fudge it

the usb. where is the usb?

the authority part 2 has just called himself a gynaecologist after climbing on the desks to plug something into the back of a pc.

me: did you just plug a usb cable in there?
him: yes.
me: i'm sure there's this panel on the front of the pc for that. you just need to pull that front lid back.
him: ah, so there is. bollocks.
me: i win. again.
him: have you been on a course called 'how to make friends and influence people?'
me: nope.
him: that's obvious.

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pictures to follow.

i didn't do much this bank holiday weekend really. i watched some dvds: x-men, x-men 2, the aviator, the human stain, intolerable cruelty, and napoleon dynamite. well. that set off a whole bunch of scoubidou making, and i can't decide on whether i should name one of them 'vote for pedro'.

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weeeeeeell. i've been watching tv here and there lately, sometimes i go into the main living room and i'm straight back out of the door when i find the in-laws watching their pakistani tv channels (no offence, but they're a bit too loud for my liking).

last week sister in law A was watching a BBC 2 show about this guy called Raj, who was setting up his own tv channel Raj TV (what else). i sat for a bit and watched how Raj was falling apart as his filming crew were nowhere to be seen and he had guests waiting for an interview. so he's panicking and then eventually they turn up, they'd gone to pick up something to eat. in their loudest brummie accents they insisted he told them filming would start at half four, not half three. i mention the brummie accents because i could have sworn one of the guys works in the apple store at the bullring, and when he's got his apple t-shirt on he talks techy stuff with this american accent.

but whatever. here's a thing about Raj TV. the shaadi show: 'Watch as blushing brides around the globe take those first tentative steps down the path to marital bliss and experience for yourselves the glitz and glamour, romance and emotions of weddings old and new.' oh, they're tentative all right, you try strolling around in 3 and a half inch heels! forget ' you've been framed', you can send in your wedding video to Raj TV for all to see! amazing. so we sat there scrutinising the jewellery, the dresses, and of course the venues. i haven't seen one in a sports hall yet, but we were watching this wedding in a posh place, and while the photographer tried to get the couple to look like they'd known each other for years, the cameraman decided to focus on the magnificent chandelier, the fake plastic roses, the wonderful curtains. and now we have the father of the groom, who delivered a speech and disappeared. but then he gets called back for some reason. he forgot to put the garlands on the happy couple. wait, where are the garlands? cut to a woman bursting at the folds of her sari, producing a pair of garlands from a morrisons carrier bag. class-eh!

(of course, i can talk. the only way i managed to get through the bradford leg of my wedding was by staring in disbelief at the giant board shrieking 'have you been in an accident and it wasn't your fault and it was in the last three years?')

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this one is going to labmonkie. as far as i know, EAL and the IO would like one. and i've also sent a bunch of them off to brian. crikey. i think i might have to start charging people soon.

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the office is a bit deserted today. i was going to go down to birmingham for the day tomorrow, but this plan is out because the dad is on his way up. and he's taking sister #2 and her crew back down with him for the half term. it's going to be sooooooo quiet round here. on the downside i have to phone the nieces tonight and tell them i won't be seeing them, they've been pestering their mum about it for days. never mind. sister #4 has sent me some krispy kremes.

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why? why would you do that?

'Well thank you Times Online! Thank you for putting a big, fat picture of the winning American Idol on your homepage and thus RUINING all suspense and suprise when I watch the final (aired on on UK tv TOMMOROW). In fact, thank you for ruining my friday evening. And, no, I don't have a life!'


oh. so that's how brother #4 must have felt when i gave away the plot to 24 series 1. i saw about 10 minutes of the current series t'other day. a bit samey, innit?

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always outnumbered. always.

we all know the family in law are liverpool fans, but did you know they were england fans too? no, neither did i. until last saturday, when we were at the supermarket.

the mister: should we get some of those england flags?
me: what?
him: the other cars have them out, we should get them.
me: what?
him: er, to show our support?
me: our support?
him: what do you think?
twin B: yeah, put them on!
me: what? no!

yesterday afternoon:

me: oh. my. god!
the mister: what?
me: you know what!
him: er, it were goin' cheap?

yesterday evening:

twin B is shouting a shopping list out of the front living room window to sister in law A.

her: get chocolate! and crisps! and coke! oh, and bread! and ah he's got the flag! bushra! he got the england flag! he's got the flag on his car -
me: yes! i know! thank you very much!

only for it to get soaked in the rain this morning. do people really think these things out?

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anyone with sympathy for realists having momentary lapses: please please please don't take the cadbury's dairy milk with creme egg bars away.

although i've just had one and gotten a bit of a headache.

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catching up with karen on the phone, this is K of the ohmigosssshhhh and getting a wedding dress practically hours before her wedding fame. and nothing could sum our catch ups more than K asking 'so what phone have you got now?'

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some better pictures of the cow and calf rocks i flickr'd a couple of weeks ago, by sovietuk.

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tv is mad in this house. we, that's me, the twins and sister in law A always plan to watch this and that, but either the father in law has the remote or there's visitors. so we try the brother in law's widescreen telly in the attic, but no, there's a very important match on. of course that just leaves me and sister in law A, because the twins are right there in the middle of the match too. but somehow, some way, we always manage to group for everybody hates chris.

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finally! got round to taking some pictures (pretty crap ones, can't seem to get decent pictures of them these days) of scoubidous i've been making lately. there have been more but i've been giving them away as soon as i finish them. oops.

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hey. are you one of my friend or family contacts on flickr? don't you just love the pictures of the nieces and nephews? well, i finally got around to uploading some pictures of some birthday parties tonight. there's been three so far. three! who says i have no social life, eh? anyway. look out for the one of sister #5 looking very deranged after cutting niece #3's birthday cake, she's the one waving a knife around. other favourites include niece #3 looking totally out of it at niece #2's birthday party, and the ones on nephew #1's birthday where nephew #2 is bawling his eyes out because he didn't get any presents and niece #2 stepping over the nephews lying on the floor. it's amazing i've lived to tell the tale.

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it's funny, when i get really really busy at work i start missing the nieces. so i called them on my way into work this morning, before they set off for school. niece #1 is writing a report about hedgehogs, and then it was time for niece #3's shy updates. shy because ever since i moved away, she has to get used to me being around her for more than five minutes before she really opens up. but she seems ok on the phone.

niece #3: bushra!
me: hello!
her: do you know what happened yesterday?
me: what?
her: a boy in my class threw a big piece of lego at me.
me: no!
her: and it hit my head!
me: no! and then what happened?
her: i told the teacher.
me: and then what happened?
her: she made him sit in time out.
me: really?
her: do you know what, i have to go to school today, but tomorrow i don't because i've got holiday tomorrow.

blimey, even the classrooms have those time out places for kids now. and niece #3 is still referring to the weekend as a holiday. hmm, she'll miss those when they're gone.

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my feet have shrunk. or something. sister #2 called me while i was in the middle of a meeting at work today. but i ignored the call. and then she called me again. so then i thought, hmmm, must be urgent, right? nephew #2 must have stuck another bead up his nose, or perhaps nephew #1 had believed he could fly. but no. she'd seen some suede-y boots on sale in M & S and she wondered if i wanted them. ah, so that's what was so urgent. anyway. i'm like size 5, but the boots were 4 and a half. but they fit! in fact, trying them on after being on your feet all day you'd think they'd be a little tight, right? but no! they actually felt that little bit loose! now, what's that all about?

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regina spektor artist profile on m3 online. go and download 'Us', you'll feel better if you do.

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we were at a conference at the leeds town hall today. on the way back, i got another picture of some guys playing chess in the street, and then as we dashed to the station C managed to get her heel stuck in a crack in the pavement. the funniest thing was how she managed to maintain her 'like i care' cool the whole time.

busy busy busy again.

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blimey it's hot.

i'd forgotten how much i liked fanta lemon. driving through shipley. i just saw a car sticker for the 'aire valley whippet racing club'. o-kay.

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oh, so that's why i don't watch Lost:

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the houses are buzzing at the thought of watching Bradford Riots tonight. this is because the killing ground is the actual site where those riots took place in 2001. i didn't mean to rain on their parade, but:

me: you do realise it wasn't actually filmed in manningham?
sister in law A: really?
me: yep. they filmed it in liverpool or somewhere.
sister in law A: ah, so that's why i didn't see any cameras anywhere.
me:...

er, if you hadn't seen the camera you'd have definitely seen any riot enactments
don't you think? i wonder if they'll recreate the lister park car showroom. it used to be the shiniest thing in this neighbourhood. apparently rioters hotwired the cars and parked them round the front of the houses, setting them on fire or just dumping them. i might watch, but i also said i was going to watch Lost and haven't.

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killing ground update, 1.

the house at least five doors down have a lot to answer for. first they had their house sandblasted (killing ground speak: this means they're not just renting anymore) leaving a thick layer of dirt on the cobbles since february. i remember walking past as they hosed their back yard down. i call it a yard because i have yet to see a garden here. anyway, i thought that's a bit pointless, because obviously they were washing it to stop the dirt coming in but leaving it on the cobbles isn't going to stop that, is it? and the dust is still there.

anyway anyway anyway. they must have come into some money or something, said the new answer to bradfordian gossip. because as soon as the sun came out the sons were driving around on one of those little petrol mini motorbikes. all day. sometimes at 1 in the morning. which was annoying. but as with all bradford kids and toys, it was only a matter of time before the bike was seen trashed and smashed outside their garage. for a short while the killing ground activity was reduced to a gentle hum once more, broken occasionally by cries of 'give us the fookin ball back!' i say for a short while because the spoilt brats have been given a new one. thing is, eventually you get used to the noise, and the mini motorbike will become a part of the killing ground soundtrack before you know it.

what else. oh yes. a new family have moved in to what i suspect is the last rented house on the killing ground, seeing as the rest have been sandblasted and had all traces of green leaves removed. and the sons who look 15 and 16 keep kicking the rest of the kids off the car park in the middle of their football game. i won't argue with that one, the nephews have taken to sitting on the side wall to watch, and it won't be long before one of them gets hit in the face or something. one of the twins was playing outside our yard yesterday, kicking the ball around. the twins are really aggressive football players, and i warned her not to try and kick the ball into the yard, as she'd have to kick it in such a way that the ball would have to head for the porch, where i was standing. but she kicked it anyway. and yes, it headed straight for me. fortunately i have told myself off enough times for standing in the middle of the road facing oncoming traffic, so i ducked. and if i wasn't barefoot would have ventured onto the killing ground to knock her to the ground.

and then yesterday, one of the houses opposite decided to burn their rubbish:



that's another thing about the killing ground. if people can't dump their rubbish on the street, or neighbouring skips, they'll just burn it. nice.

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the guy sitting next to me at a meeting today had the same phone as me. and then a guy on the train home had one too. i know, i know, must mean it's a guy phone. but the authority part 2 does call it 'the girly option' of HTCs. ah, whatever, it's a cool phone and it's mine!

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also. the more i think about it, and after trying them out at the sisters houses, the more i want a radio controlled toy car of my own. look! radio controlled mario, yoshi and donkey kong! lets-a-go!

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i've been going a bit crazy on spizzazzz, if you want.

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