fudge it

things nephew #2 did on his 3rd birthday:

1: blew out the candles on his birthday cake and said: 'my birthday's finished now.'

2: walked off with brother #5's car keys, and started the car. honest.

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blue witch on ants: Being very organic and a Friendly Witch to almost all reasonably behaved creatures, I rarely need to resort to chemicals. Indeed, I often ignore pests and let nature take its course. However, these were everywhere, really making a nuisance of themselves. And, there comes a time when enough is enough, and I had to spray them.

(i had to do the same, just don't tell the dad!)

at some point i'll put up all the teeny tiny pictures i took on the tour of the back-to-back houses. an old lady who had come to see the restored houses (she used to live there as a child) shared her not-so-happy memories with us, i might, i said i might tell you more about her. then again, i might not.

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i'm late!

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i think i'm addicted. to hot chocolate. because i've noticed i've run out. but wait. is this as bad as brother #1's addiction?

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i am going to be so busy today.

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this has appeared twice in my old email inbox now:

To initiate the process for resetting the password for your
bushraATgmail.com Google Account, visit the link below

http://www.google.com/accounts

Thank you for using Google. For questions or concerns regarding your
account, please send mail to accounts-support@google.com. This is a
post-only mailing. Replies to this message are not monitored or answered.

so, a message to the bushra trying to steal my gmail account: stop it.

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argh!

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this is a post to my blog from my phone. did it work?

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noisy office person on the phone:

'...you've gone totally bloody native haven't you?...you sod!'

#1: what time does this meeting finish?
me: eek! it says four thirty here!

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birmingham back to backs: also forgot that an office trip to see this was planned for later this week. [more here] 90% of motivation for going stems from the fact that there is going to be a sweet shop.

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i forgot to add that the biggest story about the wedding was how one of the kids, age 10, managed to drive his brothers car into a lexus. sister #2 had actually warned the dad to move his car, because she could tell by the way the boys were gathering around the cars that something was going to happen.

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welcome back. i have 40-something emails, 2 voice messages and some hay fever. it's funny, one of the noisy office people has power walked (i think he was running) back to a meeting room he just left, wailing 'no-o-o-o-o!' but too late, one of the people who control everything has just wiped his diagram off the whiteboard.

day long meeting today. i really should have kept a thorough diary of why this is the year where i have very bad luck.

email from the authority (have i told you about how he doesn't use full stops?):

'fyiifyouhavenotalreadyseenthem'

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i think i remember the house was silent yesterday. so quiet! i'm sure it was. sister #2 has landed with nephews #1, #2 and #3 (niece #2 arrived yesterday with brother #3. niece #1 has also returned because she was missing her dad.) anyway. you'll like the nephews, nephew #3 is rilly rilly cute, he's got this really mad hair (nephew #1 used to have crazy lookin hair as well, and we all used to call him 'the dude.') nephew #2 is holding brother #5 and the dad to ransom by seizing their car keys. nephew #1 is getting warmed up: he had some immunisations today, so the windows can wait for a day. and the boss of 'em all, niece #2, is repeating everything i say.

sister #2: did you have the day off?
me: yeah, but i've got to go to work tomorrow. not fair, i know.

oh god, surrounded. a little hand has grabbed my phone and someone is climbing onto my chair.

me: i think is something is going to pop in my head in a minute.
sister #2: you shouldn't sit in front of that pc so much.

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only me and sister #5 at home today, she didn't have to go into work. 90% of the time i have to tell her to shut up. it's usually on the third attempt when i'm screaming at her to shut up does she get the message. all she ever does is talk and talk and talk, it makes your head hurt. anyway, she paid me one pound to go to the supermarket and buy her a tub of cookies and cream flavour ice cream:

her: aaaaaah, my stomach hurts!
me: how much of that ice cream did you have?
her: half a tub.
me: half a tub? you moose!
her: i didn't know i'd feel ill. i've seen you eat almost an entire tub and you've been fine!
me: years. of. practice!

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think you're smart...

lately the only way to handle sisters #4 and #5 is as follows:

me: hey, stop leaving all that golf stuff in the posh living room (three sets of clubs, i tell you!). because, you know, i could dump it all in the garden if you want, i mean how am i supposed to know how valuable that stuff is?
brother #1: yeah yeah. stop extrapolating.
sister #5: yeah bushra. stop extrapolating.
me: go on, spell it.
sister #5: e-x-t-r-a-p-a-l-a-t-i-n-g.

as for sister #4:

sister #4: i like cleaning. it's therapeutic.
me: is it really? spell therapeutic.
sister #4: let's see, 'the' t-h-e, 'rep' r-e-p, 'peutic' p-e-u-t-i-c, t-h-e-r-e-p-e-u-t-i-c.
me: i'm sorry. that was so funny i'm going to have to leave the kitchen.
sister #4: is there an 'a' in there somewhere?

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there's a two day wedding up in bradford this weekend, so it's the only thing being talked about at home. everyone is going. sister #4 has decided she's going to stay for both days, which means brother #3, who offered to drive her there in this will be staying up there too. brother #5 might be leaving today and stay at sister #2's place. i think the parents are going to drag brother #4 by the collar to the wedding and then watch as he attacks the hundreds of bottles of coke. sister #5 isn't going, she was called to do a six hour shift yesterday with the promise of the weekend off but no, she's working. i'm going to stay at home and guard the house against ants. much easier to keep track of them, i tell yer.

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Tiny Mix Tapes: 'This year's list is pretty strong, except for say, the inclusion of Keane and Joss Stone. Does anyone else see through this Joss Stone character? Did anyone else want to destroy their TV when they heard her cover of "Fell in Love with a Boy?" MOR people. MOR.'

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talking work with an office person. she reminds me we have one of our day long meeting things tomorrow:

me: ugh!
her: ha! come on, show more enthusiasm! maybe you need some sort of stimulation like that 'current baba!'
me: ha! yeah where's the nearest live wire!

zzzzzz

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brother #4 thought he was all cool recording xiao xiao #1 on his video phone from his friend's pc ('there's this software you can get right, it's called Kazaa Lite, that's k.a.z.a.a. l.i.t.e, you should get it on your pc you know'). anyway he was showing it off thinking it was new, but no, this has been around for ages. #3 is still my favourite though.

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following an email announcement from one of the office people, everyone starts talking about how there are now four people who are getting married in our teeny tiny department.

#1: you could have one big wedding for all four of you!
#2:: that's just so you can give one present instead of four, isn't it, you cheapskate.
#3: that's really is weird, isn't it? four of us getting married!
#4: i know! i wonder who'll be next...

they all fall silent and look at my desk.

me: sorry what was that? only i seem to have lost my hearing...

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argh!

it's one thing calling me, but if you're going to call me and then either a] stay silent for ten seconds and then hang up or b] hang up straight away, then you'd better not say hello to me in the street. why is it only i get the weird phone calls?

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the office neighbour has a visitor:

'i just came to see her now...i had to cut her off on the phone the other day...the thing is someone had just told me about the tibetan monks so i just ran...'

i normally put my walkman on by now, but the battery is low.

anyone know the name of the flower in the moblog preview? two appeared in our porch saturday morning.

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someone is setting off fireworks every 30 minutes, probably to make them last a-g-e-s:

me: what is so special about today for someone to be setting off fireworks?!
sister 5: duh, because it's guy fawkes night!
me: that isn't until the fifth of november and i'm not even going to add an insult to that because by now you should have some idea of how stupid you are!
sister #5: no! fifth of november is halloween, so there!
me: forget it! forget it!

i know. i have a garage to tidy. i will get it done by the end of tonight. i know i will.

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all right all right. now who can see this blog, and who can't? let me know using the comment box. but if you can't see the blog, then you can't see the link to the comment box, so i don't think i thought this through properly.

i have a garage to tidy.

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today is be evil to sister #5 day. well tonight anyway!

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a-ha! the post editor toolbar is working at home. argh, why do blogger have to keep changing things? (yes, i know i changed the tiles, but that's just the appearance, innit.)

ooh, look at the time. this is not me. up late cos i'm fixing this pc, you know when you can leave it for a while as it fixes things? well in between, i watched lots of tv (can't remember what) and looked after niece #4 for about an hour. she's not feeling well. even managed to get her to sleep. anyway, what was i going to say? oh yeah, this happened about 25 minutes ago:

the mother: right, i'm going to go tidy the garage.
me: what, now? don't be silly!
the mother: so you'll do it tomorrow, then?
me: you did that on purpose.

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le weekend: sister-in-law #1 and the nieces (plus nephew #4 and sister-in-law #2) are off to bradford for the summer(!), she's a bit worried after watching the secret agent though. anyway, next week there will be this gap where the house will not be occupied by any nieces and nephews at all.

me: i booked a couple of days off next week, just to, you know, chill out...
sister #2: but we don't arrive until the week after?!
me: i know.

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S: tv on its own doesn't make you fat! it's sitting in front of the tv, with a snickers bar and piles of junk food, or sitting in front of the tv all day doing fook all that makes you fat! you don't need to ban tv though! i'm sorry, but this is an issue that i take very seriously!
me: i'm going to blog that.

later, watching sky news.

S: you know who that is, don't you?
me: that's john reid.
S: right, that's doctor john reid, health secretary. d'you know how he got the doctor bit? do you, eh? from a phd in 'why does it rain when it's cloudy' or something.
me: on a bit of a soapbox today aren't you? only you're starting to sound like mister magoo.

(this new blogger post editor doesn't work on my pc, and it won't revert to the previous editor either! it's all manual html, and target="_blank" isn't accepted so these links won't open in new windows. nice work!)

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teeny tiny survey:

'Have a break, have a KitKat.'

or:

'Gimme a break! Gimme a break! Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar!'

(i'm still not going to eat the one in my desk. i mean, would you?!)

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still in the cupboard of my desk: one bar of kitkat.

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the line manager after a day long meeting:

'...it's the child in me, it just doesn't want to grow up...'

have you heard his joke about one team member who usually brings some apple juice with her to these meetings? he likes to call it a 'sample.'

i'm going home.

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ugh...

is it just my pc or does this blog take ages to load?

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this is going to be a busy week.

these earphones died. again.

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sometimes the dad will work all day long, and let his blood sugar level drop way below sea level. he gets all frenzied, i-need-sugar-i-want-something-sweet-now! the last time it happened i told him off for letting it get too low, because he gets to the point where it's like he'll rip your head off if you get in his way. but i also learned you shouldn't argue with a person who is ready to rip your head off. i tried to play good today, really i did:

the dad: there's another one of these caramels in the cupboard, get me it now.
me: where? where? i can't see it. oh no. (i hold up the wrapper, whoever ate it and left the wrapper, you should be ashamed) it's gone!
sister #4: wait! i bought butterfly cakes today!
the dad: gimme!
sister #4: there's always nephew #1's birthday cake...
the dad: (to me) i'll have some of that too.
me: what? noooooooo, you can't have that yet. you've gotta have that after all the birthday dinner they made!
the dad: (looks at me.)
me: but, but, oh ok. (i spent the next half hour just laughing quietly in disbelief)
the dad: gimme some pepsi too.
me: we only have sprite - look why don't i just get you a packet of sugar?
the dad: i'm warning you...

at least i made the mother laugh again.

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i got gmail:

Wonder if you can help. Sure you can cos you're such a wizz...

you know it.

also: i didn't know others are having trouble posting stuff as well as all the issues with blogs loading (though that seems to be fixed now, i think), my account seems to be working ok so far? status.blogger.com: 'The purpose of this site is to keep Blogger users informed of what's up with Blogger servers, development, upgrades, outages, etc.'

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i hate office noise. i don't like quiet either, but i really can't stand office noise.

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9.05am. talking about life of pi with two office neighbours. i tell them i think i'm going to have to read it again just to make sure. (make sure of what? i'm not sure.)

yesterday evening:

the mother: when you've finished eating, don't forget the house needs vacuuming.
me: mother! every night i can never go to sleep until i have vacuumed the house, because i know you'll haunt me in my sleep if i don't!

also: the nokia 6230 is crap. really it is.

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when people start posting their star chart it's only a matter of time before you want one of your own.

me: that's it! i want a star chart!
brian: Looking forward to the results!

here's some of the best bits:

The key word for your professional orientation is responsibility. Usually this is a good indication of long life ended by natural causes.

You dream of achieving a prominent position in public life related to education, politics, or lecturing. You know that you are a very clever person.

At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Capricorn was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler Saturn is located in the eighth house...Regarding esoteric matters, this position indicates a profound interest in occult subjects.

You are polished and refined, sometimes to the point that others may be suspicious of your motives.

get your birth/star chart from 'ere [link from brian via sonia of course.]

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three times the dad told me to lock all the doors and check all the windows (because of the 'November weather'). three times. i think on the first two occasions i must have imagined telling him 'i already have' because i kind of got annoyed by it the third time.

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uh, how weird is this?

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part 2 of yesterday's junk email.

You answer the door before people knock.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.

if it manages to get through all the junk mail filters i've set up, it deserves a mention, right? what i want to know is, which wire do i cut?!

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you know what? not being able to load blogs on blogspot until i've hit refresh at least three times isn't funny anymore (trying www in the address sometimes works).

sitting in the top drawer of my desk: a packet of doritos (the first one got stuck in the vending machine so i had to buy another) and that bar of kitkat someone left on my desk. add to this my usual pack of chewing gum and yesterday's addition, the little jar of jelly belly jelly beans. so when an office person asks for a key usually kept in the top drawer of your desk and you go to check the drawer for it and the first thing you see is 'whoa! lots an' lots of junk food!' it doesn't look good, does it?

update: to the I/O - what have you been up to?

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more mad junk email:

After a number of injections my jaw got number.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.

do you want to know the rest, do you?

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spizzazzz.com: now with ubervamps, innit.

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well ok.

Stress can be good for your body: Getting stressed now and again may be good for your health, research suggests. A short burst of stress, such as that caused by sitting an exam, may strengthen your body's immune system.

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ok ok ok ok ok. who left a bar of kitkat on my desk?

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Painkiller safety is investigated:The government's medicines advisors are investigating the risks associated with the common painkiller co-proxamol.

i used to take these, but then i stopped because i found they made me really really drowsy. and i would talk rubbish. so much rubbish.

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ok ok ok. how's this for junk e-mail?

But how does the man in the chest regard the process? The acceleration of the chest will be transmitted to him by the reaction of the floor of the chest. He must therefore take up this pressure by means of his legs if he does not wish to be laid out full length on the floor. He is then standing in the chest in exactly the same way as anyone stands in a room of a house on our earth. If he release a body which he previously had in his hand, the acceleration of the chest will no longer be transmitted to this body, and for this reason the body will approach the floor of the chest with an accelerated relative motion. The observer will further convince himself that the acceleration of the body towards the floor of the chest is always of the same magnitude, whatever kind of body he may happen to use for the experiment.

anybody?

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niece #1, halfway through shrek 2: 'i'm not laughing, this isn't funny. i'm not laughing.'

niece #1's final review of shrek 2: 'that wasn't funny, i didn't laugh.'

i got a present from brother #1.

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when i got home today brother #2 was trying to show me something he'd bought. i didn't really take much notice, lately it's been golf clubs and stuff. later when he told me to come to the garage and see what he'd bought, i asked sister-in-law #2 what it was and she just laughed and said i had to find out for myself.

the garage was smelling funny. he's only bought boxes and boxes of okra and green chillies stacked 4 ft high, innit. only in this house.

me: what are you going to do with all this?
brother #2: sell 'em.

remember the guava juice? the mother managed to throw it all out. somehow. don't ask me how, i don't know.

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i forgot my watch this morning. mainly because this one is giving me nightmares.

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uh oh: Sony plans Walkman to rival iPod.

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i couldn't tell you what the noisy office people were talking about today, because i have had my walkman on all day long. since i left the house at 7.15am. uh, i think my ears are going to pop.

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wednesday, 21:14pm. i'm doing the washing up.

brother #4: that was some fall off my bike today...
me: oh yeah, what happened?
brother #4: so i was bombing it down the street on my bike, just bombing it...
me: bombing it?
brother #4: you know...going really fast...
me: oh ok...
brother #4: and i'm like a few feet behind this mercedes, and we approach the roundabout, he slowed down, i slowed down. and instead of taking my turn, i don't know why, but i started to follow the merc!
me: ha?
brother #4: and i thought huh? and then right at the last second i noticed the kerb and before you know it i'm flying over the bike, going bang bang bang, and you know, i could see the ground just whizzing underneath me, and i was falling really really fast. it hurts here (hand), here (leg) and here (foot; not the the one i broke either.)

no comment.

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