fudge it

it was s'posed to be so eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasy

at the office on friday:

G: so bushra, what are you doing this bank holiday weekend?
me: is it august bank holiday already? why, i'm going to chill out and do nothing.

bank holiday monday afternoon, after a 1am start:

her: can i just check these with you?
me: um, what? yes.
her: just to confirm these tags both say nephew #5, born 15:44 on the 28th of august 2006.
me: that's right!

i'm telling you, i can only describe it as a rollercoaster ride. i just need to stop saying 'i wanna go again!', due to the odd stares and awkward silences that follow.

bushra | permalink | |

the other day, i was showing photos of the beach we went to in cornwall, to sister in law A.

twin A: ugh, that sand doesn't look nice.
me: if you carry on like that, you're going to have facial hair to match that bitchiness.
sister in law A: ha ha!

bushra | permalink | |

[14:05] Meebo Message: AndAllTheSaintz is online
[14:06] AndAllTheSaintz: hmph
[14:07] fudgeit2678: hmph yourself
[14:08] AndAllTheSaintz: u goto the market?
[14:08] fudgeit2678: god no.
[14:08] AndAllTheSaintz: but
[14:08] AndAllTheSaintz: the CREPES!
[14:08] AndAllTheSaintz: what about the crepes
[14:08] fudgeit2678: is that like a typo? do you mean creeps?

bushra | permalink | |

the microwave oven. no home on the killing ground is complete without it.

the father in law is going to be at home for a while, recovering from some major surgery. i always check if he needs anything from the shops, and his most recent request was porridge. the M & S at leeds station only has 'quick porridge', the kind you can make in the microwave, but he was happy with that as the mother in law could still make it in a pan. the thing is twin B discovered it.'aha!' she said, 'quick porridge!' she read the instructions and put two scoops in a bowl and stuck it in the microwave. i'm assuming she didn't have her glasses on because she forgot to add water.

sister in law A: i can smell burning.
twin B: eh? my porridge!
sister in law A: what are you making?
twin B: porridge, duh!
sister in law A: you're meant to put some milk or water in it, duh!

it's an age thing i think. one of the girls at sister #1's was in the same year as the twins at primary school, and last weekend she put a tin of beans in the microwave.

bushra | permalink | |

sister in law A and i have become total gossip mongers. we read heat, watch soaps all the time, and uh, watched big brother.

me: hey! guess what!
her: what?
me: that girl from the apprentice lost her baby.
her: ah. that's sad.
twin B: how did she lose it?
me: she left it at a bus stop somewhere.
twin B: ... oh.
me: you are such a sucker!
twin B: ha? no, really?

bushra | permalink | |

just go home.

my head hurts. i did a silly thing today didn't get lunch until about 2pm. and so i was all dizzy as i wandered around the city centre, and whacked my nose on a rogue shopping rail. in my defence it didn't have any merchandise on it and M & S so need to sort their lighting out. honest. i would have cried if S & N from sister #1's weren't there.

bushra | permalink | |

just spent an hour IM'ing incandescens about a query:

me: i need tea!
her: sympathy.

bushra | permalink | |

at sister #1's, and talk as always turns to the usual. kids:

S: bushra, you know when you are, let us be the first to know, okay?
me: if you don't mind, but i think i'd like to be the first to know, thanks.

earlier this weekend, sister in law A was yelling from the rooftops about how the last prophet was streaming on the internet. the twins however thought she was ranting about how they'd left their trainers lying around again:

sister in law A: guess what! the last prophet isn't out yet and it's on the internet!
twin A: good for him.
me: what? did you just say that?
twin A: what?
sister in law A: oh my god! she did!
twin A: what?! what?! what did you say to me?

bushra | permalink | |

i just want to move, i don't care what the song's about

i have the day off tomorrow. ah, a break you think. wait.

it's niece #1's birthday tomorrow. i need to get her a cake this lunchtime. but first thing i have a two hour driving lesson (i haven't had one for nearly two months, because i've been too ill/tired/out of it, i need some motivation, pleeeease). if the weather isn't so bad we head to the best park in britain (it's just around the corner) and check out the latest at cartwright hall. i told niece #1 i'd let her go crazy in the souvenir shop - more than just pencils, trust me - for her birthday present. plus she'd be able to get something for her dad, who is taking her back to birmingham on saturday.

but anyway. this track will probably be the soundtrack to the cutting of niece #1's cake.

bushra | permalink | |

'she ain't funny when she's angry...'

the father in law returned from a pretty long spell stay in hospital over the weekend. so we've had visitors coming round all day, sister #1 says i had better help the mother in law with making tea and biscuits or the more popular option of fruit and rubicon mango/guava/delete as appropriate, as it will be a time to prove my worth as a suitable daughter in law. whatever. when i got home from work yesterday i had to get into things and continuously make new trays of fruit and juice, or make tea, or wash the last set of tea cups for the new wave, all evening. i grabbed a new washing bowl for the washing up, and warned sister in law A not to use it on the rest of the house, which can include scrubbing the carpet. sunday:

me: leave this one in the kitchen, okay? this one is just for the dishes.
her: okay.

monday evening, me at the bottom of the stairs, sister in law in the highest room on the house:

me: hey! did you use the bowl from the kitchen?
her: no, no i didn't!
twin A: she says she didn't.
me: then where has the bowl from the kitchen gone?
her: eyeano!
twin A: she doesn't know.
me: yes she does. she knows she's used the kitchen one but she's too afraid to admit it. and i know she's used it because she left hers in your brother's bedroom, still full of water. don't tell her i know, i'm going to sort this out later.
twin A: oooh, ok.

later, in the brother in law's bedroom, which boasts a giant widescreen tv, sky tv, a playstation 2 and broadband internet, which is why we all hang around in there when they're out:

me: you're absolutely sure you didn't use the bowl from the kitchen?
her: i'm sure i'm sure.
me: you've got a chance to come clean. you didn't use the bowl from the kitchen?
her: i didn't!
me: i know you did! d'you know how i know? because you left the one you normally use right here in front of the mirror!
her: ...

at which point is violence an option?

(rant over. i needed the closure. i'm not doing too good, okay?)

bushra | permalink | |

what is wrong with me?

i can't believe i managed to blog about the wedding i went to on saturday, without mentioning the fight between competing ice cream vans outside the reception hall. i also can't believe i didn't mention that it led to one of the ice cream van owners getting stabbed.

bushra | permalink | |

went to the only bradford wedding this year. the only one of sort-of significance, anyway. i don't even look at invites, if it's family or my sisters tell me that i have to go, then maybe. just to interrupt and state this this product is the bees knees. anyway. it's also a time to catch up with most of the kids on the killing ground, without looking like an ageing wannabe cool aunt. avoid 90% of others at all costs. they'll be dissin the embroidery on your silk scarf the second your back is turned, miaow. anyway, i let one of the girls make a video on my camera while we waited to eat.

her: you're so lucky bushra lives with you. she's so funny.
twin A: she's not funny when she's angry.

bushra | permalink | |

the football playing twins are now the proud owners of pink hoodies. twin A decided to try hers on under her denim jacket.

her: i like the sleeves on this.
me: why?
her: they're very long.
me: ok.
her: there. it looks very cool with my denim jacket on as well.
me: you look like a hoodie.
her: do i?
me: yes, except you're pink.
her: i look cool, man, innit.
twin B: you need to take the tag off.
her: oh. oh yeah.

bushra | permalink | |

so. an airline terror plot has been disrupted (disrupted?), and users are sending in their experiences and thoughts to the BBC website. i read one message that left me with no other option but to interrupt my partner-in-crime office person C:

me: now. i know this latest terrorist plot is serious, and i can see you were really engrossed and working hard -
her: i'm not.
me: oh, ok. it's just that who would take travel scrabble with them on their honeymoon?
her: oh my god. let me see. well, what do you expect, his partner is called audrey for a start.
me: they're all set for a happy marriage, aren't they?

bushra | permalink | |

she's mad, that one.

as much as i want to, i will not blog about work.
as much as i want to, i will not blog about work.
as much as i want to, i will not blog about work.

there. that should do it.

the nieces are around. when i went to sister #2's to collect niece #4 sister #2 stood in front of her to hide her from me. but niece #4 won't have any of that. niece #1 summed it up perfectly last week: 'i wish you didn't have to be married. you're the best'. awwww.

i tell you what's funny. sister #5 and i are kind of getting on. actually having like, civilised conversations. none of the screaming and shouting. maybe she just misses having someone to have a good argument with.

god, i wish i could kick someone.

bushra | permalink | |

"The idea of beating someone decorated as your boss seems attractive."

(disclaimer: i'm not saying i want to beat up the authority part 2, i'm just using the best line from the link. honest.)

bushra | permalink | |

a kind of regular day in the office today. after an office member pointed out i haven't been making as many teas as the others lately (well, ok i haven't made any, but that's only because they are always offering and just when i think it's time to make tea someone else gets up and offers to make the tea. i know, i know. no excuse), i sent out invites to all the team members to join teabuddy.com. there's not much functionality other than setting milk and sugar preferences and keeping track of how many times you made the tea, but it's something i suppose, and would you need anything more than to set your milk and sugar preferences?

i can't tell you the name of our teabuddy group, it's based on an idea C and i have come up with to automate the provision of tea for office workers. because as C puts it, 'it's tea time all the time'. it has potential!

anyway. that's not what i wanted to blog about. sometimes you read a news story and it just makes you laugh:

Live bombs in court create chaos: When Captain Tareq Rahman Khan of the Rapid Action Battalion (RAB) saw the Public Prosecutor, Shahidul Islam, uncovering the explosives in front of the judge, he admitted suffering temporary heart failure.

bushra | permalink | |

hello mini-moto.

remember the kid driving around the killing ground on his mini motorbike? in the recent hot weather he was joined by relatives on a quad bike and a giant go kart. i know. for some odd reason they have managed to whizz around without hitting one of the many teeny tiny kids playing outside. apparently the kid on the mini-moto hit a kid in lister park. sister in law A was tempted to report him to the police, but the father in law stopped her because he didn't want the house windows getting smashed.

niece #2 needed a green outfit for school recently, her headteacher was leaving, and the school decided to have a green day because she was from ireland. so i was dragged along with sister #2 to white abbey road and browse the clothes shops to find an outfit. anyway. white abbey road is a bit of a killer. you really can't cross it, and on the way back up we saw an idiot on a mini moto driving along the cars. he came so close to getting squashed, but no, unlucky.

apparently mini-motorbike riders who break the law on public land could be fined or see their machines confiscated and crushed. how cool would it be if you could have like public crushings, you could bring the crusher to the killing ground and everyone can watch. but wait. bradford isn't one of the areas to receive cash as part of these new plans. bugger.

bushra | permalink | |

i'm posting this here in the hope that it makes you feel as good as i did on this rainy tuesday afternoon, in the office:

Dear Bushra,

Your O2 bill for 01/08/06 is ready for you to view online. The balance on your account shows that you do not owe us any money. You need take no further action.

honest, if i could, i'd randomly shout out BOGEYS!

bushra | permalink | |

T? ys pls!

me: whoa!
C: what?
me: office communicator!
C: i already have that.
me: and you don't use it?
C: nope.
me: well i have it now. we can chat!
C: yes, but bushra, you're sitting right opposite me.
me: i know, but still! look! there you are! oh wait, you've disappeared.
C: you've disappeared as well.
authority: what's happening?
both: office communicator.
authority: i see. how are you getting on?
me: we're disappearing. we're signed on but we're not online.
authority: tea?
me: yes, we're going to need tea please. woo hoo! there you are!
C: and there you are!
me: ooh, emoticons. here, have a snail.
her: and for you, a wilted flower.
me: wait, what is the difference between a left hug and a right hug?
authority: this reminds me of my last job, we handed out awards before we left, and the winner for the silliest use of technology was a guy who sent an instant message in a meeting, asking the recipient to hand him a chocolate biscuit.
her: that's awful.
authority: i know. i was the one who handed over the biscuit!

silence.

authority: i think we're all talking to each other now.
C: hmmm, i don't like it.

bushra | permalink | |