after the test tube babies talk, comes the what to wear to work talk.
'Me loves going shopping in da new bull ring,
Ave a beffy burger in da shiny Burga King,
Got loadza shops sellin' all manner ov tings,
Meks me so happy I cud blimmin' sing. '
oh, come on, don't tell me that every now and then, on very very very rare occasions you don't check out the birmingham discussion forums. no? well ok.
Ave a beffy burger in da shiny Burga King,
Got loadza shops sellin' all manner ov tings,
Meks me so happy I cud blimmin' sing. '
oh, come on, don't tell me that every now and then, on very very very rare occasions you don't check out the birmingham discussion forums. no? well ok.
talk of the weather.
me: ...worms all over the car park every morning.
Brian: I can honestly say that nobody has ever written that to me before.
me: ...worms all over the car park every morning.
Brian: I can honestly say that nobody has ever written that to me before.
i give you the fudge it line dance.
this has nothing to do with me. at all. honest. i mean, would i? don't answer that. you're not meant to answer that.
this has nothing to do with me. at all. honest. i mean, would i? don't answer that. you're not meant to answer that.
ooh look. gmail lets you invite up to two friends to try it out as well.
brother #4 had to get up extra extra early today. he's going to cover a shift in dudley.
6.30am:
me: so how are you going to get there?
him: the bus.
me: not the train?
him: nah, the train is too far away from the bank.
me: what bus?
him: aha! good point!
8am:
him: give me your phone, i'm calling the bus people.
me: ok.
him: oh hello, can i get information on buses to sutton coldfield please?
me: dudley! you're going to dudley!
6.30am:
me: so how are you going to get there?
him: the bus.
me: not the train?
him: nah, the train is too far away from the bank.
me: what bus?
him: aha! good point!
8am:
him: give me your phone, i'm calling the bus people.
me: ok.
him: oh hello, can i get information on buses to sutton coldfield please?
me: dudley! you're going to dudley!
'No conversations in the trash. Who needs to delete when you have 1000 MB of storage?!'
i like gmail, but that there is plain showing off.
i like gmail, but that there is plain showing off.
's good to talk.
J: This is what it all comes down to. Modern life is too cushy. It has wiped out natural selection. Earlier in history, most of the people who get on my nerves would have been dead by now. Their stupidity would have got them killed. However, modern life seems specifically designed to accomodate them; to enable them to flourish, in fact. Now what's all that about then, eh?
me: I swear I have absolutely no idea what I could have said to make you come up with that. But that's the best email this week. Maybe even ever.
J: This is what it all comes down to. Modern life is too cushy. It has wiped out natural selection. Earlier in history, most of the people who get on my nerves would have been dead by now. Their stupidity would have got them killed. However, modern life seems specifically designed to accomodate them; to enable them to flourish, in fact. Now what's all that about then, eh?
me: I swear I have absolutely no idea what I could have said to make you come up with that. But that's the best email this week. Maybe even ever.
Document not found: http://www.fudgeit.org/favicon.ico
ok, smartass, if 'fudge it' had a favicon, what would it look like?
ok, smartass, if 'fudge it' had a favicon, what would it look like?
question: am i having a bad day?
i got one of these for my desk. on one side i've written the word 'Yes' and on the other side 'No.' you pick it up, think of a question, then roll it onto your desk like a dice. whatever side is facing up, you get your answer. (J should remember this.)
answer: no.
i got one of these for my desk. on one side i've written the word 'Yes' and on the other side 'No.' you pick it up, think of a question, then roll it onto your desk like a dice. whatever side is facing up, you get your answer. (J should remember this.)
answer: no.
office neighbour at a meeting this morning: 'i'm anti-brackets.'
david brent only he's not david brent has sent everyone an attachment, an article about a project. email subject: Our Tickle.
is that funny? is it? do you have any idea how long it took for me to get that? also, i haven't actually seen a full episode of the office either, but i kind of get it.
david brent only he's not david brent has sent everyone an attachment, an article about a project. email subject: Our Tickle.
is that funny? is it? do you have any idea how long it took for me to get that? also, i haven't actually seen a full episode of the office either, but i kind of get it.
you know what would be really good? being able to read gmail on wap.
if the mother asks, the food here doesn't cost very much. otherwise she won't eat it out of guilt.
i could try and be all happy and cheery, but it's so much easier to be headachy this morning. shopping with niece #3 yesterday (happy birthday for today!). thank you bullring people for spreading all the shops i go to out over this hee-uge place so every ten minutes or so niece #3 likes to block my path and say, 'pick me up, pick me UP!' and try carrying her when you've got all that shopping! birthday present: nail varnish from red earth.
so we're sitting in sister #5's room. and sister #5 looks out of the window and says 'look at the sky. it's like a composite volcano. ash, lava, ash, lava.' and then she explained what a 'bloody composite volcano' was.
every now and then, she shows little signs of life.
every now and then, she shows little signs of life.
Father and daughter's SMS lifeline: 'An Essex man has taught himself to use text-messaging at the age of 81 so that he can communicate with his daughter who is deaf and has no speech. '
whenever i text the dad, i'm very polite, i use words like 'please' and 'thank you'. his are very very short and to the point.
like 'get home now.'
ok. i made that last bit up.
whenever i text the dad, i'm very polite, i use words like 'please' and 'thank you'. his are very very short and to the point.
like 'get home now.'
ok. i made that last bit up.
shopping a few weeks ago with niece #1.
me: if i ever have kids, i want a little girl who is just like you.
niece #1: how you can you have another one of me? there's only one me, you can't have another person just like me!
me: if i ever have kids, i want a little girl who is just like you.
niece #1: how you can you have another one of me? there's only one me, you can't have another person just like me!
so. it's thursday. the day before good friday. and then you've got monday off as well. i suppose thats excuse enough to not take your work seriously on the 'last day.' yesterday that story about acting like a chimp at work could be good for you was forwarded, today there was 'True Exam Answers' and 'Excuses for Kids Being off School' oh and one of those spreadsheet quizzes where you have to guess the 80's bands from the clues given. but that didn't keep me busy. no. this email discussion did. think of it as an insight into one of the many ways of getting content for this little site.
and another thing. the whole 'wait before you reply to an email that made you angry' approach? it got me three more emails of a similar nature. i don't recommend it.
and another thing. the whole 'wait before you reply to an email that made you angry' approach? it got me three more emails of a similar nature. i don't recommend it.
currently following procedure as detailed by office neighbour, on how not to react to emails that make you angry.
just, don't ask....
me: It would be impossible to grow a baby in a test tube. Pull yourself together, man.
J: That's the best line I've ever received in an email.
me: It would be impossible to grow a baby in a test tube. Pull yourself together, man.
J: That's the best line I've ever received in an email.
for the first time, like ever, i received an easter card yesterday. and then this morning, a cadbury's creme egg. i'm going to save it for niece #1.
ITV rapped over baby feeding joke: 'The Ministry of Mayhem showed a baby fed a teaspoon of (lemon) juice, before the presenter said: "Do it on your brothers and sisters as it's very, very funny." Programme maker Carlton said the juice was not harmful to babies.'
i remember a story sisters #1 and #2, and brother #2 (possibly brother #1) used to laugh about. apparently while their little brothers #3, #4 and sister #3 (that's me) were asleep, they would take batteries (those big chunky ones that go in smoke alarms) and stick them on our tongues. and you know what happens when you lick these batteries, right?
i remember a story sisters #1 and #2, and brother #2 (possibly brother #1) used to laugh about. apparently while their little brothers #3, #4 and sister #3 (that's me) were asleep, they would take batteries (those big chunky ones that go in smoke alarms) and stick them on our tongues. and you know what happens when you lick these batteries, right?
monday evening:
me: right, i'm going to go learn some hazard perception.
sister #5: we studied that in geography. why are you going to learn it?
me: you learned hazard perception in geography? how?
sister #5: yeah, hazards are hazards, and perception, that's all about water, innit?
me: er...what?
sister #5: perception is water!
me: you fool! you're talking about precipitation! shame!
apparently the dad is going to teach her how to drive.
me: right, i'm going to go learn some hazard perception.
sister #5: we studied that in geography. why are you going to learn it?
me: you learned hazard perception in geography? how?
sister #5: yeah, hazards are hazards, and perception, that's all about water, innit?
me: er...what?
sister #5: perception is water!
me: you fool! you're talking about precipitation! shame!
apparently the dad is going to teach her how to drive.
some office neighbours are debating this: Watching TV 'is bad for children'. recently i heard from sister-in-law #2 about how niece #2, who lives up north, saw an episode of balamory featuring milk, and cows. later she went up to her dad's sister and said 'you've got big udders.'
the point is, her aunt didn't have a clue what udders were but the niece did, so watching tv can't be all bad, can it? still, that's a funny story, innit?
the point is, her aunt didn't have a clue what udders were but the niece did, so watching tv can't be all bad, can it? still, that's a funny story, innit?
...dazed from the blow...
another reason why i'm not swapping my MD for an iPod mini. (hey, brother #3 was really impressed when i explained all the stuff my walkman can do. still no rocket launching capability but give it time.) also. i always imagined that if i ever got mugged, i'd bash the muggers face in with my phone as well.
[via linkmachinego.]
another reason why i'm not swapping my MD for an iPod mini. (hey, brother #3 was really impressed when i explained all the stuff my walkman can do. still no rocket launching capability but give it time.) also. i always imagined that if i ever got mugged, i'd bash the muggers face in with my phone as well.
[via linkmachinego.]
sashinka: i keep forgetting to link to this blog. currently featuring reasons why i should have just got a nokia 7250 instead of the samsung.
brother #4 has arrived home before 10pm. well, we're stunned. we're not quite sure what to make of it. the security light came on outside, and the dad said 'is that him?' and i said 'it can't be, it's too early.'
as he destroys all order in the kitchen to feed his stomach, he tells me about his day. he works in a bank:
him: i was working on the counter today, and at the end of the day, we have to do the balancing...
me: how much?
him: wait! the new manager, it was my first day back...
me: just tell me how much! i don't want to hear the story!
him: just listen! and she came up to me and said 'i've heard stories about you, please for my sake, do me proud.'
me: argh! how much?!
him: 72, 461 pounds. she was like 'a chair! someone get me a chair!'
me: whoa! wait, was that 72,461 up or 72461 down?
him: down!
me: ouch!
and then everyone says goodnight like they used to in the waltons. er, not!
as he destroys all order in the kitchen to feed his stomach, he tells me about his day. he works in a bank:
him: i was working on the counter today, and at the end of the day, we have to do the balancing...
me: how much?
him: wait! the new manager, it was my first day back...
me: just tell me how much! i don't want to hear the story!
him: just listen! and she came up to me and said 'i've heard stories about you, please for my sake, do me proud.'
me: argh! how much?!
him: 72, 461 pounds. she was like 'a chair! someone get me a chair!'
me: whoa! wait, was that 72,461 up or 72461 down?
him: down!
me: ouch!
and then everyone says goodnight like they used to in the waltons. er, not!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhh
that whole time my atom/rss/xml/whatever feed has been sitting in my files, and i didn't know it. doh!
that whole time my atom/rss/xml/whatever feed has been sitting in my files, and i didn't know it. doh!
argh
you know how there are some things you never forget? i'll always remember how when i was a kid, when i was in class 7, nearly everyday after school i had to run past two of the most annoying girls in school, because they were determined to stick my hand through a car window. there was a dog sitting in the car you see, it would always be parked outside our school after 3pm, and if you went near it the dog would start barking all crazy. anyway. i always took the long way home.
wait, what was i talking about? oh yeah. yesterday, when i went into the living room, niece #4 (age 2 and a half months) and nephew #4 (age 9 months) sat on their mothers laps. and when they saw me they both looked at me, both expecting me to pick them up. you could see it in their eyes 'pick me up! pick me up!' a very tough decision, honest. brother #2, the parents, and the mothers of the babies all waited to see who i picked: and because i hadn't picked niece #4 up at all that day, she won. this time. nephew #4 doesn't like to leave his mother for one minute anyway.
you know how there are some things you never forget? i'll always remember how when i was a kid, when i was in class 7, nearly everyday after school i had to run past two of the most annoying girls in school, because they were determined to stick my hand through a car window. there was a dog sitting in the car you see, it would always be parked outside our school after 3pm, and if you went near it the dog would start barking all crazy. anyway. i always took the long way home.
wait, what was i talking about? oh yeah. yesterday, when i went into the living room, niece #4 (age 2 and a half months) and nephew #4 (age 9 months) sat on their mothers laps. and when they saw me they both looked at me, both expecting me to pick them up. you could see it in their eyes 'pick me up! pick me up!' a very tough decision, honest. brother #2, the parents, and the mothers of the babies all waited to see who i picked: and because i hadn't picked niece #4 up at all that day, she won. this time. nephew #4 doesn't like to leave his mother for one minute anyway.
sister #5 arrived home yesterday evening, and fell onto her bed, exhausted. 'the first thing i did when i left work, i ran to the shops and got something to eat.' after that it was all 'gimme a break, i was at work today.'
brother #1 didn't look too impressed when she added it was a four hour shift.
brother #1 didn't look too impressed when she added it was a four hour shift.
now i normally stick pictures on the moblog, but i think this one deserves a special mention:
this was taken on tuesday, when it was sunny enough to have lunch outside by the canal. office neighbour S was also there:
me: this must be the only advantage of working in this area...
him: hmm...
me: i mean you can actually sit outside and not worry about noisy people rushing past...
him: (bored) yeah...
me: look! ducks!
him: the best thing is, around this whole area is a steel fence, so you don't have to worry about people attacking you with knives and stuff...
me: getting the hang of this, aren't you?
this was taken on tuesday, when it was sunny enough to have lunch outside by the canal. office neighbour S was also there:
me: this must be the only advantage of working in this area...
him: hmm...
me: i mean you can actually sit outside and not worry about noisy people rushing past...
him: (bored) yeah...
me: look! ducks!
him: the best thing is, around this whole area is a steel fence, so you don't have to worry about people attacking you with knives and stuff...
me: getting the hang of this, aren't you?
guess i might need to learn a bit of Russian if i want to get a copy of this.
how many posts is that for today?!
how many posts is that for today?!
J: 'Have you seen this link before? It has some really good pictures, plus you can join in with the traditional Great British game of laughing at Johnny Foreigner's grasp of English (of course, my Russian is fluent).
And no, it isn't dirty.'
if that doesn't convince you, here's what the main page says:
'GHOST TOWN
my rides through chernobyl area
beginning of a story about a town where one can ride through with no stoplights, no police, no danger of hitting any the living thing... '
And no, it isn't dirty.'
if that doesn't convince you, here's what the main page says:
'GHOST TOWN
my rides through chernobyl area
beginning of a story about a town where one can ride through with no stoplights, no police, no danger of hitting any the living thing... '
i bet sister #5 went to school today and all her friends were going ‘a-a-a-a-a-h! did you watch eastenders yesterday? that was baaaaaad, man, innit!’
brothers #1 and #2, the mother, sister #5, niece #1, nephew #4 and me in the living room (it's like counting magpies, innit). we're watching eastenders and it gets to the part where dennis punches sharon in the face, and we're all sitting there quiet. except for me, i gave out this little shout when he hit her. well, it looked real to me!
niece #1 is whispering in sister #5's ear. i catch 'look at bushra and brother #2...' before her voice fades.
me: how about we pick up niece #1 by the feet, and flush her head down the toilet?
sister #5: she said 'look at them watching tv. they think they're posh.'
oh, and i'm still not talking to sister #5 either.
sister #5: you need anger management classes!
me: you need a good kicking!
brother #2: how about you just give her a good kicking, that way you sort your anger management out, and everybody's happy.
brothers #1 and #2, the mother, sister #5, niece #1, nephew #4 and me in the living room (it's like counting magpies, innit). we're watching eastenders and it gets to the part where dennis punches sharon in the face, and we're all sitting there quiet. except for me, i gave out this little shout when he hit her. well, it looked real to me!
niece #1 is whispering in sister #5's ear. i catch 'look at bushra and brother #2...' before her voice fades.
me: how about we pick up niece #1 by the feet, and flush her head down the toilet?
sister #5: she said 'look at them watching tv. they think they're posh.'
oh, and i'm still not talking to sister #5 either.
sister #5: you need anger management classes!
me: you need a good kicking!
brother #2: how about you just give her a good kicking, that way you sort your anger management out, and everybody's happy.
i want one of those: nokia 6600...
brother #1 filmed little clips of niece #1 at her school assembly yesterday, with one of these...
when i first saw it i thought it looked like a bar of soap. but i definitely want one. it's mad innit, wanting to get a new phone all the time. one team member is still doing ok with her 3210.
brother #1 filmed little clips of niece #1 at her school assembly yesterday, with one of these...
when i first saw it i thought it looked like a bar of soap. but i definitely want one. it's mad innit, wanting to get a new phone all the time. one team member is still doing ok with her 3210.
you know what's really stupid? keeping a scorecard of who (out of the two people who very obviously don't like each other) wins during each exchange/debate, and then telling one of them about it.
headaches again this week. a few weeks ago it was a bad tooth, but it can't be the tooth because i had it taken out. for some odd reason, when i'm in pain i always think the best form of relief is just to completely bash my head in with a hammer or something. or like when i hurt my foot, it went all green and purple and someone chop it off, please! you can imagine how happy i was when the tooth came out. funny kind of pain relief, eh? this week i thought it might be hayfever or something, everytime i leave the house in the afternoons i can smell fresh cut grass, but the real cause has been identified.
it's the coffee/tea/hot water vending machine. approximately ten steps away from my desk. the machine makes all those coffee maker sounds, a little door opens, you take out your hot beverage and the door slams shut. this week the little door won't slam shut once but at least five times, like it has a stutter or something. it's hard to describe the sound, except that it really f*cking hurts. at least 100 times a day people are using this machine, and my head is killing me for it. apparently the People Who Control Everything thought it had been fixed on tuesday. i've been um-ing and ah-ing about whether or not to stick an 'out of order' notice on it, but an 'engineer' is working on it now.
it's the coffee/tea/hot water vending machine. approximately ten steps away from my desk. the machine makes all those coffee maker sounds, a little door opens, you take out your hot beverage and the door slams shut. this week the little door won't slam shut once but at least five times, like it has a stutter or something. it's hard to describe the sound, except that it really f*cking hurts. at least 100 times a day people are using this machine, and my head is killing me for it. apparently the People Who Control Everything thought it had been fixed on tuesday. i've been um-ing and ah-ing about whether or not to stick an 'out of order' notice on it, but an 'engineer' is working on it now.
8am and noisy office people conversation just doesn't give in:
#1: how have you managed to reconcile that bacon sandwich? eh? eh?
#2: i haven't.
#1: thought as much.
6 hours of meetings today. i'm going to sleep.
#1: how have you managed to reconcile that bacon sandwich? eh? eh?
#2: i haven't.
#1: thought as much.
6 hours of meetings today. i'm going to sleep.