bushra vs. the father-in-law, part 1.
him: you need to learn to cook asian food.
me: nah it's all right, i don't eat curry anyway.
him: you need to learn to cook asian food.
me: nah it's all right, i don't eat curry anyway.
i went to manchester today. it was nice an' all. though to my horror i found the wheel of manchester, tragically separated at birth from the birmingham wheel.
answer: 1
ok ok ok. so you know when you get redirected to someone's voicemail, and they say 'leave a message after the beep'?
well, how many people do you know say 'leave a message after the bleep'?
ok ok ok. so you know when you get redirected to someone's voicemail, and they say 'leave a message after the beep'?
well, how many people do you know say 'leave a message after the bleep'?
last friday the dad phoned to say he would be up in bradford the next day. which meant i would have to get a move on with the scoubidous i had promised for sister #4 (result here) and sister in law #2 (this 'un), so he could take them back with him. apparently brother #2 spotted sister #4 with hers:
him: bushra making those again, is she?
her: yeah!
him: remember how she went mad months before the wedding, she made so many of them then. she said it was better than popping bubble wrap!
her: innit!
him: so this must mean she's doing them for the stress relief in bradford now.
her: you're probably right.
gad, i love my siblings but having that conversation in front of the mister's sister, well...
anyway. i'm a bit pissed off with a few members of the family in law this morning. even though i spent the whole journey to work listening to this beautiful thing over and over i was still worked up trying to figure out how to sort the culprits out. but then i checked my bloglines. to er, jazz it up a bit i subscribed to the daily horoscope (what? what?) and it said this:
Sure, dealing with the fam can be something of a challenge from time to time, but things seem a little out of control right now. Tempting as it is to get right in the center of things and let everyone know exactly where you stand, you'd be better off holding back. Focus on something else instead. Get your bills paid, reorganize your bedroom, become a workaholic for a day. You'll have a sense of accomplishment, and you'll be able to smooth things over with the family later.
hmm. wise words. maybe i'll count to ten. maybe i'll just let it go. who am i kidding, i just know i'm going to get mad.
him: bushra making those again, is she?
her: yeah!
him: remember how she went mad months before the wedding, she made so many of them then. she said it was better than popping bubble wrap!
her: innit!
him: so this must mean she's doing them for the stress relief in bradford now.
her: you're probably right.
gad, i love my siblings but having that conversation in front of the mister's sister, well...
anyway. i'm a bit pissed off with a few members of the family in law this morning. even though i spent the whole journey to work listening to this beautiful thing over and over i was still worked up trying to figure out how to sort the culprits out. but then i checked my bloglines. to er, jazz it up a bit i subscribed to the daily horoscope (what? what?) and it said this:
Sure, dealing with the fam can be something of a challenge from time to time, but things seem a little out of control right now. Tempting as it is to get right in the center of things and let everyone know exactly where you stand, you'd be better off holding back. Focus on something else instead. Get your bills paid, reorganize your bedroom, become a workaholic for a day. You'll have a sense of accomplishment, and you'll be able to smooth things over with the family later.
hmm. wise words. maybe i'll count to ten. maybe i'll just let it go. who am i kidding, i just know i'm going to get mad.
uh oh.
friends. y'know, they tell each other everything:
J: You saw Marilyn from Home and Away on MONDAY and you haven't told me till THURSDAY?
friends. y'know, they tell each other everything:
J: You saw Marilyn from Home and Away on MONDAY and you haven't told me till THURSDAY?
your call is in a queue...
him: can you confirm your address?
me: oh yeah its blah blah blah, birmingham -
him: i've got a different one here.
me: oh that must mean my changes have gone through. is it my bradford address?
him: yeah.
me: ok i'll give you my bradford address.
him: you moved from birmingham. to bradford?
me: yes. i know.
him: what do you think of it so far?
me: i'm not saying anything!
him: i live in bradford too.
me: whoa. but i live in manningham.
him: so do i.
me: oh. ok. anyway. about my phone...
scary scary innit.
him: can you confirm your address?
me: oh yeah its blah blah blah, birmingham -
him: i've got a different one here.
me: oh that must mean my changes have gone through. is it my bradford address?
him: yeah.
me: ok i'll give you my bradford address.
him: you moved from birmingham. to bradford?
me: yes. i know.
him: what do you think of it so far?
me: i'm not saying anything!
him: i live in bradford too.
me: whoa. but i live in manningham.
him: so do i.
me: oh. ok. anyway. about my phone...
scary scary innit.
nothing to blog about, but hey, i've got a lot on my mind:
1. i can't stand the tiny pops tv channel. why is it the the households i do bother to visit in bradford (a grand total of 2) always have tiny pops on? and why why why is it always the berenstain bears showing every single time?
2. the guy two desk rows ahead of me: while those all those icons look very nice neatly arranged on his desktop, the screen is filling up fast so what will he do when he's run out of space?
3. message to the office people at the right side of the office. grant didn't move to america, he ran off to rio.
4. still on eastenders. how funny was it when grant sent dennis crashing into the piano?
1. i can't stand the tiny pops tv channel. why is it the the households i do bother to visit in bradford (a grand total of 2) always have tiny pops on? and why why why is it always the berenstain bears showing every single time?
2. the guy two desk rows ahead of me: while those all those icons look very nice neatly arranged on his desktop, the screen is filling up fast so what will he do when he's run out of space?
3. message to the office people at the right side of the office. grant didn't move to america, he ran off to rio.
4. still on eastenders. how funny was it when grant sent dennis crashing into the piano?
cripes. very tired this morning. didn't get to sleep until late. uh, the wedding video has arrived. i didn't want to watch it at first, but then i thought, hang on, better make sure i look ok before this starts doing the rounds in the village. i'm sorry. i'm going to have to stop. some office people have planted themselves at the hot desks on my desk pod, and one of them has this accent, but i can't figure out what it is. they're talking train tickets.
him with the accent: i deed what you suggested, i bought a one way teek-et.
#2: yeah i still can't figure out the mechanism behind the pricing.
him with the accent: i can, eet's a rip-orf.
it goes from south african to russian to i dunno what.
anyway, what else. oh yeah. it's half-term, isn't it? i saw so many kids hanging around jd sports doing their eid shopping yesterday afternoon. it seems the relatives here haven't realised that while the kids (and in a way the parents) get a half term holiday, everyone else doesn't. so i had a few people coming round to see me only to be told i was at work. i'm not saying a word.
him with the accent: i deed what you suggested, i bought a one way teek-et.
#2: yeah i still can't figure out the mechanism behind the pricing.
him with the accent: i can, eet's a rip-orf.
it goes from south african to russian to i dunno what.
anyway, what else. oh yeah. it's half-term, isn't it? i saw so many kids hanging around jd sports doing their eid shopping yesterday afternoon. it seems the relatives here haven't realised that while the kids (and in a way the parents) get a half term holiday, everyone else doesn't. so i had a few people coming round to see me only to be told i was at work. i'm not saying a word.
so hey, i got email from J last thursday, with the subject 'I predict a riot'. talk about psychic. it's mad, i didn't hear about these riots until yesterday, mainly because the house here plays X-factor on a loop.
anyway, i called my best friend who lives in handsworth, she was out of the city on the weekend but she travels through lozells to get to work. she said it still looks tense around there and she thinks that things are going to get worse yet. how mad would it be if all this really did start just because of a rumour? and y'know what birmingham is like when it comes to rumours, remember the one about the vampires?
and another thing: Warren G has gone from 'regulate g funk era' to a pirate radio station in birmingham. wow, that is a low.
anyway, i called my best friend who lives in handsworth, she was out of the city on the weekend but she travels through lozells to get to work. she said it still looks tense around there and she thinks that things are going to get worse yet. how mad would it be if all this really did start just because of a rumour? and y'know what birmingham is like when it comes to rumours, remember the one about the vampires?
and another thing: Warren G has gone from 'regulate g funk era' to a pirate radio station in birmingham. wow, that is a low.
"I think this could get to be just as good if not better than Fudgeit Towers."
the I/O left that comment on my blog last week. turns out my street is a very lucky street, if you believe the el mundo spanish lottery. one of the things about being 'the girl who works, the girl who got a degree, the girl who wears glasses (wearing contacts for seven years doesn't count) and oh yeah, the girl who worked in a library' is if anything comes through the letterbox that the household can't decipher, let's get bushra to have a look at it. i was at sister #1's house and her husband was asking one of the girls to fill in a form.
her: ah can't be bothered! ah've got ter clean t'bathroom!
him: just fill it in.
her: naw, i haven't got any time! get bush-reh to do it, she's clever.
me: i knew that was coming. and i'm going to kick your ass for that.
i didn't fill it in because hey, at the time, my head felt like it had been struck by a giant fist made of stone. and i got her back by laughing in her face when she asked if she could use my ghd straighteners. but then again i laugh at anyone who asks to use my ghd's innit.
anyway, where was i? oh yeah, spanish lottery. the mother in law got one t'other week, and after reading it five times and filling in the form with his bank account details the father in law asked me to have a look at it. this, i told them, was a scam, and i can't believe you've filled it in. ooh, i suppose that's a plus side, they look at me for encouragement, yes! fill it in and send it off! and i stamp on their dreams of a new kitchen just like that.
even funnier, sister #2 got exactly the same letter, and when i went round she too asked me to have a look at hers.
me: yeah, it's a scam. the mother in law got one. they were this close to sending it off.
sister #2: is it?
me: yes. i'm sorry.
brother-in-law #2: what is it?
me: look, some scam.
sister #2: don't show it to him!
me: why? oooh, let me guess, you had this plan, you were going to take the money and run, and leave him with the kids weren't you?
hey, I/O. i think you may be right.
the I/O left that comment on my blog last week. turns out my street is a very lucky street, if you believe the el mundo spanish lottery. one of the things about being 'the girl who works, the girl who got a degree, the girl who wears glasses (wearing contacts for seven years doesn't count) and oh yeah, the girl who worked in a library' is if anything comes through the letterbox that the household can't decipher, let's get bushra to have a look at it. i was at sister #1's house and her husband was asking one of the girls to fill in a form.
her: ah can't be bothered! ah've got ter clean t'bathroom!
him: just fill it in.
her: naw, i haven't got any time! get bush-reh to do it, she's clever.
me: i knew that was coming. and i'm going to kick your ass for that.
i didn't fill it in because hey, at the time, my head felt like it had been struck by a giant fist made of stone. and i got her back by laughing in her face when she asked if she could use my ghd straighteners. but then again i laugh at anyone who asks to use my ghd's innit.
anyway, where was i? oh yeah, spanish lottery. the mother in law got one t'other week, and after reading it five times and filling in the form with his bank account details the father in law asked me to have a look at it. this, i told them, was a scam, and i can't believe you've filled it in. ooh, i suppose that's a plus side, they look at me for encouragement, yes! fill it in and send it off! and i stamp on their dreams of a new kitchen just like that.
even funnier, sister #2 got exactly the same letter, and when i went round she too asked me to have a look at hers.
me: yeah, it's a scam. the mother in law got one. they were this close to sending it off.
sister #2: is it?
me: yes. i'm sorry.
brother-in-law #2: what is it?
me: look, some scam.
sister #2: don't show it to him!
me: why? oooh, let me guess, you had this plan, you were going to take the money and run, and leave him with the kids weren't you?
hey, I/O. i think you may be right.
Race row disrupts Radio 4 debate: not only do you get to read the argument but hear it too. woot.
other news. summoned into leeds city centre by sister #2, she's shopping for eid clothes for the kids. i'm telling you, her daughter must own half of monsoon but she's still too tight to buy me a pen from there.
me: make it an eid present?
sister #2: no.
me: a late wedding present?
sister #2: no. i tell you what, i'll get it as a birthday present.
me: ...
sister #2 smirks.
me: oh ha ha.
other news. summoned into leeds city centre by sister #2, she's shopping for eid clothes for the kids. i'm telling you, her daughter must own half of monsoon but she's still too tight to buy me a pen from there.
me: make it an eid present?
sister #2: no.
me: a late wedding present?
sister #2: no. i tell you what, i'll get it as a birthday present.
me: ...
sister #2 smirks.
me: oh ha ha.
"It's called fishing.
It's called idiocy! You don't know the first thing about sharks!"
i couldn't help it, the comments made me do it. first i wanted to go look up just when home and away began (1998) and then i saw it: memorable quotes from home and away. i got two names for you: alf stewart and colleen smart.
(shouldn't have mentioned H & A in the first place, should i?)
It's called idiocy! You don't know the first thing about sharks!"
i couldn't help it, the comments made me do it. first i wanted to go look up just when home and away began (1998) and then i saw it: memorable quotes from home and away. i got two names for you: alf stewart and colleen smart.
(shouldn't have mentioned H & A in the first place, should i?)
grrr.
there can only be one 'authority' in terms of the blog, for examples go here, or here, or here.. so what do i call my new authority? the authori-tah, or what? anyway:
him: i've got some - well actually do you want the good news or the bad news?
me: the bad news...
him: you have to move desks...
me: (thinking: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!) argh. ok. what's the good news?
him: you get a phone!
me: ...
oh well. it was fun while it lasted. bye bye cool desk. maybe i should booby trap it when i move...
there can only be one 'authority' in terms of the blog, for examples go here, or here, or here.. so what do i call my new authority? the authori-tah, or what? anyway:
him: i've got some - well actually do you want the good news or the bad news?
me: the bad news...
him: you have to move desks...
me: (thinking: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!) argh. ok. what's the good news?
him: you get a phone!
me: ...
oh well. it was fun while it lasted. bye bye cool desk. maybe i should booby trap it when i move...
dumbing down. sorta.
is anyone watching home and away these days? didn't think so. way back (okay, about seven weeks ago) when i moved up here sister in law B and i kept up with the stalker storyline. and at one point i predicted the stalker was zoe. zoe, the nice, friendly nurse at what was it called, summer bay general or something. sister in law B couldn't see why i decided it was zoe, but come on, no-one was around when she got attacked by the 'stalker' and then she disappears just before the police want to hypnotise her for more details about it. and then, in yesterdays episode the stalker was finally revealed:
me: bet you it's zoe.
sister in law B: we'll see.
me: ha! it's zoe!
sister in law B: oh my god! but you predicted it weeks ago! wow!
tv announcer at the end of the show: hands up if you thought it was zoe...
me: me! me! i knew!
hey. where did everybody go?
is anyone watching home and away these days? didn't think so. way back (okay, about seven weeks ago) when i moved up here sister in law B and i kept up with the stalker storyline. and at one point i predicted the stalker was zoe. zoe, the nice, friendly nurse at what was it called, summer bay general or something. sister in law B couldn't see why i decided it was zoe, but come on, no-one was around when she got attacked by the 'stalker' and then she disappears just before the police want to hypnotise her for more details about it. and then, in yesterdays episode the stalker was finally revealed:
me: bet you it's zoe.
sister in law B: we'll see.
me: ha! it's zoe!
sister in law B: oh my god! but you predicted it weeks ago! wow!
tv announcer at the end of the show: hands up if you thought it was zoe...
me: me! me! i knew!
hey. where did everybody go?
argh i meant to blog about this earlier but kinda forgot. before i left birmingham office person M asked whether the new house would have a garden. i think i managed to break it to her gently enough about how the back gardens round here have been concreted over, so you can't plant anything. but to the front of the house things are much prettier. the father-in-law likes to plant flowers (i'm not good with names) in big terracotta pots, and recently the neighbours got together to clear a shared area and planted stuff like roses, lots of roses. but here's the thing. and it's gotta be a bradford thing. someone has swiped one of the pots, and actually gone and pulled one of the rose bushes out and taken them home. i know!
another thing is people here are always asking me what i think of bradford. example:
aunt: so bushra, what d'yer think of bradford?
me: well-
aunt: it's horrible int it? all bloody pound shops everywhere! d'yer know, someone wrote in to the T & A and said, why don't you just shut down M & S, the only department store we've got left, and turn that into a poundshop an' all! then bradford would be complete!
me: ...
let's see if i manage to stick it out long enough to see bradford: the rebirth happen.
another thing is people here are always asking me what i think of bradford. example:
aunt: so bushra, what d'yer think of bradford?
me: well-
aunt: it's horrible int it? all bloody pound shops everywhere! d'yer know, someone wrote in to the T & A and said, why don't you just shut down M & S, the only department store we've got left, and turn that into a poundshop an' all! then bradford would be complete!
me: ...
let's see if i manage to stick it out long enough to see bradford: the rebirth happen.
all the kids in bradford agree that at this moment in time, bushra has the coolest phone around here (and not many people saw brother #1's phone while he was here this weekend, but he doesn't count anyway).
i'm a sucker for shiny technology and stuff, but you already know that. and then o2 start dangling this samsung s500i in front of me just so's i'll try out their new i-mode service. hey, if you're going to let me access email on my phone for free until april 2006, and give me a new phone for it, um, well, ok then.
i'm a sucker for shiny technology and stuff, but you already know that. and then o2 start dangling this samsung s500i in front of me just so's i'll try out their new i-mode service. hey, if you're going to let me access email on my phone for free until april 2006, and give me a new phone for it, um, well, ok then.
cold, so cold.
i moved desks last week, after an authority said 'you know, if you're cold over here you can move to another one wherever you want, just pick up your kit and move, think about it' of course i thought about it and moved to the coolest desk possible within seconds. it's cool in many ways, first as in J stating 'That is a cool desk. It looks like Waking The Dead or something' and cool as in colder than the other desk. but i'm not moving. no way.
i had a killer headache on saturday and it has left me a bit woozy ever since. as a result i can't remember much from this weekend apart from taking the nieces to leeds:
niece #1: look! a train!
niece #2: where? where?
niece #1: ha ha! made you look!
niece #3: (to me) look at them, they're getting excited over a train.
me: i know.
niece #3: look! a train! there! it's a train!
i moved desks last week, after an authority said 'you know, if you're cold over here you can move to another one wherever you want, just pick up your kit and move, think about it' of course i thought about it and moved to the coolest desk possible within seconds. it's cool in many ways, first as in J stating 'That is a cool desk. It looks like Waking The Dead or something' and cool as in colder than the other desk. but i'm not moving. no way.
i had a killer headache on saturday and it has left me a bit woozy ever since. as a result i can't remember much from this weekend apart from taking the nieces to leeds:
niece #1: look! a train!
niece #2: where? where?
niece #1: ha ha! made you look!
niece #3: (to me) look at them, they're getting excited over a train.
me: i know.
niece #3: look! a train! there! it's a train!
dinner with the family.
the whole family-in-law here are football fans. apart from the parents, i suppose. totally liverpool fc. does that mean anything to you? the youngest sister-in-laws are twelve year old twins, and they don't care if they're indoors, they'll kick that ball if they want to. even funnier, they'll get their twenty something brothers to join in. anyway. yesterday evening the older twin, sister-in-law C, was arguing with sister-in-law B, age 15, about how she was only a fan of liverpool when it suited her.
her: i don't know why you act so interested. you only support liverpool when they win, and when they lose you always take the piss!
brother in law A: all right all right, enough of that.
her: yeah, but it's true though, you get all bitchy and start laughing at us when they lose! and, and...
brother in law A: i meant save the swearing!
i have offered to cut up their football with the kitchen knife, which they found funny. but i think it's funny how they don't realise i'm serious.
the whole family-in-law here are football fans. apart from the parents, i suppose. totally liverpool fc. does that mean anything to you? the youngest sister-in-laws are twelve year old twins, and they don't care if they're indoors, they'll kick that ball if they want to. even funnier, they'll get their twenty something brothers to join in. anyway. yesterday evening the older twin, sister-in-law C, was arguing with sister-in-law B, age 15, about how she was only a fan of liverpool when it suited her.
her: i don't know why you act so interested. you only support liverpool when they win, and when they lose you always take the piss!
brother in law A: all right all right, enough of that.
her: yeah, but it's true though, you get all bitchy and start laughing at us when they lose! and, and...
brother in law A: i meant save the swearing!
i have offered to cut up their football with the kitchen knife, which they found funny. but i think it's funny how they don't realise i'm serious.
and then, on the the way home, i had to get a picture of po sticking out of this rucksack. what a day.
i'm sorry. but i just had to take a picture of the woman with the giant dogs at shipley train station this morning.
woo hoo.
brother #1 is bringing the nieces and sister in law #1 up to bradford this weekend. i've got matilda on dvd, planned a day trip to leeds (leeds leeds leeds, because there's no where else dammit!) and if that fails to keep them busy, i'll send them out onto the killing ground, where all the wild kids are.
brother #1 is bringing the nieces and sister in law #1 up to bradford this weekend. i've got matilda on dvd, planned a day trip to leeds (leeds leeds leeds, because there's no where else dammit!) and if that fails to keep them busy, i'll send them out onto the killing ground, where all the wild kids are.
around the mp3 blogosphere in 80 seconds. though personally, i wish i'd never come into contact with the mp3 blogosphere, because now i think everything should be 'right click save as'.
hmm. seven weeks later.
mother in law: i went to visit this woman yesterday. she's really old, and you know what she said to me?
daughter: what? what did she say?
mother in law: she said 'how are your grandchildren?' which is funny, isn't it, because i haven't got any!
me: ...
i need to come up with snappy retorts. for that i need to become bitter and twisted. give it time.
mother in law: i went to visit this woman yesterday. she's really old, and you know what she said to me?
daughter: what? what did she say?
mother in law: she said 'how are your grandchildren?' which is funny, isn't it, because i haven't got any!
me: ...
i need to come up with snappy retorts. for that i need to become bitter and twisted. give it time.
message received: what up bradford bushra, hows it going? (u shda moved to the south WE R ALL CIVILISED)
i need to get my brain in gear before i answer that one. speaking of which, at sister #1's on saturday:
me: this fasting is a bit of a killer. this morning i woke up and my head was like, whoa! and my ear was ringing too. not ringing. more like a continuous beeeeeeeep.
sister #1: really? my doctor said that's the sound of your brain processing stuff.
me: ...
sister #1: ...
me: ask your doctor this: if that's true, then how come i don't hear the windows startup sound when i wake up?
also: move up north, and it's only a matter of time before you spot someone off the cast of emmerdale, innit.
i need to get my brain in gear before i answer that one. speaking of which, at sister #1's on saturday:
me: this fasting is a bit of a killer. this morning i woke up and my head was like, whoa! and my ear was ringing too. not ringing. more like a continuous beeeeeeeep.
sister #1: really? my doctor said that's the sound of your brain processing stuff.
me: ...
sister #1: ...
me: ask your doctor this: if that's true, then how come i don't hear the windows startup sound when i wake up?
also: move up north, and it's only a matter of time before you spot someone off the cast of emmerdale, innit.
Subject: Jimmy's.
did i ever mention i'm like, addicted to my email? i can get email on my phone y'know (thanks for your email, crinklybee!). anyway. just before i left the office this afternoon, i sent the following message to J from my gmail address. but accessing my gmail on my phone is a bit of a headache, so i have it forwarded to my yahoo account, which i access on my phone. anyway:
me: Guess where i'm going this afternoon?
J: Er... Jimmy's?
J: Aha! A short interval on Google reveals that Jimmy's is, in fact, St James's Hospital, named in honour of the famous Leeds-born St Jimmy Saville. Do you think you'll see him there? Bushra, if you see St Jimmy at Jimmy's, PLEASE get his autograph for me, because he is one of my heroes, seriously. I'm not even joking. I hope you get this message in time.
me: You crackpot.
J: No, seriously, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that Jimmy Saville does so much charity work for hospitals that when he's in the area they let him crash there for the night. You might well see him. In the most recent pics I've seen he's been wearing a full-length puffa jacket, tracksuit, big trainers and sunglasses. If you approach him he'll be friendly but perhaps a little over familiar, but if you could get a little message and an autograph that would be just super. Howzabout that?
did i ever mention i'm like, addicted to my email? i can get email on my phone y'know (thanks for your email, crinklybee!). anyway. just before i left the office this afternoon, i sent the following message to J from my gmail address. but accessing my gmail on my phone is a bit of a headache, so i have it forwarded to my yahoo account, which i access on my phone. anyway:
me: Guess where i'm going this afternoon?
J: Er... Jimmy's?
J: Aha! A short interval on Google reveals that Jimmy's is, in fact, St James's Hospital, named in honour of the famous Leeds-born St Jimmy Saville. Do you think you'll see him there? Bushra, if you see St Jimmy at Jimmy's, PLEASE get his autograph for me, because he is one of my heroes, seriously. I'm not even joking. I hope you get this message in time.
me: You crackpot.
J: No, seriously, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that Jimmy Saville does so much charity work for hospitals that when he's in the area they let him crash there for the night. You might well see him. In the most recent pics I've seen he's been wearing a full-length puffa jacket, tracksuit, big trainers and sunglasses. If you approach him he'll be friendly but perhaps a little over familiar, but if you could get a little message and an autograph that would be just super. Howzabout that?
sister #4 calling.
me: ello.
her: hiya.
me: sup?
her: ah, nothing. just calling to see how you're doing. you at work?
me: yep.
her: hmm.
me: brother #5 keeps giving me missed calls. in the end i just texted him and said if it's more than a tenner you can forget it. hang on. he's calling me now.
her: ha? but he's here! oi! you! hang up! I'M talking to her first!'...yeah. so. how's things?
me: ello.
her: hiya.
me: sup?
her: ah, nothing. just calling to see how you're doing. you at work?
me: yep.
her: hmm.
me: brother #5 keeps giving me missed calls. in the end i just texted him and said if it's more than a tenner you can forget it. hang on. he's calling me now.
her: ha? but he's here! oi! you! hang up! I'M talking to her first!'...yeah. so. how's things?
friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
(woot.)
i did warn y'all about the killing ground, didn't i? well sort of anyway. i had some time to kill before dinner yesterday, so i took a bag of mattel ello to niece #2's, we were going to work out what it was together. in the end we gave up and strung up all the pieces and made a necklace. anyway. made my escape before sister #2 could persuade me to eat at hers again. it's not that i don't like her cooking, i love it but i thought i better be a good kid and sit down and eat with the in-laws for once. then i can go off and do my own thing for at least two weeks.
walking back, i could see sister #1's father in law watching me from that attic window. i think it's like a lookout or something. i see the window slowly open as i approach my house and the old man shouts out, from all the way up there. argh. so i shout right back:
me: what!
him: eat at ours today!
me: not today!
him: i said eat at ours today!
me: i said not today!
him: eat at ours today!
me: saturday! i'm coming round on saturday!
him: all right then.
so that's my social diary sorted: samosas on a tuesday, chicken on a thursday, no idea what on a friday and pasta on a saturday (it's the only way sister #1 could persuade me, innit.)
(woot.)
i did warn y'all about the killing ground, didn't i? well sort of anyway. i had some time to kill before dinner yesterday, so i took a bag of mattel ello to niece #2's, we were going to work out what it was together. in the end we gave up and strung up all the pieces and made a necklace. anyway. made my escape before sister #2 could persuade me to eat at hers again. it's not that i don't like her cooking, i love it but i thought i better be a good kid and sit down and eat with the in-laws for once. then i can go off and do my own thing for at least two weeks.
walking back, i could see sister #1's father in law watching me from that attic window. i think it's like a lookout or something. i see the window slowly open as i approach my house and the old man shouts out, from all the way up there. argh. so i shout right back:
me: what!
him: eat at ours today!
me: not today!
him: i said eat at ours today!
me: i said not today!
him: eat at ours today!
me: saturday! i'm coming round on saturday!
him: all right then.
so that's my social diary sorted: samosas on a tuesday, chicken on a thursday, no idea what on a friday and pasta on a saturday (it's the only way sister #1 could persuade me, innit.)
all those who can't stand gushy posts, hit Alt and F4 keys at the same time.
i got some mail yesterday:
To Bushra our Best Antie
We love you and we Miss you very much. When you coming bakc?
love from
Niece #1 xx
Niece #3 xx
Nephew #4 xx
Niece #4 xx
Niece #5 xx
aaaah. i did warn you.
the parents were up in bradford yesterday. the dad thinks i've shrunk. the mother thought i looked a bit ill the last time she came up, and she thinks i look a lot better now. personally i think the dumbing down exercise has gone too far. i've become really scatty, i keep burning/cutting my hands. oh well, at the least the headaches have gone.
i got some mail yesterday:
To Bushra our Best Antie
We love you and we Miss you very much. When you coming bakc?
love from
Niece #1 xx
Niece #3 xx
Nephew #4 xx
Niece #4 xx
Niece #5 xx
aaaah. i did warn you.
the parents were up in bradford yesterday. the dad thinks i've shrunk. the mother thought i looked a bit ill the last time she came up, and she thinks i look a lot better now. personally i think the dumbing down exercise has gone too far. i've become really scatty, i keep burning/cutting my hands. oh well, at the least the headaches have gone.
office person #2, who is up here from the birmingham office for a couple of days was telling t'others about the breakfast she had at her hotel.
#1: was it as good as the hotel we were at last week?
#2: ooh no. i loved that hotel. on the first day i had carrot cake. on the second day i had chocolate fudge cake, and on the third day i had chocolate fudge cake and cheesecake!
#1: i found that fudge cake sat in my stomach like a heavy weight.
#2: not me! no way! i love chocolate fudge cake.
#3 has been quiet for most of the conversation, but now she looks over at me and asks 'are you still fasting?', which made the other two gasp and shriek and 'oh my god!' and 'sorry! so sorry!' but it made me laugh. a lot.
#1: was it as good as the hotel we were at last week?
#2: ooh no. i loved that hotel. on the first day i had carrot cake. on the second day i had chocolate fudge cake, and on the third day i had chocolate fudge cake and cheesecake!
#1: i found that fudge cake sat in my stomach like a heavy weight.
#2: not me! no way! i love chocolate fudge cake.
#3 has been quiet for most of the conversation, but now she looks over at me and asks 'are you still fasting?', which made the other two gasp and shriek and 'oh my god!' and 'sorry! so sorry!' but it made me laugh. a lot.
i dunno. all of a sudden i felt like using a blogger template.
it's cold up here. i want to phone nephew #4 and make him sing 'i'm mr lonely' down the phone. and then i thought maybe take a walk around leeds, but yes, it's too cold for that. still, you've gotta laugh at this celebrity way-calling. ugh, i bet this link is so old. after moving up here everything seems to move in slow motion. honest. i used to run around in birmingham and every second thought was 'no time! no time!' and now it's like 'i'm walking. i must move my left foot then my right foot. left. right. l-e-e-eft. r-i-i-i-i-i-ght.' still. it's a funny page and it might make you laugh. even if it is silent laughing at your desk where no-one really knows who you are and what you're doing here.
ooh. email.
hay i am from Mansehra city N W F P Pakistan i am male 30.May i know about you please.
honestly. you get married and everyone wants to know you.
it's cold up here. i want to phone nephew #4 and make him sing 'i'm mr lonely' down the phone. and then i thought maybe take a walk around leeds, but yes, it's too cold for that. still, you've gotta laugh at this celebrity way-calling. ugh, i bet this link is so old. after moving up here everything seems to move in slow motion. honest. i used to run around in birmingham and every second thought was 'no time! no time!' and now it's like 'i'm walking. i must move my left foot then my right foot. left. right. l-e-e-eft. r-i-i-i-i-i-ght.' still. it's a funny page and it might make you laugh. even if it is silent laughing at your desk where no-one really knows who you are and what you're doing here.
ooh. email.
hay i am from Mansehra city N W F P Pakistan i am male 30.May i know about you please.
honestly. you get married and everyone wants to know you.
we'll give you the world...
#1: ronnie barker has died.
#2: oh no!
#1: it says here 'he died peacefully on Monday'.
#2: oh, that's sad. i'm sad now.
#1: i'm sorry. i'm sorry i made you sad.
#2: it's ok. i'll soon get happy.
#1: in other news however, the EU has opened talks, Turkey has officially begun membership talks with the European Union.
#2: ... to be honest. i don't know much about it, and i don't really care. in fact. i'm more concerned that kids might be stopped from going to the chippy at lunchtime! i'd go mad about that if i was still at school!
#1: ronnie barker has died.
#2: oh no!
#1: it says here 'he died peacefully on Monday'.
#2: oh, that's sad. i'm sad now.
#1: i'm sorry. i'm sorry i made you sad.
#2: it's ok. i'll soon get happy.
#1: in other news however, the EU has opened talks, Turkey has officially begun membership talks with the European Union.
#2: ... to be honest. i don't know much about it, and i don't really care. in fact. i'm more concerned that kids might be stopped from going to the chippy at lunchtime! i'd go mad about that if i was still at school!
things about bradford, part 2
ohmigod, it's ramadan already. and it fits in with another thing about bradford, this time about how most of the families here start ramadan a day earlier or a day later. yesterday i thought the mother-in-law was being sarcastic, i asked her if the family would be fasting and she replied 'no' in a 'duh' kind of tone. but sister #4 called and told me the dad said ramadan begins today.
which is why i was wandering the house and having breakfast at 5am this morning, and when i went back upstairs i actually took my slippers off because of the creaky floorboards and i didn't want to make it obvious that hello, am i the only one fasting today? how weird is it going to be, fasting a day before everyone else? sister #4 wants to know if i'm coming back to birmingham for eid, but i kinda already promised to take niece #2 and nephew #1 to WokMania in leeds. i can't decide. anyway. WokMania. i know. next door is the curry companion SpiceMania. woo hoo.
ohmigod, it's ramadan already. and it fits in with another thing about bradford, this time about how most of the families here start ramadan a day earlier or a day later. yesterday i thought the mother-in-law was being sarcastic, i asked her if the family would be fasting and she replied 'no' in a 'duh' kind of tone. but sister #4 called and told me the dad said ramadan begins today.
which is why i was wandering the house and having breakfast at 5am this morning, and when i went back upstairs i actually took my slippers off because of the creaky floorboards and i didn't want to make it obvious that hello, am i the only one fasting today? how weird is it going to be, fasting a day before everyone else? sister #4 wants to know if i'm coming back to birmingham for eid, but i kinda already promised to take niece #2 and nephew #1 to WokMania in leeds. i can't decide. anyway. WokMania. i know. next door is the curry companion SpiceMania. woo hoo.
things about bradford, part 1.
i'm not knocking it. bradford, that is. i'm just making observations okay? and if you do kick up a fuss, make sure yer from bradford and not some troublemaker, eh? anyway. sister-in-law B (yep. all new in-laws are lettered. i'm so clever) wanted to clarify something:
her: i meant to explain the sirens.
me: eh?
her: you know. the ones you hear every hour of every night and every day.
me: oh right. go ahead.
her: there's a police station at the top of the main road off ours.
me: oh, i see...
i'm not knocking it. bradford, that is. i'm just making observations okay? and if you do kick up a fuss, make sure yer from bradford and not some troublemaker, eh? anyway. sister-in-law B (yep. all new in-laws are lettered. i'm so clever) wanted to clarify something:
her: i meant to explain the sirens.
me: eh?
her: you know. the ones you hear every hour of every night and every day.
me: oh right. go ahead.
her: there's a police station at the top of the main road off ours.
me: oh, i see...
and another thing about work: forget shaking desks. the whole floor likes to shake-shake its thing here.
i'm still not sure how to number people here. anyway. i was at sister #1's yesterday evening. she and her husband live with her sister-in-law, her kids, and her father-in-law. i'm always yakking away with the two oldest daughters. we were up in the attic, where you can see most of the city, and more importantly, the killing ground. i can see the people driving up and down the back street of where sister #1 lives, and the back street of where i live, which is where sister #2 lives too. and yes, at the far end of our back street i can see nephew #2 wrestling kids twice his size, and nephew #1 all on his own, spinning round on the spot with his yo-yo.
daughter #1: i don’t know why you go on about people staring out the windows, yer doing it yourself!
me: hey, i never used to look out until i came here! it’s a bradford thing. in fact, your aunt, my sister-in-law #1, is the only one who stares out her window in birmingham, all, day, long!
daughter #2: face it, you’re becoming one of us.
me: no i’m not, maybe i’m just pretending to stare out the window, maybe i’m just copying what you do so i fit in and get out of the way of that car nephew #1!!!
not that he can hear me from all the way over here, but nephew #1 jumps out of the way in time anyway.
daughter #1: i don’t know why you go on about people staring out the windows, yer doing it yourself!
me: hey, i never used to look out until i came here! it’s a bradford thing. in fact, your aunt, my sister-in-law #1, is the only one who stares out her window in birmingham, all, day, long!
daughter #2: face it, you’re becoming one of us.
me: no i’m not, maybe i’m just pretending to stare out the window, maybe i’m just copying what you do so i fit in and get out of the way of that car nephew #1!!!
not that he can hear me from all the way over here, but nephew #1 jumps out of the way in time anyway.