fudge it

me: pick up your telephone, pick up your telephone, pick-up-pick-up-pick-up-pick-up-pick up your telephoooone!
sister #5: no! pick up the phone, pick up the phone, pick it up!

stupid tv adverts.

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friday evening. niece #4 is in my lap watching tv. i have a screaming match with brother #1, and then i sit quietly and think for half a minute. as soon as i looked up sister #5 said: 'count to ten.'

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noisy office person who office neighbour thinks has 'a dirty laugh':

'i mean, what's the difference between tracey emin's bed and mine?'

discuss.

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Sent: Fri 28/05/2004 10:21

K at work refers to his desk island as a pod. the following conversation has just happened, and ALL of it is true.

K: i always thought it was restricted to this pod, but if bushra's desk is shaking* too then it's their pod as well.
me: pod?! eh?
K: over here we call our four desks a pod. we're pod 1.
me: a pod. oh ok. hang on, why do you get to be pod 1?
K: because we came up with the name first!
me: that's fair enough.

office neighbour #2, aka B, joins in. this is where it gets a bit, er, i dunno:

B: i suppose the authority would actually be pod 1, wouldn't he?
K: yes, i suppose he would.
B: as he's on his own he'd be kind of like a unipod!
K: that's right!
B: and then K's pod would be a quadropod, and our pod (that's me, B and office neighbour #1), well we'd be a tripod!

*shaking desks. don't ask. every now and then the desks around our department will start to shake. not 'earthquake' shaking but er, 'earthquake in training' shaking. there is a theory that air conditioning units under our floor are to blame. but the thing is people on the second and third floors have reported this whole tremor business as well. office neighbour #1 was told 'suspended flooring' was to blame. i mean, wha?

i hate posting long blog posts.

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noisy office person sitting way at the other end of the office:

'you just keep me ha-a-a-anging on...'

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J: Hell made me feel a bit sentimental.
me: I'm not going to ask.

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did you see that? the blog is 555 days old today.

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sister #4-isms, part 3/4/5/delete as appropriate.

sister #4: nephew #4 was wearing this t-shirt yesterday, his dad's friend got it for him, it has a skull and bone cross on it. he looked like a proper troublemaker in it.

2 minutes later.

me: so do you want me to tell you what you got mixed up?
sister #4: eh?
me: about nephew #4's t-shirt, it had a skull and crossbones on it, you fool. (sister #4 hits my arm.) ow!

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J: Bushra, tell me you've seen the photograph in today's Metro which shows David Beckham in a t-shirt, shorts and SOCKS AND FLIP-FLOPS.
me: Yep yep yep. Though I've gotta admit, I didn't bother checking his feet.
J: What in the name of all that's reasonable was he thinking of?
So if you saw the picture of Becks in the Metro I presume you also saw the advertisement later on for the UK Independence Party, featuring former television presenter Robert Kilroy Silk. You've got to laugh, haven't you.
me: Yeah I saw that too. I would have laughed, but I couldn't really get into the paper this morning. Shit. I forgot to check my horoscope.

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auspicious fish review: The Streets - A Grand Don't Come For Free.

in the same way that i can't bring myself to watch those clips of really bad pop idol rejects - i have to leave the room, honest - i can't look at those amazon reviews.

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this magazine cover is causing people passing office neighbours desk to stop and say 'wha-a-t?' (you'll have to zoom in or something if you can't make out the text.)

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Documents not found

http://www.fudgeit.org/cgi-bin/formmail.pl
http://www.fudgeit.org/cgi-bin/formmail.cgi
http://www.fudgeit.org/cgi-sys/formmail.pl
http://www.fudgeit.org/cgi-bin/mail.pl
http://www.fudgeit.org/cgi-sys/formmail.cgi

looking for this?

now. i got stuff to do.

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wristfashion: a weblog about watches. this is my watch. nice, innit? (no i can't translate that page.)

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bad hair day? blame it on frizzled genes...

i tidied my desk. my desk is like, SO clean.

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so, you know when you've planned some time off work (i.e. a measly week), and you spend the last day at work before (i.e. this friday in my case) sorting everything out? i started all that yesterday.

the hidden track on this was ok.

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office neighbour: you have a crazy family.
me: that's an understatement.

stupid stupid spyware messing up my pc. parasite even.

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when it gets oh-so-quiet at the office on a friday afternoon...

me: the office vending machine dispenses knorr vegetable soup. dare me to try it?
J: I double-dare yer. Heh-heh.

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oh goody, my eyecare voucher has arrived. now i have to book an eye test. here's a riddle. i'm also due to have a contact lens check. for the eye test i have to come in wearing glasses, and for the contact lens check i have to wear my contacts. how can i have a contact lens check and an eye test in the same visit? i'm not keen on taking my contacts out at the opticians, either.

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nephew #4 bawled his eyes out in the kitchen yesterday evening as brother #1 cut off all his hair. in a show of solidarity, ok he was just copying, brother #4 cut his hair off too.

me: not you too!
him: don't tell me you were going to cut yours off as well?!

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hands up if your sister is texting you at work for crossword answers, even though she's supposed to be revising at uni?

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gmailswap: 'gmailswap tells the people with Gmail about the people without. Everyone's talking about Gmail, but it's still only a handful of lucky ducks who have snagged an account. And while the rest of us go hungry, you can be sure that the best email addresses are being gulped down by nefarious hooligans.'

eh? so they're asking you to give up your gmail invite to someone who really really wants one, because, like, it's not like you deserved a gmail account yourself in the first place? (my invites have gone, but if i'd known about the offer of a fog gun...)

oh, and the terabyte has gone.

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text message from sister #4:

'Gues wat im reading ur blog, and i burst out laughng, im in the lib nd every1s dead quite and trn twards me and thnk FREAK! So embarasing! Wat tym u finish wrk?'

i tried babelfish, but it didn't work.

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my 1000000 MB is still there. [link from brian.]

(also: Happy Birthday K.)

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Desperate patients become DIY dentists: Valerie has chronic gum disease and the pain has led her to pull out a tooth every 12 months - one for each of the five years she has been searching for an NHS dentist.

It's a good job she likes mashed potatoes and milk puddings.

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ha?

'you are currently using 2 MB (0%) of your 1000000 MB'

no really, that's what my gmail is telling me.

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i have to go home. sister #5 has gone off to work again. thing is, she shouldn't be because she's on study leave, and we have a deal where she helps around the house during the week, and i do everything else on weekends. but no. she's working at claires, where the ultimate compliment is being called 'a sta-a-ar' by some brummie chick with pink feathers in her hair. so i'm off home to tidy up. am i angry? duh. but you know what sorts that out right? i'm thinking maybe i'll go visit sister #5 at work on the way home. yes, a very good idea.

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make a mr. man/little miss. i'm gonna show this to the nieces.

[link via londonmark.]

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brother #4 was up and ready for work before 7am today. i was heading downstairs when he stopped me.

brother #4: two things. one. you look very half-asleep. two. please please please can i borrow that book?
me: uh, the thing is, if you want something from me, it would be an idea to start off with a compliment first.
brother #4: i mean you look nice today, i mean you look ok!
me: too late.

half an hour later i was in the city centre with sister #4, and we saw him with his feet up at a bus stop reading a paper. i remember sending a text message on the bus home once, when out of nowhere a hand reached out and grabbed my phone, making me jump. yes, it was brother #4. so on this occasion i went up to him and punched his newspaper. this is what happens when we're let out every morning.

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brother #4 sent me a text message on friday:

'why be difficult when with a bit of extra effort you can be bloody impossible?!'

i hate it when people expect too much from me.

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'Celebrities used as gum targets.'

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another yesterday story. brother #2 and sister #4 were trying to convince the mother we really need to get some lawn feed, because it was looking you know, not-so-green.

the mother: do we really need to buy lawn feed to cover the patches?
sister #4: do you really need to buy hair colour to cover your grey hair?

you can't blame me for that, i wasn't even in the room when that happened.

(other news: after today's morning walk to the canal, with phone, i got pictures of ducklings and a canal boat. the nieces will be pleased.)

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in sister #5's room, her best friend aka the girl next door is sitting around. they're catching up, sister #5 is telling her about how they play cheesy pop at work to 'drive the goths out.' anyway, during a vain attempt to keep up with sister #5, the friend hits me with the following question:

'bushra, what does waah g'wan mean? sister #5 keeps saying it and i don't know what it means. waah g'wan. waah g'wan. waah g'wan. waah g'wan.'

i ate way too much ice cream today.

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people seem to be leaving work early today. i need to find something to do.

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on the way to work this morning i saw a man walking into an office block. he had a vacuum cleaner strapped on his back like a rucksack and he was holding the vacuum pipe and wiring in his hand. and i thought: he looks like a ghostbuster.

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don't ask. but you gotta admit, the blog was a mess, wasn't it?

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today's story. brother #2 is in the living room with his son, nephew #4. niece #1 is on the stairs with niece #3 and sister-in-law#2. the nieces are colouring.

niece #1: where's nephew #4?
me: oh my god, you've left him in the supermarket again!
sister-in-law #2: not again! what shall we do?
me: wait, i'll get my coat and run and get him. you'd better call the police.
niece #1: did you really leave him in the supermarket? ha ha, you're in trouble!
me: ha ha, she is, isn't she? wait. you'd better go tell brother #2.

niece #1 heads for the living room. five seconds later we hear a shout and she comes running back out. sister-in-law #2 and i are laughing because we think we're very funny.

niece #1: (shaking her head) mad girls.

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i like this picture.

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i suppose i should take some painkillers for this headache. i mean it's not just any headache, but a 'did someone hit the back of my head with a cricket bat when i wasn't looking?' headache.

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has anyone one found the 'click here to use the old version of Blogger' button yet?

Morning coffee 'not best boost:' Harvard University researchers say the morning cuppa boosts caffeine levels, but these fall away during the day. They say frequent low doses of caffeine would give people such as shift workers who need to stay awake more of boost. Writing in the journal Sleep, they say caffeine works by interfering with one of the systems which governs sleep.'

hmm i don't drink coffee anyway. wait a minute, there's a journal called Sleep?!

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if this blog is a mess, i know, ok?

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hands up if you just had a phone call to your desk, letting you know that 'your knives have arrived.'

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bushra + great blogger redesign =

Post-Pages? ummm nothankyou. it's just a meaningless hyperlink (although some might say this blog is a meaningless hyperlink).

Blogger Comments? another 'no thanks.' although i did try them out, and they are good, but i think i'm happy with the way things are. for now. (two things: i know now how to set them up, and how to customise them for my blog (you could try the blogger way instead), so you can't say i didn't try.)

and finally: rounded corners? no no no! just kidding. everything looks much nicer. i like the new templates, they make my current layout look a bit like the old version of blogger, so i might think up something new. wait a second. i should be working, shouldn't i?

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so, last week, J was discussing guitar processors.

anyone figured out how to set up the comments blogger offers as part of the great blogger relaunch?

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yesterday morning i was arguing with sister #5 at a bus stop, really very loud, just squabbling over really small things for the hell of it, because we were killing some time. and then this asian man walks by, gawping at us, the kind of pakistani who's still waiting for his mother to find him a bride, and sister #5 and i just looked at him, and we yelled at the same time:

'what the f*ck are YOU looking at?!'

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J keeps Quotes of the Week:

me: Thank God I'm a Muslim.
J: With only hours to spare, you give me Quote of the Week.
me: ithankyouverymuch.

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the noisy office people are so happy it's friday.

anonymous noisy office person: 'i'm becoming quite masochistic actually, i'm starting to enjoy it. i'm saying 'gimme some more!'

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00:53am. my phone rings with the very apt Sleepyhead ringtone. i didn't answer. so it rings again. i snap it open, say 'f*ck off' and hang up. that's bad, isn't it? i'd switch the phone off but then the alarm won't go off. i wish i had a nokia again. like this one. anyway. i'm going back to sleep.

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somebody sign the guestbook to make the last message on there look not-so-bad. or not-so-scary, even.

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Speed-texter beats world record: 'James Trusler, 30, from Shoreham, East Sussex, beat his previous world text messaging record by nearly a minute on Australian TV to claim the prize. He had to type: "The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human." '

compared to this guy, my text messaging habits are pretty harmless i think.

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on the day i decide to go for a walk to the canal, and on the day where i choose not to take my phone along with me, i miss the following photo opportunities:

- a picture of a canal boat covered in flowers, it was called the 'Champion Challenger'
- ducklings!
- baby canadian geese! yes! goslings! ha!

thing is, telling niece #1 about all this, and not showing photographic evidence, well, it's not going to look good, is it?

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no frontin', just music: 'I know what you're thinking: "bootlegs are played out." Well, you may be right, but this is one you won't want to miss. If you're an internet addict you may have already heard this as it was all over the net a couple months ago. It comes from an album called Yoshimi Battles the Hip Hop Robots which is essentially the music from The Flaming Lips' album Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots with some great verses from several rap songs mixed over. This song takes The Lips' "One More Robot" and matches it up against Dead Prez's Remix of their hit "Hip Hop." Sick sick sick sick.'

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getting old...

i don't think i've ever posted a conversation with brother #3 before. have i?

me: what kind of car is this?
brother #3: it's a sports car.
me: i'd say the speed limit on this road is 30, wouldn't you?
brother #3: yeah...
me: i'm sure i saw you doing 40...
brother #3: shut up. ok?
me: ok.

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yesterday i managed to convince niece #3 her dad's car wasn't a 'vee double-yoo' but a 'vee dubya.'

sister #5 started her job at claires a few weeks ago. she was filling in some paperwork for them yesterday, and spent the evening walking around saying 'what should i do with this wish form?' the thing is nobody, not even niece #4, stays in the same place for more than 30 seconds so it was very difficult for her to get anyone to pay any attention to her. but then she caught me and brother #4 watching TV in brother #1's room.

sister #5: pleeeeeeeeease tell me what i should write on my wish form! i have to give it in when i go back!
me: start with 'i wish i was a little bit taller y'all!'
brother #4: yeah! and 'i wish i had a rabbit in a hat with a bat!'
sister #5: (unimpressed. we thought it was funny.) it's not that kind of wish form. look.
me: oh my god! they're making you fill this in? look what they're making her do!
brother #4: let me see that!
me: why did they give you that?
sister #5: i dunno, everyone who starts there gets it.
brother #4: yeah, what you've got to do is, you see these four boxes? you have to write my name in all of them.
me: hey wait! what about me? i think my name should go on there!

the wish form is an 'expression of wish' form or something. when i first started to read it i thought it might be one of those 'do not resuscitate' forms. but what sister #4 has to do is name four people, who if she were to die while running you through the special offers on nail varnish, nail files and nail stickers at the till, would receive a share of some benefit which is her salary multiplied by three. and she gets to decide how much each person gets. bet she wishes the family wasn't so big now, huh?

also: gmail! get your gmail! [link via pakp.]

bushra | permalink | |

J: So. Apart from indicating that your boss is the only thing about your job which irritates you, did they offer you the appointment yet?

i got my job. again.

brian: Congratulations! Again.
adnan: which job? what were you applying for?
J: Many happy returns of the day.

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