er...what?
me: he’s such a wazzock. what's a wazzock?
S: ???????????????????????????????????????????
me: look:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wazzock
S: Ahh yer g'ert wazzock
me: you're the wazzock!
S: urban dictionary, is that what you use to try and keep up with the youth of today!
me: no, it's what i use to bring old fogies (such as the likes of you) up to date!
S: ha ha ha ha ha ha er not. i is with it init
me: now who's the wazzock?
me: he’s such a wazzock. what's a wazzock?
S: ???????????????????????????????????????????
me: look:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wazzock
S: Ahh yer g'ert wazzock
me: you're the wazzock!
S: urban dictionary, is that what you use to try and keep up with the youth of today!
me: no, it's what i use to bring old fogies (such as the likes of you) up to date!
S: ha ha ha ha ha ha er not. i is with it init
me: now who's the wazzock?
you know your cold is not yet finished with you when...
instead of seeing the words 'Test of Immunity' you see 'Test of Humanity.'
(i know.)
instead of seeing the words 'Test of Immunity' you see 'Test of Humanity.'
(i know.)
i think i caught whatever bug it is that is making brother #2 and sister #5 reach for the lucozade (how does that work?), plus i got a lotta work to do. so i'd better not do any blogging, because you know, it'll only look like this:
office people are currently going crazy for a nice cup of tea and a sit down. well, would you blame 'em?
the office people (not to be confused with the noisy office people) are talking decorating houses:
#1: football shirts on the wall?!
#2: now, it's not what you think...
#1: football shirts on the wall?!
#2: now, it's not what you think...
blink
I Found Some of Your Life: That's it. Let me be very clear that I never intended to hurt or embarrass anyone. While I understand that this is a somewhat naive position to maintain, you must understand that the scope of this project grew far beyond my expectations in a very short period of time.
That having been said, I would like to formally apologize to all of those who were unknowingly involved.
still. it was a good idea at the time. i think.
I Found Some of Your Life: That's it. Let me be very clear that I never intended to hurt or embarrass anyone. While I understand that this is a somewhat naive position to maintain, you must understand that the scope of this project grew far beyond my expectations in a very short period of time.
That having been said, I would like to formally apologize to all of those who were unknowingly involved.
still. it was a good idea at the time. i think.
hid brother #4's bike out in the garden this morning, after i spotted it in the driveway as i was leaving for work. he's such an idiot. i found a note by the front door from him asking me to wake him up at 7. just in case he really panicked i added 'er, where's the bike???' at the bottom. that's the first hint. the second hint was i left the door to the garden open. so he's got to have found it, right? sometimes he's just too stupid for practical jokes.
sister #5 is texting me because she's not been around for a couple of days.
me: ta-ra.
sister #5: c ya tomorrow chuck!
me: ta-ra.
sister #5: c ya tomorrow chuck!
a long time ago...
J: http://www-personal.umich.edu/~msittig/bento/
me: what is that?
J: Sushi!
funny face sushi. at the time i think i was too busy to have a proper look. scroll right down to the bottom of the page for some powerpuff girls sushi. mad.
J: http://www-personal.umich.edu/~msittig/bento/
me: what is that?
J: Sushi!
funny face sushi. at the time i think i was too busy to have a proper look. scroll right down to the bottom of the page for some powerpuff girls sushi. mad.
darren and girlfriend were in the supermarket today, declaring their love for each other to anyone who would listen. darren had his arm round the girlfriend, only it looks more like he's got her in a headlock than anything else.
him: i had me a bit o' trouble wiv work. but i'm fine now. i'm fit as a fiddle.
her: mumble mumble mumble!
i hate to think what happens the next time K sees them.
him: i had me a bit o' trouble wiv work. but i'm fine now. i'm fit as a fiddle.
her: mumble mumble mumble!
i hate to think what happens the next time K sees them.
I Found Some Of Your Life: 'You are unknown to me. Your camera's memory card was in a taxi; I have it now. I am going to post one of your pictures each day. I will also narrate as if I were you. Maybe you will come here and reclaim this piece of your life.'
this is a bit scary. imagine i lost my camera phone somewhere with all those pictures of the nieces and nephews and friends and those pictures where i've caught sister #5 all unaware at work while she's dressed up in tons of claire's stuff. but then, it's a clever idea, isn't it? you can't help looking. this link has actually reminded me to go print some pictures off in boots. ta-ra. (i need to stop saying that. it's sister #5's fault. she keeps saying it to annoy me every time she leaves the house, so i seem to think the only way to counteract is by saying 'ta-ra' back. it isn't working.)
this is a bit scary. imagine i lost my camera phone somewhere with all those pictures of the nieces and nephews and friends and those pictures where i've caught sister #5 all unaware at work while she's dressed up in tons of claire's stuff. but then, it's a clever idea, isn't it? you can't help looking. this link has actually reminded me to go print some pictures off in boots. ta-ra. (i need to stop saying that. it's sister #5's fault. she keeps saying it to annoy me every time she leaves the house, so i seem to think the only way to counteract is by saying 'ta-ra' back. it isn't working.)
Flower power turns up the volume: 'Gerberas and sunflowers work especially well as speakers.'
[from J. blogging by proxy, innit.]
[from J. blogging by proxy, innit.]
Mystery 'hero' hands out kindness: A self-styled superhero has been walking the streets of Brighton carrying out random acts of kindness. Ivan Man, who refuses to reveal his true identity, carries out his mission wearing a mask and a cape.
personally, i think he's apologising for have such a bad haircut.
also: "It was unfortunate that his teeth hit my carotid artery."
er, yeah, sure. i'd better work. or something.
personally, i think he's apologising for have such a bad haircut.
also: "It was unfortunate that his teeth hit my carotid artery."
er, yeah, sure. i'd better work. or something.
another of yesterdays happenings. was lying on the sofa so nephew #4 couldn't slouch off and hit the floor head first and watching TV with sister #4. sister #5 walks in blocking the view to the TV to get our attention (works every time).
sister #5: i would just like to announce that bushra does not keep a single promise she makes.
me: ah, thanks! that's so sweet!
sister #4: lemme watch my TV you fat moose.
sister #5: we were in h & m and i'm about to buy myself a nice zip up jacket when she says 'oh don't buy that, you can have my hooch jacket!' and then when i ask her for it she says no! are you going to let me have the hooch jacket or not?
me: no.
sister #5: you're such a cow. let me have the jacket.
me: no. no no no no no.
sister #5: you're an evil cow, you're a witch, a bitch, blah blah blah. please let me have the jacket?
me: nope. (to sister #4:) what's on the other channels?
sister #5: please lemme have the jacket, pleeeeeeeease? i'll kiss your feet?
me: are you still here?
sister #5: i would just like to announce that bushra does not keep a single promise she makes.
me: ah, thanks! that's so sweet!
sister #4: lemme watch my TV you fat moose.
sister #5: we were in h & m and i'm about to buy myself a nice zip up jacket when she says 'oh don't buy that, you can have my hooch jacket!' and then when i ask her for it she says no! are you going to let me have the hooch jacket or not?
me: no.
sister #5: you're such a cow. let me have the jacket.
me: no. no no no no no.
sister #5: you're an evil cow, you're a witch, a bitch, blah blah blah. please let me have the jacket?
me: nope. (to sister #4:) what's on the other channels?
sister #5: please lemme have the jacket, pleeeeeeeease? i'll kiss your feet?
me: are you still here?
after watching nephew #4 for her while she ate, sister in law #2 came into the living room and took him off my hands. my turn to have dinner. brother #1 was there. all this food laid out before him by sister in law #1 but he was too busy checking his blood sugar level (i know). so by the time he gets started on his dinner i'm almost done. he takes a chicken leg, and when he's done with it he chucks the bone on my plate:
me: oi! what d'you that for! take it back!
brother #1: wha-a-at? just leave it, you're almost finished anyway!
me: what am i in this house, a second rate sibling?!
brother #1: you rate yourself that highly?
me: oi! what d'you that for! take it back!
brother #1: wha-a-at? just leave it, you're almost finished anyway!
me: what am i in this house, a second rate sibling?!
brother #1: you rate yourself that highly?
more pictures from the garden. was locking up the doors yesterday evening when i saw these:
when the nephews were here the apples weren't so sweet. but they didn't know that so they'd pick them up, take a bite, spit it out and then throw the apple away. sister #2 stopped telling them off after a while. this little flower was all on its own at the bottom of the garden where the swings are:
just as we were closing the doors niece #1 saw these clouds, and wanted me to sit her on my shoulders as she took this picture:
and today my neck hurts.
when the nephews were here the apples weren't so sweet. but they didn't know that so they'd pick them up, take a bite, spit it out and then throw the apple away. sister #2 stopped telling them off after a while. this little flower was all on its own at the bottom of the garden where the swings are:
just as we were closing the doors niece #1 saw these clouds, and wanted me to sit her on my shoulders as she took this picture:
and today my neck hurts.
so brother #2 was in the kitchen with his son, aka nephew #4. as you know, nephew #4 has just returned from bradford. the thing is he came with a new haircut. which reminded me of pob:
at first i was a bit too chicken to tell brother #2 that. but this house kind of thrives on confrontations innit:
me: now don't take this the wrong way. but that new haircut of his makes him look like pob, doesn't it?
brother #2: and his spit. don't forget all that spit.
at first i was a bit too chicken to tell brother #2 that. but this house kind of thrives on confrontations innit:
me: now don't take this the wrong way. but that new haircut of his makes him look like pob, doesn't it?
brother #2: and his spit. don't forget all that spit.
The Gmail Team is proud to announce that we are offering Gmail free invitation packages to the existing Gmail account holders. By now you probably know the key ways in which Gmail differs from traditional webmail services. Searching instead of filing. A free gigabyte of storage. Messages displayed in context as conversations.
Just fill in the form below to claim your Gmail invitation package.
er, yeah right.
Just fill in the form below to claim your Gmail invitation package.
er, yeah right.
my friend smoked around fifteen cigarettes in my face yesterday over the course of a few hours. so today i feel very very crappy.
i lost one of the earbud thingies for my earphones today. so i couldn't listen to my walkman on the way home. now, there's already a case for listening to your walkman on public transport on shauny's blog. but i have something to add. try and keep up (i couldn't). a few stops out of the city, this character got on the bus with his girlfriend. you'll like his girlfriend. most of her front teeth are missing. again, no walkman, so i had to listen to this:
him: are you all right sittin' there? do you want to sit by me? why not sit by me? are you all right there? say 'i'm all right darren.'
her: ...
him: say 'i'm all right darren.'
her: 'm alright dawwen.
him: so i was watching terminator 2 the other day. have you seen terminator two? say 'i haven't darren.'
her: haven't dawwen.
(by this time my head started to hurt so i moved to another seat. near the front. but still you could hear them. well him mostly.)
him: i tell you what. if i get my cd, then i'll have enough to buy you terminator one and two. what d'you fink? say 'that's fine darren.'
her: 's fine dawwen.
him: and if don't buy my cd, right, i'll buy you terminator one two and free. how's that? what d'you fink? say 'i love you darren.'
her: i wuv you dawwen.
him: you don't sound like you mean it.
her: i wuv you dawwen!
him: yeah well, don't feel like it.
her: (starts to wail) but i wuv you dawwen! i'm sowwy i'm cwying but i do wuv you daww-e-e-en!
two minutes later i was sitting there with my hands over my ears. honest. as the bus neared my stop i let out a long sigh. which made the woman sitting in front of me laugh out loud. so like, you know the people who play their walkman really really loud on the bus? join 'em.
him: are you all right sittin' there? do you want to sit by me? why not sit by me? are you all right there? say 'i'm all right darren.'
her: ...
him: say 'i'm all right darren.'
her: 'm alright dawwen.
him: so i was watching terminator 2 the other day. have you seen terminator two? say 'i haven't darren.'
her: haven't dawwen.
(by this time my head started to hurt so i moved to another seat. near the front. but still you could hear them. well him mostly.)
him: i tell you what. if i get my cd, then i'll have enough to buy you terminator one and two. what d'you fink? say 'that's fine darren.'
her: 's fine dawwen.
him: and if don't buy my cd, right, i'll buy you terminator one two and free. how's that? what d'you fink? say 'i love you darren.'
her: i wuv you dawwen.
him: you don't sound like you mean it.
her: i wuv you dawwen!
him: yeah well, don't feel like it.
her: (starts to wail) but i wuv you dawwen! i'm sowwy i'm cwying but i do wuv you daww-e-e-en!
two minutes later i was sitting there with my hands over my ears. honest. as the bus neared my stop i let out a long sigh. which made the woman sitting in front of me laugh out loud. so like, you know the people who play their walkman really really loud on the bus? join 'em.
so you know when you're ironing and all of a sudden you think hang on where's my phone and you start looking for it under the sofa because it was last seen on the sofa innit and then when you get back up your head hits the ironing board knocking it over so it drops the iron which then knocks over a jug of water around all that wiring? that. or what about when you tidy it all up and start ironing again even though you're very dizzy? that too.
ben on the 'earth from the air' exhibition.
(i took niece #2 to see some of the pictures last week, but yeah, she was more interested in trying to spot that car brum with his very own tv show). we talked about the selfridges building after:
her: look at that building with the dots. how many dots are there?
me: about fifteen thousand.
her: is that a lot?
also. another addition to those 'talking' pages that appeared out of nowhere (see sidebar): someone call security.
(i took niece #2 to see some of the pictures last week, but yeah, she was more interested in trying to spot that car brum with his very own tv show). we talked about the selfridges building after:
her: look at that building with the dots. how many dots are there?
me: about fifteen thousand.
her: is that a lot?
also. another addition to those 'talking' pages that appeared out of nowhere (see sidebar): someone call security.
yes. i'm getting visits from people obviously hitting the next blog button on the blogger navbar. i seem to be getting a lot of visitors from blogs that have all these zany scripts on 'em. i mean, check out the mouse trail on this. it was all my headache needed to come back from the dead and say 'hello! anybody home? no? ah, who cares, i'm staying until next week.' whoa. that's exactly what the relatives from bradford say when they visit.
three weeks ago, the super duper minidisc hi-fi died again. three weeks of nagging later brother #5 dropped it off at the repair shop. this time it wasn’t going to get repaired for free, i had to pay. office person S wasn’t impressed.
S: that’s no good. what kind of a product is that, faulty in its first year and faulty again. that’s no good. i think you should get them to pay for the repair.
me: well ok mister consumer rights.
so i phoned sony at lunchtime, and explained the situation, and they confirmed that yes i had to pay. 'i have to pay for the repair?' i repeated, so S knew what was happening. at this S started waving his hands all funny like he was trying to scoop water out of a sinking boat which roughly translates into 'start complaining! like i told you!'
but i’m rubbish. i have to send all the paperwork with a letter of complaint after the repairs are done and if i complain strongly enough they might pay me back. S wasn’t impressed:
S: you said sorry.
me: did i?
S: you're the customer. you're not meant to apologise.
me: well i'm sorry!
S: that’s no good. what kind of a product is that, faulty in its first year and faulty again. that’s no good. i think you should get them to pay for the repair.
me: well ok mister consumer rights.
so i phoned sony at lunchtime, and explained the situation, and they confirmed that yes i had to pay. 'i have to pay for the repair?' i repeated, so S knew what was happening. at this S started waving his hands all funny like he was trying to scoop water out of a sinking boat which roughly translates into 'start complaining! like i told you!'
but i’m rubbish. i have to send all the paperwork with a letter of complaint after the repairs are done and if i complain strongly enough they might pay me back. S wasn’t impressed:
S: you said sorry.
me: did i?
S: you're the customer. you're not meant to apologise.
me: well i'm sorry!
Noah's Ark plan from top Moon man: The European Space Agency's chief scientist has said that there should be a Noah's Ark on the Moon, in case the Earth is destroyed by an asteroid or nuclear holocaust...
...Dr Foing is head of Europe's Moon missions, so his thoughts on matters lunar should be taken seriously.
that told me, didn't it.
...Dr Foing is head of Europe's Moon missions, so his thoughts on matters lunar should be taken seriously.
that told me, didn't it.
yesterday evening: sitting in the living room with niece #4 on my lap. brother #2 is about to leave for home with his wife and son, who have arrived back from oop north. he comes to say goodbye to niece #4 who was watching them leave, and as he sat down on the small table in front of me, he asked me to pass niece #4 over to him. so i do. as soon as she’s sitting in his lap the table collapses. he gets up and hands niece #4, age 9 months, back to her mother and says ‘she must be drinking a lot of baby milk these days.’
brother #2: why aren't you at work?
me: i have a test today. something about writing reports and producing briefings.
i didn't tell him it was for another job. i saw a guy from job #1 there, but the funniest thing was seeing a david brent lookalike, and the most annoying person was the sniffy woman next to me, who won't be needing a pen because she has her pilot pen thankyouverymuch. i was the first to finish and run. is that a good thing, or a bad thing? while i was working on this report i started looking at the recent word files on the pc and someone had saved this:
Down away where the nights are gay
And the sun shines daily on the mountain top
I took a trip on a sailing ship
And when I reached Jamaica
And made a stop.
someone obviously wants to be anywhere but here, i lasted three weeks at a previous job in this place but that's another story.
sister #5: final answer: are you going to let me have your hooch jacket or not?
me: er, no.
sister #5: nah man, you broke your promise. well done. i hope you're happy.
me: i have a test today. something about writing reports and producing briefings.
i didn't tell him it was for another job. i saw a guy from job #1 there, but the funniest thing was seeing a david brent lookalike, and the most annoying person was the sniffy woman next to me, who won't be needing a pen because she has her pilot pen thankyouverymuch. i was the first to finish and run. is that a good thing, or a bad thing? while i was working on this report i started looking at the recent word files on the pc and someone had saved this:
Down away where the nights are gay
And the sun shines daily on the mountain top
I took a trip on a sailing ship
And when I reached Jamaica
And made a stop.
someone obviously wants to be anywhere but here, i lasted three weeks at a previous job in this place but that's another story.
sister #5: final answer: are you going to let me have your hooch jacket or not?
me: er, no.
sister #5: nah man, you broke your promise. well done. i hope you're happy.
when the mother saw that i wasn't at work at 11.30am today, she screamed. it happens when i don't tell her i have the day off.
niece #1 has this thing about clouds, especially when the sun is hiding behind them. 'look at that one!' she said yesterday:
showed the picture to brother #4 while he was watching american history x (he described the whole sidewalk sandwich thing to me ages ago so i don't think i'll watch it thanks) and he'd noticed it too while driving around with his mates.
showed the picture to brother #4 while he was watching american history x (he described the whole sidewalk sandwich thing to me ages ago so i don't think i'll watch it thanks) and he'd noticed it too while driving around with his mates.
i dunno, you use your last gmail invite and they give you five more! what is it about gmail invites that makes me want to get rid of them?
departing this evening: sister #1, sister #2, nephews #1,#2,#3 and niece #2. highlights of their stay include:
- nephew #2 dialling 999 and asking for the police three times;
- nephew #1 making the neighbour's daughter scream by pulling down his trousers and peeing by the fence because well she started it;
- sister #2 accusing the rest of the sisters of not caring for her kids (sister #1: 'we're not exactly going to broadcast how we just cleaned up their poo, are we?');
- niece #2 thought that very annoying little car called brum was real;
- the nephews have a new nickname: the koala brothers (niece #2 is mitzi, because they both wear glasses).
ow ow ow. kind of hit my face with a hot set of ghd hair straighteners this morning. so that's why i have that mark on my face, okay?
departing this evening: sister #1, sister #2, nephews #1,#2,#3 and niece #2. highlights of their stay include:
- nephew #2 dialling 999 and asking for the police three times;
- nephew #1 making the neighbour's daughter scream by pulling down his trousers and peeing by the fence because well she started it;
- sister #2 accusing the rest of the sisters of not caring for her kids (sister #1: 'we're not exactly going to broadcast how we just cleaned up their poo, are we?');
- niece #2 thought that very annoying little car called brum was real;
- the nephews have a new nickname: the koala brothers (niece #2 is mitzi, because they both wear glasses).
ow ow ow. kind of hit my face with a hot set of ghd hair straighteners this morning. so that's why i have that mark on my face, okay?
clearing out lots and lots of old work email (cos of this, apparently.)
anyway i found these from last week:
me: Only one left in the office. Except for a couple of office people singing 'Dry Your Eyes.'
J: DRY YER EYES MATE
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA
me: #1: that's well out of order
#2: well out of town
#1: yeah, proper sorry frown
anyway i found these from last week:
me: Only one left in the office. Except for a couple of office people singing 'Dry Your Eyes.'
J: DRY YER EYES MATE
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA
me: #1: that's well out of order
#2: well out of town
#1: yeah, proper sorry frown
another gmail invite has appeared in my account, so if anyone wants it...
because i leave work later these days i try and get in a bit later. plus i catch scrubs on channel four every morning these days as well. brother #4 was asleep in the living room this morning.
him: argh. how about you take the day off work today?
me: ha?
him: and go do my job for the day.
me: only if you take the day off at your work and do my job for today.
him: ...
me: didn't think so.
look:
i've met brother #4 & he is a nutter. Are you all a few sandwiches short of a picnic?
anyone?!
him: argh. how about you take the day off work today?
me: ha?
him: and go do my job for the day.
me: only if you take the day off at your work and do my job for today.
him: ...
me: didn't think so.
look:
i've met brother #4 & he is a nutter. Are you all a few sandwiches short of a picnic?
anyone?!
ow. ow ow ow ow ow.
achy arms and neck following four days of garden duty, clearing up hundreds of these here damsons:
the nephews also found this giant apple at the bottom of the garden:
garden duty also includes keeping all the kids in the garden out of the way, on the swings. i had this whole routine set up, five minutes on the swings each. nieces #1 and #2 on the big kid swing. all the nephews (and then niece #3 who got back on saturday) taking turns on the baby swing, with me pushing them the whole time. every time i got on the big kid swing next to nephew #2 he'd tell me to get off and push him. sometimes i'd just tell the nephews to push each other while i sat there staring at the sky:
i could complain. but this is way better than being stuck inside with the parents. or the sisters. or the brothers. trust me.
achy arms and neck following four days of garden duty, clearing up hundreds of these here damsons:
the nephews also found this giant apple at the bottom of the garden:
garden duty also includes keeping all the kids in the garden out of the way, on the swings. i had this whole routine set up, five minutes on the swings each. nieces #1 and #2 on the big kid swing. all the nephews (and then niece #3 who got back on saturday) taking turns on the baby swing, with me pushing them the whole time. every time i got on the big kid swing next to nephew #2 he'd tell me to get off and push him. sometimes i'd just tell the nephews to push each other while i sat there staring at the sky:
i could complain. but this is way better than being stuck inside with the parents. or the sisters. or the brothers. trust me.