the Annoying Thing. first brother #4 kept playing it over and over on his phone. then he swapped phones with sister #5 and now she won't stop playing the bloody (really it is) annoying thing.
a message from nephew #4 (he even picked the colour):
o9777777yyydb dv ghkl../..l.iiygv ftjujl,k;;n,
i'm keeping him busy with the new balamory karaoke. i think penny pocket and suzie sweet finally couldn't hide how much they really hate each other, they have their own songs now.
o9777777yyydb dv ghkl../..l.iiygv ftjujl,k;;n,
i'm keeping him busy with the new balamory karaoke. i think penny pocket and suzie sweet finally couldn't hide how much they really hate each other, they have their own songs now.
saturday doing nothing. in the living room with brother #2 this afternoon:
him: are you gonna get a paper?
me: i might.
him: if you do, just hang around, and look through them all...
me: for the best free stuff!
him: ...for the best world news section.
me: oh.
also: niece #1 kept rushing to the bathroom today. she thinks she's 'got a runny tummy.' which made me laugh.
him: are you gonna get a paper?
me: i might.
him: if you do, just hang around, and look through them all...
me: for the best free stuff!
him: ...for the best world news section.
me: oh.
also: niece #1 kept rushing to the bathroom today. she thinks she's 'got a runny tummy.' which made me laugh.
suggestion box.
J wants to find a job where he can work alone:
S has a number of people assembled by the telephones and is reassuring them that the psychometric test he is about to perform upon them will be 'really interesting'. In his booming voice he asks 25 questions (including, ironically, 'Do you prefer to do things alone?'). It seems to go on forever. Conspicuously absent is, 'Do you harbour feelings of murderous intent towards your colleagues?', meaning that the test would only measure a small percentage of my personality when at work.
Window cleaning. Window cleaners work alone, don't they?
ideas go in the comments box, innit.
J wants to find a job where he can work alone:
S has a number of people assembled by the telephones and is reassuring them that the psychometric test he is about to perform upon them will be 'really interesting'. In his booming voice he asks 25 questions (including, ironically, 'Do you prefer to do things alone?'). It seems to go on forever. Conspicuously absent is, 'Do you harbour feelings of murderous intent towards your colleagues?', meaning that the test would only measure a small percentage of my personality when at work.
Window cleaning. Window cleaners work alone, don't they?
ideas go in the comments box, innit.
J: Holy moly, there are 16 messages in response to the 3 weblog entry. So, like, the advert obviously works.
ok. so here's what three have to say (thanks N).
1: The violence is cartoon like and is no worse than anything Tom and Jerry have been doing to each other for decades.
2: I feel I cannot explain the point of the violence, or how the campaign would differ without it. Violence is in most cases pointless, but here it would seem to endear the characters to the viewer.
ok. so here's what three have to say (thanks N).
1: The violence is cartoon like and is no worse than anything Tom and Jerry have been doing to each other for decades.
2: I feel I cannot explain the point of the violence, or how the campaign would differ without it. Violence is in most cases pointless, but here it would seem to endear the characters to the viewer.
if you want to laugh cynically at my shiny new camera, that's fine. but when i take pictures of your youngest daughter a.k.a. niece #4 climbing up the stairs for the first time ever while you were out, well, i'm not one to gloat...honest.
woo-hoo.
i won a competition at work. so this year, instead of not going, i am going to the clothes show live.
i won a competition at work. so this year, instead of not going, i am going to the clothes show live.
welcome to planet 3: i was a bit annoyed by the short animated adverts for three on tv, i thought they were trying to be funny but they're not. but wait till you see the 'jellyfish' and 'singing cherry' ads.
yesterday on the bus home, the silent tv (yes, the new thing for public transport in birmingham is a tv without speakers) was showing this really long three advert (pandamonium, go see it on the link above, like, now!) where the cute little cartoon characters were getting chopped up, hit by baseball bats or having falling stars embedded in their heads and stuff. now that's funny. plus the tv is right next to the buggy zone of the bus, so imagine what effect the ad would have on ickle kids.
yesterday on the bus home, the silent tv (yes, the new thing for public transport in birmingham is a tv without speakers) was showing this really long three advert (pandamonium, go see it on the link above, like, now!) where the cute little cartoon characters were getting chopped up, hit by baseball bats or having falling stars embedded in their heads and stuff. now that's funny. plus the tv is right next to the buggy zone of the bus, so imagine what effect the ad would have on ickle kids.
in the living room last night, the plan was to get niece #4 tired enough to fall asleep. niece #3 arrived and sat next to me (i think she was waiting in line, cos i got her to sleep later as well). niece #1 is poorly. i was this close to getting niece #4 asleep when the phone rang. argh!
me: hel-lo!
caller: is sister #5 there please?
me: hang on.
sister-in-law #1: (from upstairs) she's asleep!
me: she's asleep.
caller: er, but she just called me from her mobile?
me: what? are you a clone of sister #5 or something? (to sister-in-law #1:) you're not going to believe this, but there are more people out there who are just like sister #5!
thing is, i was annoyed because she'd used that 'whatever' tone teenagers like to use these days (yes. sounds old. you don't have to tell me that). so i head upstairs with niece #4. she's not looking impressed either. knock-knock-knock on sister #5's door. no answer. back downstairs to the phone.
me: i just knocked on her door, there's no answer, so i'm telling you she's asleep.
caller: fine, i'll just call her mobile then innit.
me: you do that.
i don't know how to end this post. except we say 'cheeky cow' quite often round 'ere.
me: hel-lo!
caller: is sister #5 there please?
me: hang on.
sister-in-law #1: (from upstairs) she's asleep!
me: she's asleep.
caller: er, but she just called me from her mobile?
me: what? are you a clone of sister #5 or something? (to sister-in-law #1:) you're not going to believe this, but there are more people out there who are just like sister #5!
thing is, i was annoyed because she'd used that 'whatever' tone teenagers like to use these days (yes. sounds old. you don't have to tell me that). so i head upstairs with niece #4. she's not looking impressed either. knock-knock-knock on sister #5's door. no answer. back downstairs to the phone.
me: i just knocked on her door, there's no answer, so i'm telling you she's asleep.
caller: fine, i'll just call her mobile then innit.
me: you do that.
i don't know how to end this post. except we say 'cheeky cow' quite often round 'ere.
oops!
i left my phone at home today. i forgot something else as well, only i can't remember what...
about flickr: do you pronounce it 'flick-ah', or 'flick-urr' (think chingy's right thurr).
i left my phone at home today. i forgot something else as well, only i can't remember what...
about flickr: do you pronounce it 'flick-ah', or 'flick-urr' (think chingy's right thurr).
whoo. moving stuff from textamerica to flickr wasn't as tough as i thought.
i forgot to mention. the mother can't seem to say the word vanilla, so instead she refers to the 'coke cans with salmonella.'
Out of Office is currently on. Would you like to switch it off?
go on then. if i must. things i did last week:
ooh look, i have voicemail. hmm. it's for someone called steve. steve, whoever you are, the parts for your car won't be available for another few weeks, but the voice on the phone has arranged a courtesy car for you in the meantime. if this is a problem, 'give 'em a call.'
go on then. if i must. things i did last week:
- eat very badly.
- take the nieces to school/nursery (x 5)
- pick up niece #3 from nursery later in the morning (x 5)
- pick up niece #1 from school in the afternoon (x 5)
- drop off niece #1 to the mosque (x 4: on one day she started crying at the door of the mosque, she said she had a headache but i just knew she was making it up but i couldn't say no, could i?)
- buy lots of cakes at the school cake sale, niece #1 didn't care that it was pouring down with rain, she was going to eat her chocolate krispie cake thing no matter what.
ooh look, i have voicemail. hmm. it's for someone called steve. steve, whoever you are, the parts for your car won't be available for another few weeks, but the voice on the phone has arranged a courtesy car for you in the meantime. if this is a problem, 'give 'em a call.'
i watched the day after tomorrow on the ickle dvd player on friday, then i kept looking out of the window to make sure it wasn't snowing. i couldn't stop laughing at the bit where the reporter gets hit by that giant piece of metal. that's bad, i know. sorry. and i didn't even do any work on the garden either.
N: I almost put "get J to blog it" instead of get "J to check it" on one of my tasks. Help I am getting obsessed.
me: you're doomed! even i haven't got that far yet!
back in a week. or something like that.
me: i have the week off next week.
the mother: oh good, we can work on the garden together.
me: you're doomed! even i haven't got that far yet!
back in a week. or something like that.
me: i have the week off next week.
the mother: oh good, we can work on the garden together.
you need to get some help.
office person M was proudly showing off her badger balm lip balm this morning.
me: badger balm?
M: badger balm.
me: smells nice. (ginger and lemon)
M: i can't believe you haven't heard of it.
me: yes, but i do have three neutrogena lip balms, one palmers lip balm and one mentholatum softlips lip balm. ( i just remembered, i have benetint lip balm too. whoa.)
M: dr haushcka do some nice lip balm too.
me: you've got a juicy tube! i just knew you'd have one of those!
M: i love it!
me: i did buy superbalm once, but i gave it to my sister. too sticky.
N: it's not nice, you have long hair and it ends up sticking to your face!
i sent this email to the others this afternoon:
yes. there is such thing as lip balm addiction.
office person M was proudly showing off her badger balm lip balm this morning.
me: badger balm?
M: badger balm.
me: smells nice. (ginger and lemon)
M: i can't believe you haven't heard of it.
me: yes, but i do have three neutrogena lip balms, one palmers lip balm and one mentholatum softlips lip balm. ( i just remembered, i have benetint lip balm too. whoa.)
M: dr haushcka do some nice lip balm too.
me: you've got a juicy tube! i just knew you'd have one of those!
M: i love it!
me: i did buy superbalm once, but i gave it to my sister. too sticky.
N: it's not nice, you have long hair and it ends up sticking to your face!
i sent this email to the others this afternoon:
yes. there is such thing as lip balm addiction.
make 'em laugh.
officeperson: bushra, have you finished on your work thing yet?
me: all 200 pages of it.
officeperson: bushra, have you finished on your work thing yet?
me: all 200 pages of it.
cheaper than therapy: i thought they called them bumbershoots...
i just told the office people about this post, it is so funny.
office neighbour: i think someone's been having them on...
i just told the office people about this post, it is so funny.
office neighbour: i think someone's been having them on...
mixed up blog.
my stomach is making alien sounds. this is what happens when you have breakfast at 4.30am. still, one more day to go (i think, i hope).
oh. my. god. N just put an eid present on my desk. i don't know what to say! thanks, that's so sweet! but i can't open it until saturday. hmmm.
oh yeah, yesterday i was at pizza express at brindleyplace with my friends, and we saw a 12 year old boy get beaten up by a female security guard. like i needed more reasons to avoid the place...
look. it's nothing to write home about, but it's my first blog post at spizzazzz.
my stomach is making alien sounds. this is what happens when you have breakfast at 4.30am. still, one more day to go (i think, i hope).
oh. my. god. N just put an eid present on my desk. i don't know what to say! thanks, that's so sweet! but i can't open it until saturday. hmmm.
oh yeah, yesterday i was at pizza express at brindleyplace with my friends, and we saw a 12 year old boy get beaten up by a female security guard. like i needed more reasons to avoid the place...
look. it's nothing to write home about, but it's my first blog post at spizzazzz.
what to do, part two.
say someone told you something was going to happen to them next week. not exactly happen, but more that a certain day would mark something for them.
this was a work thing by the way. in the end i told another office neighbour about it and the end result is i've organised a card and gift as a surprise. the card was a print of a 19th century japanese wall hanging called 'egrets and irises' (it's on the moblog). anyway. there was a mad rush this morning to get people to sign it, when:
the authority: so who's the aesthetic?
N: what?
the authority: this card, it's the kind of card an aesthetic would buy.
me: er, i just picked the nicest card i could find...
the authority: well it's aesthetic art...
me: well ok.
the authority: and we know what aesthetics eventually get into...
N: what's that?
the authority: decadence...
N: eh?
me: leave it at that!
say someone told you something was going to happen to them next week. not exactly happen, but more that a certain day would mark something for them.
this was a work thing by the way. in the end i told another office neighbour about it and the end result is i've organised a card and gift as a surprise. the card was a print of a 19th century japanese wall hanging called 'egrets and irises' (it's on the moblog). anyway. there was a mad rush this morning to get people to sign it, when:
the authority: so who's the aesthetic?
N: what?
the authority: this card, it's the kind of card an aesthetic would buy.
me: er, i just picked the nicest card i could find...
the authority: well it's aesthetic art...
me: well ok.
the authority: and we know what aesthetics eventually get into...
N: what's that?
the authority: decadence...
N: eh?
me: leave it at that!
innocentgym by innocent smoothies [thanks to alison for the link]. i just figured out what it is you do on this. a little window should open with instructions and stuff. you make your way around the gym, to the pool, the aerobics class. lots of games.
i don't know how it happened. but the number of emails has gone from 761 to 320. i didn't do anything, honest.
The One with Ralph Lauren.
on the bus home with sister #4.
her: i wanna to go to that shop, they're selling ralph lo-renn jeans for twenty five quid.
me: you mean ralph lauren.
her: ralph law-renn.
me: ralph lauren.
her: raff lauren.
me: ...
her: laff rauren.
me: ralph. lauren.
her: ralph laulen. argh! see you got me all tingue toed now!
on the bus home with sister #4.
her: i wanna to go to that shop, they're selling ralph lo-renn jeans for twenty five quid.
me: you mean ralph lauren.
her: ralph law-renn.
me: ralph lauren.
her: raff lauren.
me: ...
her: laff rauren.
me: ralph. lauren.
her: ralph laulen. argh! see you got me all tingue toed now!
my mind's a blank, except for...
that can't be right. can it?
i think it is. it's got a price tag and it's even eligible for Super Saver Shipping.
seriously? naaaaaaaaaaaaaah...
can you really buy yourself a Home Automated External Defibrillator from amazon?
wait til i tell the dad about it.
mind still a blank...
i had this idea that i'd clean all the junk out of my work inbox, when i started there was 1032 emails. i gave up on 761.
that can't be right. can it?
i think it is. it's got a price tag and it's even eligible for Super Saver Shipping.
seriously? naaaaaaaaaaaaaah...
can you really buy yourself a Home Automated External Defibrillator from amazon?
wait til i tell the dad about it.
mind still a blank...
i had this idea that i'd clean all the junk out of my work inbox, when i started there was 1032 emails. i gave up on 761.
'I said her from the city so her got to be witty, witty
She said, him from the country so him got to be funky, funky'
shopping with sister-in-law #1 yesterday, she needed eid clothes for the nieces.* we finally found trousers in next to match the tops from mexx, and she stood in the very long line to pay for them while niece #3 and i waited by the christmas gifts. a very tired looking woman with her even more tired looking son in a buggy comes up to me. in her right hand is a plain white shirt with patches of fabric sewn on, in her left the same version but with lots of black stitching on it.
her: (sighs) which one do you think i should get?
me: have you got him any trousers to go with it?
her: yes.
me: what colour?
her: black.
me: get that one (pointing to the one on her left)
so she puts the plain one back on the rail and off she went. i think i might set up a little stand, you know, like lucy.
*message to selfridges. you know, it's really very nice for you to wish customers 'eid mubarak,' and even nicer that especially for eid, customers can get a 10% discount on all menswear. but what about the rest of us?!
She said, him from the country so him got to be funky, funky'
shopping with sister-in-law #1 yesterday, she needed eid clothes for the nieces.* we finally found trousers in next to match the tops from mexx, and she stood in the very long line to pay for them while niece #3 and i waited by the christmas gifts. a very tired looking woman with her even more tired looking son in a buggy comes up to me. in her right hand is a plain white shirt with patches of fabric sewn on, in her left the same version but with lots of black stitching on it.
her: (sighs) which one do you think i should get?
me: have you got him any trousers to go with it?
her: yes.
me: what colour?
her: black.
me: get that one (pointing to the one on her left)
so she puts the plain one back on the rail and off she went. i think i might set up a little stand, you know, like lucy.
*message to selfridges. you know, it's really very nice for you to wish customers 'eid mubarak,' and even nicer that especially for eid, customers can get a 10% discount on all menswear. but what about the rest of us?!
i just left brother #4 in the kitchen. having measured the width of his nose with a monkey wrench, he's standing in front of the mirror, seeing how much he can close the wrench on his nose.
someone has left a note under my door:
my name is bushra i believe that sister #5 is the best in the world therefore i will give her £40 for a new coat. signed, bushra.
i accept bushra's genorousity. signed, sister #5. 6/11/04.
don't worry. i'm not going to do anything crazy. i just want to have a cup of tea in peace.
someone has left a note under my door:
my name is bushra i believe that sister #5 is the best in the world therefore i will give her £40 for a new coat. signed, bushra.
i accept bushra's genorousity. signed, sister #5. 6/11/04.
don't worry. i'm not going to do anything crazy. i just want to have a cup of tea in peace.
what to do, etc.
say someone told you something was going to happen to them next week. not exactly happen, but more that a certain day would mark something for them. i suppose it was silly of me to promise not to tell anyone about it (hey, you should be congratulating me on being able to extract this information in the first place, given this person has known me for the least amount of time than everyone else).
this date that falls next week might not be something major for others, but they'd be impressed about it, so it's still kind of an important date, especially for that person and it really shouldn't go unnoticed. but, i can't tell anyone! it's a tough one, innit.
i need to go and break up a fight between the nieces. i turn my back for one minute...
say someone told you something was going to happen to them next week. not exactly happen, but more that a certain day would mark something for them. i suppose it was silly of me to promise not to tell anyone about it (hey, you should be congratulating me on being able to extract this information in the first place, given this person has known me for the least amount of time than everyone else).
this date that falls next week might not be something major for others, but they'd be impressed about it, so it's still kind of an important date, especially for that person and it really shouldn't go unnoticed. but, i can't tell anyone! it's a tough one, innit.
i need to go and break up a fight between the nieces. i turn my back for one minute...
now then. the right side of my face, i dunno. it looks a bit tired. years of pain from a bad tooth didn't help. but then i had the tooth taken out (i just realised last week. i have an odd number of teeth, as in 33. ha!) and the pain went. but every now and then it looks just a little bruised. it kinda hurts right now, because niece #1 kicked me in the face this evening. don't ask. but i will say we're not talking now.
Rise of the four-car family: 'Not long ago the two-car household was the last word in suburban affluence. But changing lifestyles and a fall in car prices have given rise to what used to be seen as an American phenomenon: the three- and four-car family.'
um. is it bad that we're a five-car family?
um. is it bad that we're a five-car family?
friday meeting.
office neighbour: S really isn't paying much attention, is he?
S: no.
me: you know what i'm thinking of?
them: what?
me: the peppermint hot chocolate they're doing at starbucks...
office neighbour: S really isn't paying much attention, is he?
S: no.
me: you know what i'm thinking of?
them: what?
me: the peppermint hot chocolate they're doing at starbucks...
i got home yesterday to find to find the mother was shouting at sister #5 upstairs, so i took a glass of water and one of those high strength evening primrose oil capsules for her. apparently the mother has bought six packs of coke on offer at the supermarket. the trouble is she picked up coke with vanilla, and the brothers weren't that fond of coke with vanilla.
me: if this doesn't work, we're getting her prozac.
the dad: ha!
the mother: i need you to find my purse. it has the receipt in it...
me: sure, take this first.
the mother: i need to take those cans back, the boys won't drink them...
me: i'll keep 'em. i don't mind coke with vanilla.
the mother: really?
me: yes. now go to sleep.
so yeah. 12 cans of coke, and they're all mine. look at that. a family addicted to coke.
me: if this doesn't work, we're getting her prozac.
the dad: ha!
the mother: i need you to find my purse. it has the receipt in it...
me: sure, take this first.
the mother: i need to take those cans back, the boys won't drink them...
me: i'll keep 'em. i don't mind coke with vanilla.
the mother: really?
me: yes. now go to sleep.
so yeah. 12 cans of coke, and they're all mine. look at that. a family addicted to coke.
today i'm like zzz...
the authority: so you all finished then?
me: with what? fasting?
him: no, i meant that other stuff!
me: what other stuff?
him: that work we discussed on tuesday.
me: oh, that. hang on, can i go to my desk, then come back here and start all over again?
him: you do that!
it took office neighbour and S to explain what was meant by: 'The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse will get the cheese...'
the authority: so you all finished then?
me: with what? fasting?
him: no, i meant that other stuff!
me: what other stuff?
him: that work we discussed on tuesday.
me: oh, that. hang on, can i go to my desk, then come back here and start all over again?
him: you do that!
it took office neighbour and S to explain what was meant by: 'The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse will get the cheese...'
sister #5: have you heard out of touch?
me: eh?
sister #5: it's by uniting nations. it's a song you'd probably like.
me: what are you talking about?
sister #5: here listen to this...
i hate it when she's right.
me: eh?
sister #5: it's by uniting nations. it's a song you'd probably like.
me: what are you talking about?
sister #5: here listen to this...
i hate it when she's right.
silent words speak loudest: 'Reasons To Be Cheerful is a new semi-regular feature in which I aim to highlight some of the places and events that give Birmingham its appeal. It remains more an attempt to convince myself than anyone else, but the thoughts and views of fellow second city residents and those well-acquainted with the place are very welcome indeed.'
other news. office people (yes, me included) were gathered round S's desk saying 'ow!ow!ow!' after looking at the pictures on here. still, at least the poor guy will be able to move a little bit faster than blogger, which is like, moving as if it has broken both its legs. argh!
other news. office people (yes, me included) were gathered round S's desk saying 'ow!ow!ow!' after looking at the pictures on here. still, at least the poor guy will be able to move a little bit faster than blogger, which is like, moving as if it has broken both its legs. argh!
in the supermarket with brother #2 on sunday, i was charging ahead getting the stuff we needed when he shouted from the other end of the dairy foods aisle: 'look at this!'
me: do you know, i'm sure brother #1 has bought those before.
brother #2: make sure you take a picture of the name and the whole box.
we found it funny. it depends on if you get it or not. but why would someone go to the trouble of producing dead posh chocolate desserts, only to call them gu?
did you get it? or didn't you?
me: do you know, i'm sure brother #1 has bought those before.
brother #2: make sure you take a picture of the name and the whole box.
we found it funny. it depends on if you get it or not. but why would someone go to the trouble of producing dead posh chocolate desserts, only to call them gu?
did you get it? or didn't you?
i know what you're thinking. you're thinking 'i haven't heard from the noisy office people for a while.' here's what their leader had to say this morning:
'it's nice that sanity has started to prevail, isn't it?'
ok. maybe not.
'it's nice that sanity has started to prevail, isn't it?'
ok. maybe not.
niece #3 brought home a picture she'd done at nursery today, she was so tired though she was convinced she was at the nur-she-ry yesterday. it wasn't a drawing really, it was a giant photocopy of the number 5, with little stickers and stuff all over it. in the bottom left corner, niece #1 had written in pencil: 'a good effrt. well dunn.'
stupid is staying up late even though you have to get up at 4am. ta-ra.
stupid is staying up late even though you have to get up at 4am. ta-ra.