fudge it

introducing, the bradfordian frog chorus.

niece #2 and the nephews (they're going to be a band when they grow up, although this does conflict with my plan to turn niece #2 into a supermodel but i'm sure we can make room in her busy schedule) were all throwing up this weekend. first up was nephew #2:

nephew #1: mummy, i'm sick too.
nephew #2: yes, but you didn't do sick. i did! i did sick!

five minutes later nephew #1 practically flooded the kitchen floor. and then he walked around confirming it:

nephew #1: mummy! i did sick! bushra! i did sick! everyone, I DID SICK!
sister #2: yes, i know! i'm cleaning it up aren't i?

at the same time niece #2 was walking around muttering how she wasn't feeling too good, and it wasn't long before she and nephew #3 were throwing up too. and just when they're almost over the worst, sister #2 gets the bug too!

i stayed away yesterday, but i might visit today. maybe i should take one of these just in case.

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'We've been waiting with baited breath for months for the new name...and THAT'S IT.'

we-e-e-e-ell i did consider 'the new order' but i dunno, and even the authority part 2 laughed. that's right, he laughed. because he too reads the blog!

so you have a choice. the new order or the authority part 2. or what?

and podite. get a move on with your blog.

for anyone who is interested, brother #4 made it to his coach with minutes to spare.

bushra | permalink | |

wow. i think this blog is going to take a bit of a turn. no more little posts about he said she said, or little observations about this and that, i mean these things do still happen but i tend to forget. it's all change i think. only i don't really know which way things will go. i think with the winter and everything life in the killing ground is a bit quiet, people are hiding away from the cold. but yeah, as soon as it gets warmer they'll all come out to play and say the maddest things and i'll write them up on here.

i'm busy, but good busy. work is really really busy. and i've finally got round to learning to drive (i know, i know). brother #4 has been here since friday, and was momentarily stunned into silence when he found i was having lessons. he just didn't know what to say. by the way, if anyone wants to take a bet on whether he'll manage to get out of bed in time for the coach that leaves for birmingham this afternoon, feel free. he's not answering his phone so it's not looking good.

ooh, wait, i came up with an online identity for the new authority. he has his moments, you know, when we're talking work and he'll say something completely off the wall. this morning he was preparing me for this big meeting tomorrow, i'm going in his place, and i told him i didn't think i knew enough about the subject.

him: there's a solution for that you know.
me: there is?
him: all you have to do is say 'i don't know the answer to that, but i'll see what i can find out'.
me: right.
him: it doesn't mean you actually will find out, but still...

back in the day when i used to wear a bottle green school uniform (ugh) along with my friends we would come up with nicknames for people we regularly made fun of. we named a funny looking sixth former 'jeffrey'. and when he left another funny looking guy came along and we called him 'jeffrey part deux'.

anyway, i'm-a calling the new authority 'the authority part 2'. so simple.

bushra | permalink | |

so busy...

...i didn't even notice call centre confidential had returned.

bushra | permalink | |

who says BBC News online can't be funny?

"The publishers of Indian Maxim have clearly calculated that 20-something men in Delhi, Mumbai, Bangalore and Hyderabad are just as puerile and inane as their counterparts in London, Birmingham and Manchester. "

change of subject: the parents were here this weekend. i sent them back with bits and pieces for various members of the family. for the nieces, little barbie purses with bars of chocolate in them. for sister #5 and brother #5, a bunch of o2 sim cards. for sister #4, a denman soft hair brush seeing as she always using mine. for brother #1 and the nieces, the heartbeats single in dvd format, it had the bouncy balls video on it y'see. and for brother #4, my old mp3 player. when i called sister #4 yesterday brother #2 was shouting 'where's my present?' in the background. oops.

anyway, too right it's flipping cold. and it certainly didn't help me on the way into work this morning.

bushra | permalink | |

we have a new office person, who today couldn't help noticing the office people (the podite's favourite people no less) at the neighbouring pod were rushing around.

him: they seem to be having an awful lot of meetings lately, don't they?
me: hmm, must be that time of the month.

i don't know why i said that. really i don't.

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i've decided to stop being so anti-social and joined the bradford bloggers aggregator thingy. i prefer it to a webring myself.

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monday morning.

there's a woman at the desk row opposite, dancing a little chicken dance as her phone blares out on speakerphone:

'you have. 25. new. messages. and. 60. saved. messages.'

i suppose there's not much else you can do, is there?

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crazy ideas.

i did two crazy things this weekend. the first was a hair cut. my hair is now short. very short. i called sister #2 from leeds to warn her in advance:

me: i had my hair cut today.
sister #2: you bitch.

and then i called sister #4:

me: so guess what?
sister #4: what?
me: i just had my hair cut.
her: is it short?
me: uh huh.
her: how short?
me: remember the haircut i had for brother #2's wedding?
her: why? why would you do that?

but they're really ok with it. honest.

it was the first bradford wedding of 2006 on saturday too. the following conversation repeated itself at least five times:

random bradford relative: you didn't come to the wedding.
me: i'm still recovering from the last one.

oh, and the second crazy thing? the latest dior limited edition, of course.

bushra | permalink | |

RIGHT! time for some sort of update. i'm feeling better, a lot better, the only thing bothering me right now is my tooth. the bradfordians here laugh at the way i say tooth. i say it really fast, like 'tuth' and they all say 'toooth' and they giggle quietly to themselves, but don't think i haven't noticed. but i see the oh-so-pricey dentist about it again in a couple of weeks.

anyway. still busy at work, and not really hooked on any soaps right now. which is good. off to leeds tomorrow, on a sort-of mission. i'd tell you about it, but i just don't think you're ready to find out just how crazy i can get about an idea.

bushra | permalink | |

nephew #2, as you are all aware, cannot say his r's or his l's.

so it's obviously someone with a sense of humour who put him in class RL at school.

i only went round to deliver some spring rolls i had made and before i knew it i was helping niece #2 with her homework (present and past tense) and filling in the dinner money envelopes.

me: what class are you in?
nephew #2: aw-ew.
me: what?
sister #2: RL.
me: RL? are you serious?
nephew #2: i'm in class aw-ew! write it down!
me: ok. teacher?
nephew #2: miss wang.
me: ...
sister #2: he said miss lang.
me: your teacher is called miss wang?
nephew #2: no, it's not miss wang, it's miss wang!

the others try to get him to say words like lollipop and factory but he'll only say them for me.

bushra | permalink | |

the odd post here and there...

some guy wanted to kill himself on the tracks out of leeds station on monday. he wanted to get hit by a train, any train, and it seems he chose the train i caught just after 4pm. it stopped a few minutes after leaving leeds. no worries, yet. then the driver makes an announcement, but i only caught the second half of what he said as i turned the walkman off: '...on the tracks and obviously shouldn't be there, so we're trying to sort it out.' two other guys in the carriage jump straight for the window.

me: i'm sorry, what did he say was on the tracks?
them: a person!

oh, ok. then the train slowly starts moving forward. the conductor joins the driver as the train comes to a stop again.

#1: look, there he is! they're talking to him.

so we all peer out the window to stare at this twenty something having a chat wi' driver.

#1: maybe he wants to catch the train?
me: oh sure, he'll stick his thumb out to flag it down, but it whizzes by and he'll notice his hand has gone and say 'so you're not stopping, then?'

the conductor appears. we look up at him for an explanation. he looks back at us.

him: 'kill me! don't kill me! i don't care!'

and off he went to the back of the train to start checking tickets.

#1: what, he can't decide? it's the apathetic revolution, isn't it? kill me, or don't kill me? he could have this website where people decide!
#2: or people could buy the decider on ebay!
#1: should i go to work or not? should i ask her out or not? what should i have for lunch?
#2: 'buy it now'!

the conductor returns. he's just checking people have tickets.

#2: did he say why he was on the tracks?
conductor: oh, he was visiting his brother, and now he just wanted to die.
#2: oh, right. my mind can rest now.
conductor: we tried to get him on the train but he's all suicidal. it's up to the police now. but all the other trains can't go until he's been moved, trouble is they can't steer around him.
#1: i wonder where his brother lives?

and then they returned to their conversation about 'toxic avenger' and 'poultrygeist'.

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um, it seems people still cover a website with animated gifs in order to bring on an epileptic fit.

bushra | permalink | |

i'm going to have to neglect the blog for a bit. i'm busy at work, i'm a bit tired and i can't seem to get rid of this headache/sore throat/cold completely. so, in a bit, ok?

bushra | permalink | |

nothing to report lately. seriously. the whole bradistan fascination thing doesn't really live up to the hype, does it?

so hey, eid on wednesday, eh? yes, the houses were all busy doing their major cleaning in the run up. that's another thing about this place. they're mad about cleaning. some like to scrub the carpets from cellar to attic - which is usually four flights of stairs – by hand. sister in law B gets through bottles of bleach like the neighbourhood kids get through Coca Cola. or how about washing the concreted back gardens, hosing them down even though it's freezing cold – don’t get me wrong, everyone wants to have flowers, but it doesn't matter if they have been planted in the ground, if it's pretty pretty it'll find a way to walk! a sister in law from sister #2's was round yesterday negotiating with sister in law B for the ladder, they both had decided the windows needed cleaning. for my part i gave the kitchens – that's right, kitchens – a spring clean. the houses here have an 'in use' kitchen in the cellar, and then on the main ground floor of the house there is another kitchen all shiny and showroom-y but still capable of collecting dust.

so anyway, there i was at the end of sunday evening, all tired and exhausted, finishing off the cellar kitchen and mopping the floor clean, and the twins were there with a couple of cousins. i couldn't be more clear with them as i left, i'm like really really tired so don't go messing the kitchen up, mmkay?

i returned an hour later and there was popcorn all over the place.

since moving here one of the things i'm trying to do is be more, er, civil? no that's not the word. more polite. not everyone uses the same communication methods that worked for sister #5 and me, and i’m trying to hold my temper back as much as possible. but this is not on now, is it?

bushra | permalink | |

niece #2 was round yesterday evening. she needed a picture of any one of her brothers for school. in the end we couldn't decide on a picture of her with nephew #3 in lister park, or the one of nephew #2 and #3 doing angelic smiles for the camera in birmingham. we let sister #2 decide (she went for option 1). anyway, while i was digging out pictures niece #2 was digging out jewellery:

niece #2: i like these earrings.
me: how about this picture of the nephews pulling faces? i can't seem to find a picture where nephew #2 isn't sticking his tongue out.
niece #2: try finding pictures of nephew #3. i want to get my ears pierced.
me: have you any idea how much it hurts?
niece #2: um, nine thousand and sixty six?
me: ...

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i haven't got much to tell (see the hint below). like i said, tetris has reduced my brain to mash. and while events from the past fortnight would make interesting reading, there's no way i'm going to blog about them. it was all too mad.

but there's all these little blog type links and stuff i wanted to mention, like those hedgehogs on the road safety ads (i'd mention how i like the bit where they go 'woo-woo woooo!' and sometimes i might even join in but i have this feeling some bradfordians who know me have started reading). or how for so long i had this crazy idea in my head that the mp3s on poptext were legal (newsflash: they're not).

meanwhile, back at the ranch over on spizzazzz...

bushra | permalink | |

never, never download tetris to your phone. it's what i did a few days ago and now, i can't remember anything.

hey. how is everyone?

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