fudge it

Saturday, it's a Saturday

me: don't you just hate it when they do that?
sister #4 tell me about it!
brother #4: what? when they do what?
sister #4: when people listen in to your conversations.
brother #4: that told me. wait. who am i? (pretends to fall asleep)
sister #4: bushra, is there anyone you haven't shown those pictures?
me: well actually...
brother #4: i had this really bad nightmare last night, i had a dream that bushra ruled the planet.
me: oh, wow!
brother #4: i said it was a nightmare!
sister #4: innit!
me: no don't go away! so what did i do?
brother #4: you sat there on your stupid throne all day.
me: i had a throne?!

bushra | permalink | |

17.30 pm. sitting on the bus home with sister #4. nelly furtado is singing the closing song on her new album on my md. i look at my sister and she's fallen asleep. and i think 'aaaaaaah.'

then i quietly start laughing to myself. the old lady on my other side looks a bit baffled. i'm thinking. do i sit here and watch sister #4 sleep? of course not. you show no mercy when you have a camera phone. she didn't even hear the camera sound the phone likes to make when you take a picture.

of course they won't be appearing online. but i took some other pictures, go see. in the meantime, sister #1 is showing those pictures to the mother: 'the poor girl, she's exhausted!'

bushra | permalink | |

i'm too scared to speak. right now i feel like if i open my mouth, i'm going to be sick. bitchin' headache, innit. this could be a problem. people will be coming to work and asking how eid was. that's if they know what eid is.

but eid was nice. i actually took two days off work for it. that's two more days than i normally do. it was fun.

it's 8.07am, where is everybody?

the end.

bushra | permalink | |

i'm in serious danger of neglecting this blog for this one.

bushra | permalink | |

some people (you know who you are) have really interesting dreams. like the mother. she had a dream about mangoes. and she got two more grandsons for it. trust me. there's symbolism in there somewhere. when the first was born she said (all the way from pakistan) 'i tell you, the day before i had a dream and there was this really ripe mango in it!' sister #1 and sister-in-law #1 'ooooh'-ed knowingly. i dunno. anyway. this morning i had a dream that a helicopter was flying over the neighbourhood, throwing free chewing gum everywhere. i managed to find nine packets in the garden. when i shared this dream with some of the family (try fitting us all in one living room), they all looked at me in frustration. 'you're seriously f*cked up, you know that?' said brother #4. hmm. maybe it was one of those dreams that bring bad luck.

bushra | permalink | |

more pictures on the moblog. it's friday. be gone!

bushra | permalink | |

yes, but where are the pictures?

the pictures have moved to this address. i will be posting more pictures from the oh so good camera phone soon. promise.

meantime. articles like this are meant to teach people like me a lesson. i just know it.

bushra | permalink | |

i just had to share this.

team leader: i saw this poster once, it said 'where there is a bend in the road, it's not the end of the road, but a turn in the road.'
N: i saw a poster once as well, it said 'shit happens.'

that's right. i actually paid attention at a meeting today.

also:

noisy office women: where did you put those pictures of martin johnson and jonny wilkinson?
noisy office guy: i put them in the bin, why?
noisy office women: (all gasp at the same time) why? why did you that?
noisy office guy: wha? wha?
noisy office woman: we were going to cut them out and put them on the wa-a-a-all!

pitiful.

and another thing. the first post on fudge it was exactly a year ago today.

bushra | permalink | |

tiny mix tapes: look for the Automatic Mix Tape Generator. I just like the titles alone:

- Songs to Beat People Up to
- Songs to quit a crappy job to
- Music to wake you up from a boring ass job in a library
- Songs To Prevent Me From Gouging Out My Eyeballs With A Dull Pencil Due To The Sheer Boredom Of Living In A 1200 Population Town

bushra | permalink | |

so i'm sitting on the bus home, right. one stop before mine. and this man gets on the bus, and says to the driver in his welsh accent:

'scuse me, i want to get to hollywood.'

i dunno. it's not about the accent, any accent would have been fine, it just sounded funny innit.

buffy: how long until sunset?
giles: any minute now.
brother #4: look, they're opening their fast!

bushra | permalink | |

slipped on water again. only i fell much harder this time. this foot isn't going to stop until it's broken. it hurts.

the dad: why weren't you looking where you were going?
me: oh that's right! another opportunity for you to call me a shit-for-brains, this is!

bushra | permalink | |

roth spot: crap coffee: so scarily similar to my job, but then it isn't. i mean, what do i know? anyway. i was at villa park today, with team member #2. work thing. so we're sitting there, when the authority says in a tiny voice behind us: 'mingle, mingle!' me: 'i'm gonna go look at the pitch.' that's three i've been to now. the first two were huddersfield's mcalpine stadium, and leeds elland road. and not a football in sight. impressive.

bushra | permalink | |

so hey. i think i've been blogging in my sleep. that's right. i mean, how else can i explain myself as a referrer to these three blogs?

http://www.akksess.com - 'brian's education blog.' not to be confused with this brian. it's impossible to, really.
http://www.malixya.com: 'opening pandora's box' - hmmm.
http://www.worldnewslog.com - 'a war news blog.'

no hyperlinks - because then i would be referring to them when i'm actually not. i don't mean this in a mean way, but why would i?

also. i lost my sim card. again. not a crap week, but a crap fortnight.

bushra | permalink | |

today i slipped on water that i didn't see on the floor. and now i have this huge bump on my foot. kind of like the bumps you get on your head when you bumped it as a kid. i mean, everybody does that, right?

knock on the door. it's the best friend of sister #5.

me: oh, WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

she stood there frozen in fear for 2 whole minutes. it was worth it.

anyway. i was telling brian about work, well about someone at work:

me: D: 'everything okay there? Or has bushra gone to sleep?'
brian: Nice.
me: D: 'oh, well I'm having my lunch so there!'
brian: Lovely.
me: D: 'Have a fun-packed weekend.'
brian: And you haven't killed him yet, why?

would you look at that. i think this D is david brent. and if you're not convinced by the above, did i ever tell about the meeting where he told us how he got stuck in a lift once, and if the Nolan sisters had been there, it would have been a whole lot nicer?

bushra | permalink | |

J: There's a mail out going on here. They've got the radio on. Heart FM. It's like Chinese water torture. Apparently Heart FM has about ten singles which it plays continuously. Today I have heard C singing along to Avril Lavigne. I have heard a tune called Swing Low Sweet Chariot [??] THREE TIMES. There's Celine Dion. There's Shakira. There's Blue. It's a killer. All of this is punctuated by ten minute periods of advertising for mortgage companies and car insurance companies and double glazing companies.

enough to put you off local radio in birmingham? wait til you see this.

bushra | permalink | |

so, how was your day?

sister #5: so i need these jeans for non uniform day, and when are we going to get my new coat does it look like summer out there to you and i can't believe i got detention at school even when they knew i was fasting -
me: you know what i thought was funny? the way the parents were shocked you were kept from eating - and not about the fact that you were in detention?!
sister #5: looks at me. anyway! if i post a letter today before 6 today, when do you think it will arrive in acocks green?
me: tomorrow! who are you writing to in acocks green?
sister #5: my friend, she was suspended after we all got into a fight, some girl called me a bitch and my friend went POW! one potato.
me: two potato.
sister #5: three potato.
me: four! there! now f*ck off!
sister #5: so, how does it feel having a really cool camera phone, and finding out that your baby brother has got one exactly the same?
me: you're tapped. you've been tying that scarf round your neck and your brain too tight.
sister #5: you know when you try to be funny? does it hurt your brain? is that why you get all those headaches?

my feet won't stop buzzing. i can't stop tapping my feet. even when i'm sleeping. what's that all about?

bushra | permalink | |

funny looking playground.

bushra | permalink | |

ow! my head hurts. not the 'hit by a baseball bat' kind of headache, or even the 'nail in the head' kind, more of a 'head that's been stuck in a vice-like grip.' still, kill bill is even better when you watch it with your face like this close to the cinema screen.

bushra | permalink | |

so i got a clear picture of the gas towers. but be honest. nobody wants to see a picture of gas towers. i think they caught my eye because the dad told me how they worked once. we were driving past the same towers a few years ago and he told me about how they work with such enthusiasm that i can't stop looking at them. can't remember the dad's story, and i still can't help watching them from the fifth floor. not in a gas-tower-spotting kind of way, mind. i dunno, maybe it's the lack of food. i told myself i wouldn't mention the fasting at every opportunity, because i'm doing so well (no, really). onwards. the rest of the day will be better.

p.s. to turn up the heating i have to phone the office manager. as if.

bushra | permalink | |

ew! no! and er, what?

cold, so cold. i'm going to find this air conditioning switch...

bushra | permalink | |

noisy office person in the far left corner: did any one see that thing about rod stewart last night?
noisy office people:.....

now there's a surprise.

i was going to post a picture of the gas towers near work, two of them were almost full. decided against it. but then this morning they were almost empty and the third one was full. if i get to take a picture of it (visibility is poor) then i'll post them on the moblog.... what am talking about? no idea.

bushra | permalink | |

What I wouldn't do for a cup of tea, right now. The kind your little brother offers to make, sweet tea, only he hasn't stirred it enough, so that when you finish it there's a whole load of sugar left in the bottom of your mug. I suppose I could turn up the heating here, but I haven't even found the light switches yet.

bushra | permalink | |

so, how was your weekend?

morning. nice weekend? someone here has referred to his weekend as 'just one of those boring november weekends.' twice. does he know something about weekends that i don't? what did i do? i have no idea. i never could remember my weekends. seriously. ask me how my weekend just went and i really couldn't tell you. every monday morning, it's like a killer question: 'do anything nice for the weekend?' argh, i just want to be able to do nothing.

bushra | permalink | |

elevator music

sure i'm fasting, but that doesn't mean i don't take a break at work. i head up to the fifth floor and sit there watching neighbours or something. (the fifth floor = canteen. plus tv. plus showers. i know. i figure i'll eventually go on about how strange this place is, and not talk about the job itself. smart, eh?) that lyn scully, forget post-natal depression, she's starting to look a bit demonic, isn't she? and libby aka kym valentine is not doing a good job of hiding her pregnancy either.

so anyway. the elevators, oh whatever, the lifts here make me act really really stupid for some reason. the first time, i nearly got stuck in the doors. the second time, team member #2 hit the buttons for the second and first floor, knowing that i'd get out at the second when i should get out at the first. yes, it worked. no, it wasn't funny. and then friday. i walked out of the lift when it made a stop on the fourth floor, where the danny devito lookalike got in. 'nooo' i wailed in a teeny tiny voice as i got back in. danny devito said something, i can't remember what. but he was sympathetic. yes, i said we have a danny devito lookalike here. and there's more of them. lookalikes i mean. don't even think about asking for pictures.

my googlatives have changed. did i just say that?

bushra | permalink | |

let's watch a fil-um

a bit of a movie related post. one thing we all agree on is that we like watching films. friday evening:

niece #1: i want. to go. to the. PARK!
me: it's dark. you can't go to the park in the dark. because there's monsters in the park when it's dark. whoa.
brother #1: let's watch a film. let's watch donnie darko.
niece #1: nooooo. i want to watch the film with the man with the tights on his head.
me: wh-a-a-t?
niece #1: and then he goes to the chemist and he steals the nappies! i want to watch that!

yes yes, she wants to watch raising arizona. i should add that she slept through finding nemo. so she's good when it comes to picking films. unlike this kid:

sister #5: oh yeah, brother #4 says he can get us a copy of 'actually love.'

look. another picture. remember my pointless rambling on about the birmingham wheel? well now you can see a picture of some funny looking 'hoops.' nothing spectacular. they just hold giant billboards with ads on them. i mean, just look at them. why? why would people do that?

bushra | permalink | |

please, please don't let this be sister #5.

i'm taking comments off. 1: because i've seen blogs where the comments are getting spammed. 2: no big deal, right? 3: what if it is sister #5?

bushra | permalink | |

also. the (a-hem) wheel of birmingham. wha-a-a-t?. no i'm not going to go on it. i can see it from the fifth floor at work. i'd take a picture but i'd have to stand on the roof terrace thingy, and there's no way i'm going out there in this weather (a few weeks back, after stamping my feet a few times i realised that what looked like stone paving wasn't stone paving, but some sort of hollow plastic floor that just looks like stone, well dodgy). enough. all the office blocks tower way above this wheel, and then on the bus home last night i saw it all lit up. i can't watch, really i can't.

so on the intranet homepage on my pc, there's this hyperlink to me, and they've taken my picture off my ID card and stuck it on this page that's all about me! eek! yes, you are bushra, this is what you look like, this is where you work. y'know, in case you forget.

bushra | permalink | |

in at work at a very unhealthy 7.30am. but then i get to leave at 3pm. but that's not what i want to talk about. what the hell is this?

bushra | permalink | |

me i want to write about the office here, but i'm not sure, i keep thinking i'll get in trouble for it.
brian: I won't tell.

the noisy office people aren't moving after all. the boss saw to that. other news today. don't tell the mother this, but the reason she's so cheerful this week is because i've been making her take these one-a-day pills. at 18:30pm, the daily alarm on my phone acts as a reminder to hunt her down with a glass of water in one hand and a pill in the other. evening primrose oil. they were 'buy-one-get-one-free' at the shops, innit.

here's a tip. those little minidisc storage cases that come free with every pack of 5? well, i've lost count of how many times it doubles up as a trap for spiders:



and yes. i let it out in the garden.

bushra | permalink | |

ok. so it's back again. but then this thing never goes away, does it? i just wanted to add a third column for the blog photo album type thing, that's all. not that happy with it, but it'll do. for now. the funny thing is, i doubt i'll be sticking more pictures up until i install the pc link cable from the pc to the phone. picture messaging costs a bloody fortune!

bushra | permalink | |

stop

one of those headaches that make the text on your screen appear all fuzzy. 28 minutes. to. hometime. and when i do get home, what are the chances that the mother won't attack me with a pakora and say 'EAT!'

bushra | permalink | |

saima has put up links to a couple of posts on her blog about ramadan. one from 2001 (this one has lots of ramadan-related links) and the other from 2002.

i have to admit the past couple of years i haven't been very good, mainly because i kept getting really bad headaches, but i've done all right so far this year. i got up at 4.30am today and made tea for everyone. even the parents were stunned.

bushra | permalink | |

40 emails in my inbox when i got back today. 40! so i had this plan to get into work early, given i get up at 4.30 every morning. but i was too scared of the dark.

Bushra. When your new camera phone is operational and you have determined how to use it, I reckon your weblog is going to go nuts.

so hey. it’s been how long since i got my camera phone? a week? a week and a half? irrelevant. crazy text and/or picture messaging addict that i am, there should be like millions of pictures on the blog. i’ve taken part in a face pulling contest, where i managed to win without having to pull a face myself (nieces #1 and #3 won it for me. trust me. i’ve tried ‘say cheese’ but it never works.) i’ve taken pictures of sister #4 trying on hats and posing in h & m, pictures of the garden, 1970’s style salad plates, and very bizarrely, a picture of brains. not human. don’t ask, then i won’t have to go into how brother #2 looked at me as if i was mad for wanting to take a picture. anyway. i guess i should start working on something. what else. oh yeah. a rainbow, innit. nice.

bushra | permalink | |