fudge it

crank it up to the gigabytes

did ya see what i did there? did ya? oh, never mind. anyway. a while back i got a promotion at work, and the first thing the Podite said was 'Of course it'll mean that you won't have any time to blog from now on' and er, i think he was right.

i mean, work is mad mad mad. and then i'm taking driving lessons. and helping out sister #2's kids with their homework on sundays. nephew #1 needs a little extra help with his concentration levels, so he came round to mine where niece #1 and nephew #3 couldn't tell him the answers to his maths homework. i also got him some extra english exercise books, handwriting worksheets from here and omega 3. his teacher says she'll call out his name over and over but he just sits there staring into space with a smile on his face. innit sweet?

anyway. it's that time of year again where bushra gets a new phone. this time around it isn't just any phone, it's one of those pocket pc ones, the o2 xda mini s. no, my number isn't changing, o2 left me a bit stunned after promising to beat the deal i had seen with t-mobile. brother #4 used to say o2 were all about getting new customers, not keeping existing ones. only thing is no memory card so i picked up a 1GB card. d'you think that's enough?

i'm hoping this means i might start blogging a bit more frequently, kinda like news as it happens, seeing as my short term memory is falling apart these days. but, you know, don't hold your breath. sorry.

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a regular day at the office. tippity tappity. not a lot to blog lately as usual. so anyway, there i was chatting away to neighbouring office person V about those chocolate bagels at bagel nash when a random office person walks wearing a scarf with little silver wafer thin coins hanging off it.

V: she's a bit jingle jingle, isn't she?
me: i was thinking more jingle jangle.
V: ooh, that's true too.

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message for sister #5:



she's 18 today. 18! i ordered a bunch of flowers because i couldn't send her present in time.

sister #5: thank you thank you thank you!
me: did you read the bit at the bottom of the card? it says 'PS Grow up!'
brother #5: happy birthday bushra!

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yer killin me credit...

me: hello?
the dad: hello!
me: hello!
the dad: you called earlier.
me: yeah, i was just checking you're ok, brother #4 said to call you.
the dad: what network are you on?
me: o2.
the dad: i'm on orange. this is going to kill my minutes.
me: oh, ok. well it's cheap for me to call you on the land line if you want?
the dad: well...i'm fine i hope you're fine are you ok you're ok that's good i'll speak to you soon.
me: ok then! bye!

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argh mad weekend beginning with a picture from bethany at labmonkie:



thanks bethany! it sounds like someone i know...

look. morph!

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while i have to contend with the twins, who came this close to crashing through the ceiling following that late goal yesterday, sister #2 spends much of her time cursing a 12 year old brother-in-law. before becoming famous for being arrested at 7am for hitting some kid at school, his claim to fame was driving his brother's car into a lexus at some wedding. anyway.

him: i can't wait to see yer driving around on the killing ground. it's going to be so funneh!
me: i know. you're the first on my list of people to hit.
him: you have a list?
me: oh yes.

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absolutely nothing to declare.

i was doing some semi-training of one of the new office people today. she's cool. as we sat down to catch up on what we'd covered in the morning, she noticed i was eating some salt and vinegar crisps.

me: i seem to be eating a lot of salt and vinegar crisps lately.
her: you're not (whisper)pregnant(/whisper), are you?
me: what? naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. wait. i had a packet on the train as well yesterday, didn't i?
her: hmmm, yes you did.
me: but naaaaaah. definitely not.

honest. when i was about 10 i became addicted to cheesy space raiders, i bought a packet every time i had 10p. i must have eaten hundreds of packets that year. it's just a phase, innit.

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ow ow ow

aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i'm sooooooo tired. busy busy week. and then sister in law B begged me to take her coat shopping. this is the third coat since i moved here, i'm thinking of nicknaming her zsa zsa. anyway. we found the perfect coat, and i said that if she changed her mind i'd beat her with a stick. then i went round to sister #1's, and caught up with the young 'uns there. one of the neighbouring cousins was also there. somehow the conversation went to house stuff, as the oldest kid told the others about this muji storage i bought:

#1: what did i call it again?
#2: i can't remember, but it were real funn-eh!
#1: that's it! i called it perspex!
#2: perspex!
cousin: god, bushra, you're so funn-eh!
#1: what d'you think of ikea? maybe we should go to ikea?
me: that's all self-assembly though, innit?
cousin: that's it bushra! i'm going to hang around with you so i can learn big words too!
us: what big words?
cousin: self-assembl-eh!

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for scooterdeb: sushi pillows!

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s*n*f*b*tch

this is a mad monday, man. and it's only 9am!

first off i went to this blog which had a hyperlink about a blog of note, but the post was written in such a way that i thought the link was referring to actual blog i was reading, and not the UUUHHHGGG-rrrrRRR! one. i'm not going to hyperlink that blog because, hel-lo! spyware!

and then i decided i needed the google toolbar but when i went to google i ended up searching for 'goolbar'.

so, you know when you start the year/week/day off with a plan to improve your eating habits? and you manage to do a good job until an office person insists you try the chocolate chip bagel with chocolate spread at bagel nash, and then he actually goes out and gets you one, so you can't not eat it? that. although i did split it with another office person. it really is that good. or is that bad?

hey. imagine people came with a reboot button?

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crikey.

work was mad this week. it actually went by too fast, but no no no no no, i'm not gutted it's friday.

me: blimey. you own your surname at .com and .net?
authority part 2: that's right.
me: niece #4 wanted her firstname.com for her birthday, but it's gone. i might have to settle for .org, or .uk.
office person #2: you must make a lovely aunt.
me: me? i'm the best.

if she can't have her own web address, it's pink roller blades instead, innit. and niece #3 will be getting a handbag with a photo of her with her sisters. what am i like?

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i'm not being ungrateful, honest i'm not

here's a thing. way back in september on the very first day i started work, the one thing i was hoping wouldn't happen happened. yep. spotted by a relative driving past, who then screeches to a halt to give me a ride t'station. of course i don't mind, it's just the conversation innit. around the same time last year i got the mister to drive me and one of the girls at sister #1's to the so-called city centre because we wanted to do some shopping. she rated the awkwardness of that drive '15 out of 10'. only for us to bump into the father-in-law in Boots minutes later. i talked about the whole issue with sister #2 and her sister in law suggested i look somewhere else when they drive past, that's right, pretend you haven't seen them!

so there i was this cold and frosty morning, at the bus stop. i could see the big giant van belonging to one of the neighbouring families approaching. uh oh. so i grab my phone and stare at it thinking 'he'll-drive-past-let-him-drive-past-the-last-time-he-just-about-spotted-you-with-that-blank-look-on-his-face'...

BEEEEEEEP!

oh, bugger.

him: morning bushra!
me: morning!
him: how're you today?
me: i'm fine thanks and you?
him: i'm all right, how's me nephew?
me: (nephew, who's your nephew?) oh, he's all right.

followed by awkward silence where the local radio station blares on about how the female human body isn't really designed to give birth to a 9 pound baby, and complaining about toothache is totally justified. gah.

bushra | permalink | |

i got this in my email today:



thanks!

bushra | permalink | |

one of the things i'm trying hard not to do is enter some sort of verbal agreement with anyone. here, if you make a tentative verbal agreement the other person will assume the agreement has been signed in your blood, and they will haunt you for the rest of your life if you don't stick to what you said you might do but didn't. don't ask. anyway, it would appear brother #1 has taken a leaf out their book. it's my own fault, i shoulda kept quiet, but somehow i agreed to get him the hotel costes series. just when i thought it was safe:

'RE: HOTEL COSTES CDS :

JUST A POLITE REMINDER REGARDING YOUR NOTICE OF INTENTION ( LEGALLY DEFINED AS A PROMISE OR A VERBALLY BINDING AGREEMENT) TO PURCHASE THE AFOREMENTIONED MUSICAL DISCS.

FAILURE TO COMPLY WITH RESULT IN ACCESS RIGHTS BEING WITHDRAWN ,WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT, TO MY CHILDRENS.

I AWAIT YOUR CORRECTIVE ACTIONS.

BROTHER #1.'

my reply:

'It is not legally binding, and as I have been dispatched to Bradford I have already lost access anyway.

Vols 1 and 2 are in the post.

And I'm blogging your email.'

i would have added 'childrens? childrens?! did your aeronautical engineering degree not require good english?' but thought better of it. can't have him banning phone calls now, can i?

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oh my.

'Bradford named UK's fattest city: Bradford is the fattest city in the UK because of its residents' love of fast food and alcohol, according to research published today.'

it doesn't surprise me really. there aren't many gyms around and every second shop does fast food. i'm doomed, i tell you.

[link from brian, bless 'im for assuming i'd already seen this.]

bushra | permalink | |

ugh.

two innocent 'vit c super smoothies' in as many days can and will put you off bananas. forever.

bushra | permalink | |

a new office person has joined so now we are four. i can't remember how, but the conversation went to celebrity big brother:

office person #1: that traci character went to harvard, didn't she?
me: she did?
#1: yeah, apparently she went to harvard, even though she behaved like a bimbo most of the time.
authority part 2: harvard hair school probably. what are you talking about anyway?
#1: celebrity big brother. but you're not a celebrity big brother person, so...
authority part 2: no, i know big brother. i read it in 1984.
#1: ah. george orwell.
authority part 2: yeah.
#1: that's the name of a river though, isn't it?
authority part 2: yeah, what was his real name again?
#1: eric blair. like tony.
authority part 2: what, his real name is eric as well?
#1: ha! well, it would be better than tony wouldn't it?
authority part 2: what do you think of the name eric?
office person #2: i think eric is a lovely name!

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one of the things i have in common with the sister in laws is a love for fruit salad flavour chewits. whenever any one of us is at the shop at the end of the street, we'll pick some up for the others. we're also into that new blulemberry gum as well. the younger of the twins - twin B - can get really wired on sweets, but she doesn't know it.

B: want a chewit?
me: i already had some, those were for you.
B: oh, ok. want a chewing gum? here, have some chewing gum!
me: what flavour?
A: bumbleberry flavour.

which made me laugh, because twin A is also responsible for giving us 'van gog', while twin B once referred to the birmingham tornado as 'that whirlwind'.

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er, everything you wanted to know about bushra...



[via jezblog]

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