm. any excuse to stare at my new nephew all day long. sister #1 came home on wednesday, so i left her in the care of her family in law and went home and slept.
and now i've finally woken up and figured i need to get her a card and a present. feuding aunts (the kind that are all nice to yer face and all that) have been trying to outdo each other in the teddy bear stakes. last night there was a monster of a teddy bear in his cot and i began to fear for nephew #5. the nightmares!
i consulted office person C on what this cool aunt could get and she suggested hellwear. oh yes, when i have kids they're going to wear baby grows that say 'My Mum Rocks!' but i think that with their slightly stepford tendencies sister #1's family in law wouldn't be too impressed. so i bought a night-light/baby monitor. sucker.