fudge it

the podite, also known as office person K, is leaving today. for his information as well as everyone else, here's five things my blog could tell you about him:

he collects football shirts.
he's not clued up on his maths.
he took some great pictures on the office trip to the birmingham back-to-back houses.
he wants to know: where do you sit on kylie?
shaking desks don't worry him, but calling your desk island 'pod 1' will.

and today we've all learned he's a big fan of sky blue sam. he can even sing his song too.

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is it, now?

Time travel film tops family poll: Hit movie Back to the Future is the perfect family film, according to a poll. The 1985 movie, starring Michael J Fox, had the perfect ingredients for family viewing, researchers found.

let me tell you about the time Back to The Future 2 came out. my school decided on a day out to go see it at the cinema. brother #3 was allowed to go, but i wasn't because i was a girl. i'm not resentful or anything. i just don't let the dad anywhere near my dvd's, that's all.

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Children's TV hit Balamory to end: Children's TV favourite Balamory is to come to an end after producers decided "to explore other programme ideas".

this is not good. niece #1 and i used to to sit and watch this with our cups of tea. no more singing along to 'call on edie, edie mcredie...'

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Cairo dilemma over prayer calls: "I'm not an irreligious man...But there were no loudspeakers at the time of the Prophet. Now, rather than being a joy, to listen to the call to prayer is a daily torture to the ears."

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look what saima found.

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the authority has been forced to give up his workstation while an office person uses his computer to get some, like, really really important work done. he's taken up residence in one of the empty desks opposite mine.

him: do you know how many brain cells you're losing with those earphones on?
me: it doesn't matter if it means i don't have to listen to you.
him: ha! but eventually you won't be able to hear anyone at all.
me: that's the plan...

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brother #4 likes nouvelle vague too. vh1.com are streaming the album. [from stereogum]

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ok ok ok. the nokia 3230? or the nokia 6630? eh?

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Bandaid on Closet Spy: 'There are so many out there - here's a guide to a few of the colours and the causes you'll be supporting.'

er, how many is a few? i don't know what to make of this charity wrist band craze. there was a kid on the bus this morning wearing a pink (that's breast cancer) wristband and an orange one (that's anti-smoking). after reading the cover of today's metro she burst out laughing and relayed to another kid what had made her laugh:

'look! look! it says here, that abigail witchalls says that instead of people donating flowers she wants them to make a donation to the world poverty day! ha-ha-ha!'

i'm still trying to figure out why that was so funny, i mean it's a nice thing to do but how does that make it funny? and i suppose pink and orange do go together, in a fashion accessory sort of way.

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'
Kufr is defined by most commentators of the Holy Koran as "denial of the truth". Basically, the word means to cover, to conceal.'

me: look at the spelling on that poster.
brother #4: it's reaching out to the youth, innit.
me: but does that mean that while 'votin' is kufr, voting isn't?
brother #4: ha!

caught the bus home with brother #4 yesterday. there was a guy sitting there who sounded exactly, exactly like andy from little britain. his stop was moseley village, where recently a banner declaring 'moseley in bloom' has been put up.

him: look a' that. moseley in bloooom. tha's a joke, that-is.
brother #4: mmm...
me: (earphones, where are my earphones...)
him: it's tony blair, innit, he just wants 'nother five more years, innit.
brother #4: yeah...
him: i mean, i mean, can you see any flowers anywhere? can ya?
brother #4: no, you're right. so, who are you voting for?
him: labour!

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office talk: cars.

K: rovers are going really really cheap, i'm thinking of getting one.
S: maybe you should buy two, one for the spare parts!

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a message for niece #3:



she's four years old today. four!

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like 'em.

i almost forgot. here's an mp3 for you, by nouvelle vague. there's more to listen to here if you want. but the thing is, do you love it or hate it?

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Excuse Me For Laughing: Meme Amendment: I have just noticed that something got lost in the transcription regarding the Fahrenheit 451 question, which is meant to read: 'You're inside Fahrenheit 451. Which book would you burn?' Easy. THE F*CKING DA VINCI CODE...

hmm. fortunately i applied anger management to my entry.

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fancy getting a rejection letter for a job you didn't apply for. other news. brother #4 starts his new job today.

brother #1: where's he working?
me: at the magistrate's court.
brother #1: are you sure he's working there, or is he making an appearance?

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if i hadn't read this blog i wouldn't have known you could get this. the end.

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eh. things are so quiet. i'd blog about the little sibling arguments i've had at home but i think they're too serious. wait. is taking sister #5's much-loved toy model of a subaru and throwing it out while she wasn't looking serious? ah, never mind. what to do next.

i'm not addicted, am i?

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how dinky is this?



make your own here.

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ohmigod-are-you-really-going-to-take-a-picture-get-away-from-me-i-don't-know-you

sister #5 says that all the time. well actually not all the time, because we don't go anywhere together anymore. she embarrasses me and i embarrass her. anyway, i read a post on bongo vongo about how awkward it can be trying to get a cool picture. i could do some inspiring speak here and say find your inner, er, child or something, but there's no way around it. if you really really want to take a picture of something cool, funny or mad but you're in the middle of the street, in woolworths (and even then you're just about to take a picture when one of your old work friends shouts out your name), or at an office person's desk (am i just showing off now?) then just take it. sure people are looking at you like you're mad, but at least you got your picture, innit?

(and if that doesn't help, then well, you'd better ask brian.)

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Multipurpose Unilateral Nonsense Generator.

all right all right all right. who's munging the blog? (though i like the valley speak version myself!)

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office person M has brought lots of sweets in. click on the picture and you can see what's what. i don't think i'm going to try the vimto bonbons in a hurry though.

there's only four office people here today. and we're all playing with election type links like these:

who should you vote for?
subservient blair (i tried to get him to stand on one leg, but he wouldn't)
spin on: london calling election special
get your own conservatives poster

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i told the dad at least five times before he left, 'you'd better not give my old phone away!' because everytime he goes to pakistan with a phone, he never brings it back. he took my old samsung with him, and of course he gave it away. i could make him feel bad about it but he's a bit tired, and if i wind him up he'll never tell me the full story behind the pictures of him playing the VIP at a school awards ceremony. seriously, there's pictures of him presenting these children with trophies and stuff!

office conversation today:

paula paula paula, did you see what paula did the other day?

blood spinning, it's all the rage for football players, apparently.

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my english lit teacher was called mrs miller.

she always used to give me a look that said 'you're not going to get very far, are you?' which was funny. mrs miller's building was a bit of a walk from ours, and one day a whole bunch of us skipped her lesson because we couldn't be bothered. mrs miller was so angry she phoned the head of our building with a list of missing people. when the head did find us (in the library, god we were bad) a couple of girls immediately jumped out and said 'i forgot! honest i forgot!' the rest of us sat there as he went through his list and tried to match the names with faces. i was the last one left. i didn't say a word. let him figure it out. he looked at his list. then at me. list. me. list again. me again. no, obviously not on the list. i don't know, i think it's a gift. don't you try it.

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there's a set of meeting rooms near our desks. a group of people have been sitting in one of the darker rooms for oh, three hours now, at least.

K: do you think someone should go in there and tell them that the lights don't come on automatically, and that they need to switch them on?
me: maybe they like sitting in the dark. in fact, i think it's probably a meeting for a secret society or something.
K: M, as the health and safety person i think you should go in and tell them.
M: no!
me: but what if there is something sinister going on, and we never see M again?

a few minutes later.

M: i will give a bag of sweets to the person who will go in there and tell them.
K: wait. i will give a bag sweets as well, to the person who goes in there, switches the lights on and then walks out without saying a word.

er, no.

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this isn't an mp3 blog. honest it isn't. and i doubt i'll ever do album reviews either (sorry). but i can't think of anything to post up here, other than 'chicane - spirit' (N: maybe it'll cheer you up a bit?). anyway. things might, i said might, get quiet round here for a bit.

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sister #5 and i have agreed that two and a half men is slightly funnier than the not-so-funny joey. we've also noticed how weird it is that the tv seemed to start working just fine after the dad left for pakistan (don't ask) and now the dad is returning in (eek) seven days time, it seems to have started acting up again. anyway. we're watching the x-box advert for doom, right, and it starts with those words, something like 'they say that just before you die, you see a white light':

sister #5: is that true?
me: how would i know, i'm not dead yet!
sister #5: looks good though, doesn't it?
me: yeah, but we're not getting it. you haven't seen how mad things get when we play computer games.
sister #5: really?
me: yeah. actually, there was this one occasion you were playing streetfighter with brother #5, he hit your character a few times, and then moved to the side of the screen until it was time out. that way he'd win because your character had less energy. but you kept shouting at him to get in the middle of the screen and he just laughed at you. so you put the controller down, jumped up and started punching the living daylights out of him.
sister #5: no way! that's so funny!

i did a bit of a spring clean over the weekend. among the household junk the city council will be picking up from our street this morning, will be three broken chairs. ahem.

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never a dull moment

me: so anyway. something has been troubling me all week. it's silly really. but ever since the dad went to pakistan we've had weekend after weekend of screaming matches and fights. last week was pretty spectacular, brother #4 and #5 were making dents in the walls and the mother said i was the devil behind it all (i so wasn't. but if brother #5 is going to insult me then i'm perfectly within my rights to slam my door shut with the intention of hitting his face with it). getting bogged down with detail now. the thing is, the mother was on the phone to the dad, the kids are out of control, i can't take this anymore. so he's cutting his trip short. it's that feeling you'd get when you were a kid and you know you're in deep trouble? that.
J: Ooooh. That's a drag. No-one can make you feel bad like your parents can; it's like a special gift they possess.

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J: 'When I was lying in bed during the night, tossing and turning, unable to sleep, and thinking about death, and about how everybody I know is going to die, and that I'm going to die, and will it hurt when I die, and what will my final conscious thought be before I die, and about how there's no avoiding it, I'm going to die and I won't be around anymore to see how things turned out, I did fleetingly have one more upbeat thought, and it was: It's really good how there are no album reviews on Bushra's weblog.'

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don't ask.

me: so, i cleaned up that crime scene you left in the kitchen last night.
brother #4: whoopsie-daisy!

so anyway. i moved desks yesterday. and now i can't stop looking out of the window.

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brother #1 invested in a freeview tv recorder a few months back, and saw the benefit last week when he recorded the original versions of ring and ring 2. the nieces tend to take up most of his free time, so he was watching bits of the films whenever he got the chance over the weekend. i was returning niece #4 to her rightful owners and found brother #1 and niece #1 watching one of the films.

niece #1: i don't want to watch this anymore.
brother #1: ok, wait let me watch this part first.
niece #1: it's too scary, i want to watch something else now (switches channel).
brother #1: don't do that! if you do that then it comes after you!
niece #1 starts bawling her eyes out.
me: i can't believe you just did that!

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'look bushra, you got your wish...'

no more noisy office people. they've moved away, to the other end of the office. i'm thinking of installing surveillance equipment but at the moment they seem to be pretty quiet anyway. but in the meantime you'll have to make do with us office people.

K: i see charles and camilla have postponed their wedding.
N: really?
K: yes it's on saturday instead, so we'll be able to watch it.
me: are you really going to watch it?
K: yes, aren't you?
N: er, no!
me: i'll probably catch up on sleep.
K: but this is history! S, will you be watching?
S: yeah, i'll be sitting in front of the telly with my union jack flag, tea towel, hat...
K: see, it's times like this i'm proud to be british.
me: you're not going to cry, are you?
K: well, of course when we get to see the bride in her dress, there's no stopping anyone is there?

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me: Here's that music from that adidas advert, which looks like it was a dream or something.
J: I didn't know that was the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
me: Is the fact that it's the Yeah Yeah Yeahs a good thing or a bad thing?
J: I like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, despite the Avrils and Natashas and Natalies of this world (that's Natalie as in Imbruglia) I prefer women singers. And despite having seen her live, I still like PJ Harvey. Although if I ever meet her, I'm going to ask for my money back.

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so hey. here's some news. sister #3 is getting married this summer. it was all was decided in january, the parents begged and pleaded with her not to bring dishonour onto their very good name. sister #3 thought, whoa, this guy's house is in bradford but wait, he has a broadband internet connection! it's a deal! so in august she leaves fudgeit towers in birmingham for a life with the in-laws in bradford. sister #3? sister #3? that's me, innit.

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