fudge it

ow! that hurt

must show this to sister #5. she's on brother #1's payroll for cleaning out the fish tank, you see. which reminds me, i haven't watered mum's plants in a long time.

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Mail Message Quarantined...again

A message from j@hotmail.com to you with the subject of False hallucination explanation was quarantined because it contained a number of words in the profanity block list. For further information or to have this email released contact ---.

don't you want to be working here right now?

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i have to hide food at home. because sister-in-law #2 eats everything. every day she arrives at around lunch time and heads straight to the fridge. then it's over to our living room, she'll kick you off the sofa so she can sleep on it. for a few hours. then she goes home, right after dinner. she offers to help clean, but she has very bad eyesight (what? wear glasses and look ugly?!).

why am i telling you this? because i left my 'easy peel mandarins' at home, innit!

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sign the card, innit
time to sign another birthday card, and again i um and ah about what my birthday message will be. i could always look to what other people have written for er, inspiration...

- happy birthday, hope you have a wicked time! god bless you...
- have the best birthday possible
- happy birthday have a great day
- happy birthday from me and my mom
- hope you have a fab day
- have a great day
- best wishes for a great day
- have a fun-filled day
- happy bday

someone has just signed with their name and that's it. maybe i'll do that. but what if it comes across as a bit, i dunno, mean? i already refuse to sing happy birthday at card and present giving time, so what? what do i write? i've got it! 'enjoy your birthday.' how's that?

my in tray is currently 149 pages high. i suppose i should do some work.

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ah yes, the matrix

argh! brother #4 and i eventually decided on this one, unaware we had a little audience as we argued in the supermarket. see that coat mr reeves is wearing? i bought a very similar coat by firetrap (56kers beware) in january didn't i, so when people at work look at the magazine, it's 'bushra, he's wearing your coat!'

i suppose i should get round to booking some tickets to actually go and see the movie as well. but it's oh so easy to get sidetracked by the latest bollywood offerings at stab star city.

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sibling rivalry

the parents are still away (though i hear they will be back in the next four weeks or so). meanwhile back at the ranch, things have taken a very ugly turn as we all try to get along. sister #4 and brother #2 are at war. this isn't just any old argument, where everyone just cringes at the verbal and physical punches being thrown. no. what began as a small squabble over burnt toast has become a battle of the brains, a la Test the Nation. due to take place on 4th May. stakes are high, what does the winner get? brother #2 has no formal qualifications at all, and sister #4 is nearly done with her 'a' levels. i thought my idea of a facial hair removal ban for the next year was perfect! but no. loser pays 100 quid to the winner. and i'm adjudicating, or whatever. kind of like the way i'm in charge at home. it's a messy job, but someone's gotta do it.

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i so did not! did i?

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the guy who lives across the street is begging outside the kwik save. he cycled over to our house on a late summer evening once, mum chased him away with a broom in her hand. he just wanted to let us know he was having a house warming party, and there might be some noise (there was). what do you do to stop yourself falling asleep on the bus home? why, wapblog of course.

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help me out here. is there a mother/brother/father/sister day happening this weekend? there are five people sitting on this bus with bunches of flowers in their hands.

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like, bottled water at room temperature water only

after Qibla cola comes Qibla spring water, Qibla lemonade and a Qibla fizzy fruit drink. sister-in-law #1 said how she thought Qibla cola was awful, and apparently aunt #1 only served it up on our day visit to bradford because some nice person came round and gave her a few bottles of the stuff. for me? well it tasted very much like the panda pops cola. only panda pops were still way better. [link #1 from brian]

...stupid stupid paper cut! (and of course the huge stationery budget we have does not cover first aid kits. fudge it.)

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used to temp here.

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easter break + death in the family = away message

1st day off of the 3 i get for easter.
3am wakeup call. my grandmother has died.
i spend the whole day trying not to sleep because of my stupid contact lens, and now i can't sleep at all.
sister #2 has come to stay, with niece #2, nephews #1 and #2, as well as sister #1. and don't forget uncle #1 with cousins x,y, and z.
niece#2 and i go to the supermarket. in the frozen food aisle she follows this couple of goths with her eyes, and when they are gone she looks at me. 'don't. say. a. word,' i tell her.
nephew #2 makes a brave attempt to climb into a hee-uge pot of curry sat on the kitchen floor (for all those people that came to pay their respects today), just like obelix.
oh, and absolutely no sympathy for the bump on my head from the bus incident, which is to be expected.

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sister #2 used to be crazy about this bunch, sister #5 fell ill with the same problem when she went to pakistan a few years back.

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bloggers with bruxism.

at work. i want to say something really mean now, but instead i shall say 'argh.'

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mild concussion

what do you do when you hit your head on the side mirror of the bus?

you say 'sonofabitch!' and keep walking.

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you have mail

"Bushra! Some fricken cheese-eating surrender monkey has changed the colour on your weblog! I curse their moustache. Tonight they sleep with the fishes."

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mario golf, day 50

brother #2 has moved on from days of beating mario at golf ('you...ugly...bastard) to trying to beat bowser ('you...ugly...fat...bastard'). i told him about how i saw len mattiace crying on the tv. he laughs about it trying to explain why. then bowser does a 'perfect' shot where the golf ball goes flying through the air leaving a rainbow coloured trail. boo hoo.

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it's revlon, innit!

me: someone has gone crazy on the charlie red next door.
K, S and M: you what?!
me: charlie red! the spray! you know, charlie silver, charlie gold, charlie sunshine, charlie!

and not one of them knew what i was talking about. K: here you go.

oh hell. a post about cheap perfume. this is as good as it gets, man. wait. spruce driver, the latest download for my phone.

to the person who left minidiscs on the bus for brother #5 to find: what were you thinking?!

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don't make me choke on my skittles

i take a call. C's phone. i explain to the caller that she is away until next wednesday.
him: is she back next week?
me: yeah.
him: so she won't be back until next week.
me: that's right.

his visits to the office are even better.

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the honda advert. this morning brother #4 was reading a story about it in that paper you get free on the bus, apparently it took 606 takes to get it just perfect. that's right, no strings or glue or whatever. i just like the music at the end ('grandmaster flash,' says K, 'nice ad, shame about the car'). [link found on something.]

reinvigorate DAS. the pitch is 'real time site stats.'

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mailbox empty

J: Just to let you know, one or two people have pointed out to me that you seem to be lacking enthusiasm in the workplace. I think we should try to nip this in the bud and take a more proactive approach until your training in September. Just remember, my door is always open if you're having any work-related problems.
me: buzz off.
J: This is exactly what I'm talking about. Now, how can we take 'buzz off' and try to channel that energy into something more productive? Try to think of three ways in which you could focus more positively within the service delivery sphere.
me: don't make me use the f-word.

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bradford, bradistan, oop north

they obviously can't do anything until i get there. 'contact' i have had with bradford uni: i called a taxi from my office to take some paperwork over (1500 newsletters to be exact). 'you watch' i said, ' i bet you it'll be someone i know.' and it was, aunt # 6's brother-in-law. fantastic. of course i didn't have to pay the fare! [link from brian.]

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ehh, eminem's a devil worshipper

i also heard (heard? more like shouting in my ear) this in bradford:

"In the suite, on the news/Everybody dog food/Bang bang, shock dead/Everybody's gone mad/All I wanna say is that/They don't really care about us/All I wanna say is that/They don't really care about us..."

courtesy of cousin no x. (they're all x. there's too many of them.) "what happened to that eminem CD i bought you?" i asked. see above. oh, and michael jackson's a saint, is he?

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"that must have been one complete shit-for-brains that left a leaky bottle of injector fluid in the bin yesterday."

brother #2: "yeah. must. be. the. same. dipshit. that. left. that. giant. bottle. of. motor. oil. out. today."

argh. must find more blogs to link.

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my site meter stats are now unlocked. so now you can watch yourself watching my blog.

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blogs that have been sick/ill with cold/flu.

blogs that have checked al jazeera.

blogs going on about optimus prime.

blogs that have had a root canal.

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this ain't no anger management class.

no, it is not ok to wear deep heat to work and expect the office to take in it's oh so horrible smell. try some f*ckin' tiger balm next time, won't you?

when i go home tonight, i'm going to start conversation with brothers 1, 2 and 3 with: "that must have been one complete shit-for-brains that left a leaky bottle of injector fluid in the bin yesterday."

haha. (link via brian, innit).

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"innit?! up 'ere, we say int' it. flippin 'eck these brummies are right tapped..."

the only way to sum up my day in bradford? i bought coca cola instead of qibla cola. unforgivable. whatever. if i had my way, i'd have watched balamory with my sisters kids the whole time. but no, you've got to see this person and that person. they've had kids since you last visited, and you have to visit them or they make an issue out of it.

you know when you're in some conversation, and you're not really listening but just nodding your head in agreement? i do that a lot in bradford. anyway here's a snapshot of two conversations i had that made me stop nodding and wake up and smell the er, cola:

aunt # 6: 'ere! i hear they set a date fer yer weddin'. april next year 'int it?
me: ?!?

aunt # 6's mother: 'come and sit by me. how much are you earning these days?'
me: ?!?

outside a mob of kids are chanting 'five currant buns at the bakers SHOP! round and fat wi' a cherry on TOP!'

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take the A38...
cows! sheep! diverted traffic!

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welcome, to AO-Hell

yippee! have registered with a new isp, uninstalled my aol browser and notified my next of kin. now, i just have to sit on hold for 30 minutes while i tell 'em goodbye.

no work tomorrow. dunno whether the boss is too happy with it, she told me that it was 'OK' via the wonderful medium that is text messaging. i'm off to bradford to congratulate one aunt on the birth of her daughter (like, 5 months ago! she is so going to kill me!) and another aunt on the birth of her son yesterday. i have to dress up and stuff. ugh. blagh. etc.

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the name of this mosque does stand out a bit, doesn't it?

the funniest media clip i've seen yet, posted by adnan.

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so. sister no 4 ordered some flowers for a funeral on thursday. the story about the death of my dad's sort-of nephew left a lot of us a bit dazed. it's the first time i've seen brother no 3 sit and watch the wedding video just to spot him, no one gives a crap about the wedding anymore.
anyway, brother no 1 (he went to UMIST y'know) thinking he's the most 'civilised' being in the house, looks down at us and asks 'did anyone get any flowers for thursday?' brother no 2 replies in his drawl: 'yeah, sister no 4, went to the florist, they're gonna cost 20 quid' and looks at him when he mentions the price. brother no 1 is feeling all guilty and says 'ok, let me know when she's picking them up and i'll give her the money.' brother no 2 replies: 'oh, kay.' (think stevie from malcolm in the middle). soon as brother no 1 leaves the room brother no 2 laughs a really evil laugh. cheeky bastard had already got the money for the flowers from me the day before.

on a lighter note, people at work found the details of my phone bill amusing: 500 text messages sent last month. i spent 10 times as much on text messages than i did on phone calls. you try and do the maths. i don't want to know.

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email junkyard (sent folder):

"...i'll come clean. the traffic generated from salam pax? i don't want it! i don't need it! i had a nice quiet little blog going and BAM! now i feel like i should be doing what every other blog is doing (writing about the war, comments, etc). before salam pax the blog was what i wanted it to be, but now i haven't got the foggiest idea what to do with it! the irony being that this pax bloke linked to it because he probably liked it for what it was before the noise.

painkillers, i need painkillers..."

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sister-in-law no 2 has been here since september and yesterday she said her first innit.

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bad day:

1) my contact lens went and tore itself up.
2) it's raining.
3) it was too windy to even think about using my umbrella.
4) my right shoulder hurts so much due to some serious gardening yesterday.
5) people are wandering around our office testing an alarm. i'm the person nearest to said alarm, so when they set it off my right arm shoots up to cover my ear. ouch and OUCH!
6) i have a headache.

part of an email conversation at work:

her: what did the post you have gone for entail?
me: to be honest, i really can't remember.

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i'm working on a minidisc that i can listen to when the sun is really shining so much it blinds me on the bus home...so far i have 43 tracks, 147 minutes left. any suggestions? leave 'em at the guestbook, or my inbox.

i'm going to change the colour scheme on here i think. this is too 'black cherry' yogurt, if you know what i mean.

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