fudge it

selfridges

clearly i have absolutely no idea what i'm talking about, it is not a golf ball, or a silver kidney-shaped building, but holy moly! it's a caterpillar!! maybe dad banning me from studying art beyond gcse level was a good idea after all.

(link thanks to brian. he trawls the web for useful reading, so i don't have to.)

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the boss just asked me if i wanted some milk? eh? so, when do i tell her that i'm leaving early...

well actually, it's funny she asked me that. sister no 1 (yes, there is a sister no 1) reckons i'm getting headaches because my 'brain is dehydrated. drink some hot milk before you go to sleep, and then see if if you've still got a headache.' and if that doesn't work i suppose i could always try a can of coke.

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we're going to have a new selfridges store opening in september. the whole building will be looking something like this. the building is built on a corner, and when you're sitting on the bus on your way to work approaching the city centre, all you see is this giant silver kidney shaped thing just sitting there in front of the oh-so-stunning birmingham skyline. no, no i don't like it.

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away day.

today we were out of the office, much to the curiousity of everyone else, and sat in a meeting room coming up with 'ideas and stuff.' ALL day. from 10am til 430pm. i'm typing this in because i feel like i should have something written down here every day thanks to all the traffic. but i've got a headache, i'm tired, and the only highlight of the rest of the day is that i don't have to make the evening trip to the supermarket, because i don't trust the folks at home with money. be it 50p or 50 quid. and there's just me and the super in the office, and it's really quiet outside as well, and oh, fudge this, i'm going home.

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don't give it to war. one way of looking at it.

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A CD-R for Tony

popjustice are putting together a 'We Don't Want No World War Sequel' mix-tape for Meester Blair, and they want your picks. what i want to know is, what will they do if lee ryan starts plugging them with his efforts?

lots of work to do today. lots. also, is now a silly time to go on about how nephew no 2 manages to recognise me on the phone? i have to do the "Eye-eye-eye-ah" bit in this song.

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me: my blog doesn't mention an ounce about the war, mainly because i don't think i know enough about it.

brian: Ummm....this is the internet: since when do you need to know anything about a subject in order to comment on it?

fair point. and i suppose a lot of the people visiting this blog are expecting something about it then disappearing when they find it isn't. but leave a mark anyway, won't you? why? because...?

me: d'you know i got stuck in the middle of a football riot once?

brian: Do I want to know?

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dad just called from a canal bank somewhere on the jhelum river. you could hear the music playing on the buses and cars that drove by. he was going to phone later when jig and i were having lunch, but he phoned too early. we were only going to discuss the insurance on one of the cars anyway.

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anadin extra, 16 pk, normally £2.15 but for a limited period only 99p at Boots. go go go! i'll shut up now.

and another thing, who else would you go to for the best insight into the Oscars? only industry expert brian, of course: An acting award for Catherine Zeta-Jones? Come on: are you shitting me?

now onto more important matters. i have to order to some shoes for my big sister. i think i'm beginning to get all the unruly siblings under control now (step forward, brothers 2, 4 and 5, sisters 4 and 5). and before you think ha! maybe she needs more of a challenge, be aware i have a niece/nephew due on the 15th july by sister no 2, and a niece/nephew due on the 16th july by sister-in-law no 2. i'm going dizzy just thinkin' about it.

so much for a minimalist and insightful post.

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on a sunday afternoon
i mowed our football pitch lawn yesterday, when i look out of the window, it looks like summer is here. earlier i went out with the nieces to put out some old bread for the birds (niece no 3 finally said my name properly, shrieked more like, so i would get her out of the baby swing; niece no 1: 'hello birds, please come and eat the bread!')

i'm at the kitchen table, this excellent view of the garden, you get the picture. i've got all this paperwork for a job application, the sun is shining, garbage are playing on sister no 5's stereo (the one I bought her for her birthday) and my headache is pushed to the back of my head from the coffee and co-proxamol. the house is empty, except for me and brother no 4 (jig). he's asleep upstairs. i expect he'll surface at 3pm and say 'breakfast!'

this idea of a really nice sunday should last for the next two hours at least.

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Hey, I see there's a link to your site on the latest Blog of Note --- has your traffic increased?

turns out this whole lotta traffic is thanks to salam pax at where is raed? (courtesy of brian damage, p.i.). thanks for the link, hope you're ok.

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Why is it that when you call someone by their name at least 10 times, they can't seem to hear you? And then your voice gets louder and louder until you give up and yell 'You deaf cow!' and that's when they finally hear you! ugh, now i have a headache.

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so, how's work?

(work) is the great Land of the Dead and the House of No Hope. Nothing ever happens here. The staff always outnumber the borrowers, and we only have two staff! Days here are usually very long, so we try to liven them up by swapping chairs, going for long walks (replacing books), and when we're feeling really adventurous, we might consider climbing the stairs to the balcony (yes, we've got one of those here, too) to tidy up the newspapers. I mean, what fun. What endless joy.

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gridlock (found it here). look out for level 23. the only proof i'll have that i made it to level 24 is if i don't delete my temporary internet files. doh!

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finally, a "3 column split" design on my blog! i give it a week before i want to change it again. i found this template on 1greeneye. great if you're a whizz with scripts and stuff, but i stuck with this colour scheme and did some sort of css thing with it. don't ask me what exactly i did, because i'm not quite sure myself.

i have to phone and check in with sister no 2 today. do i lie and tell her that everything is just fiiiiiiiiiiine at home, or do i start bawling my eyes out about how i think i might bash at least two of my brothers brains out in their sleep?

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today i am here with sister no 4. she wants to do accounting, combined with either law or computing. what can i say, she's going wild.

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i had to give jig my lunch today. he's doing overtime this evening. here's the deal: i wake him up, make sure his ass is on the bus before eight and he arrives to work on time. i have make sure he has lunch (he arrives here at approx. 12.30 every day) then send him on his way to his afternoon shift. this all started last week. given i wasn't around wednesday to friday last week doesn't count. i was sick as crap on wednesday, and i still woke him up. he honestly can't see what a kid he's like. he's 23 by the way.

so i'm thinking, this can't last long, and then the mothership gets in touch. 'knowing that he goes to work everyday with you, makes me rest so easy inside.' that's right ma, you take it easy and work that tan. just kidding.

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7:15am

'(jig. jig. JIG!)'
'uh?'
'look up.'

so he opens his eyes and looks up. what follows is 'YA!' and the quickest jump out of bed i ever saw. the nieces loved it. i hadn't even taken the cap off my bottle of water either.

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i read in a pinched-off-brother-no-4 copy of empire magazine that julianne moore is to work with morgan freeman on freedomland. i just knew it would be turned into a film sooner or later.

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why, why, why does it feel like when you get back to work, that everything has somehow changed? people aren't quite the same as before, it's all kind of quieter. when i walked through the office next door, even they all seemed different. i couldn't quite place it. K is cool, as soon as i sit down she's got like, all these issues that i need to sort out asap, and the boss is away for the next couple of days, so i'm 50% not quite sure what the hell to do. people are going to be calling me soon, and i don't know what to do. that's cool.

i'm talking, but it sounds more like croaking, by the time i get to the end of my sentence my voice can't be heard at all, it's all wheezy. i get up to go make me a coffee. OH MY GOD, someone's moved the furniture around and tidied up in the tea area/kitchen/staffroom! nope, that's not it. reminds of me those dolls in the nescafe ads for hollyoaks ("There's something different 'bout you Jo, wha' is it?" she, fell asleep under the sunbed.)

aw, f*ckit, i hate it when the all-important-archives disappear.

K is saying 'ohmigosssshhhh' over and over in her daughter's voice. which brings me on to my next bit of blogging, er, stuff. in the kitchen yesterday night, the laptop seems to work so much better there. brother no 2 walks in, looking for food. 'ugh, i feel like i'm gonna be sick,' i tell him.
'why?'
'i-dunno. prolly cos i gotta go work in the morning.'
he laughs. 'nah, you've never been the same since they got rid of ally mcbeal.'
my turn to laugh.

none of this makes any sense at all.

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brother no 4 (y'know, jig) is on a good behaviour bond. if he steps out of line, i give away everything i've read up on 24. back to work tomorrow. i sound like the lawnmower on a good day.

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adnan tells all about sxsw 2003. i also know from a reliable source that he has food poisoning, but he's not going to brag about that now, is he?

niece no 1 is insisting on feng shui-ing my room (teacher training day) until i get up and take her to woolworths and then the park. later.

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oh. my. god. for the first time ever, blogger lost my post. or was it AOL? ugh. eek. and so on.

now then. how to pass the time when you're sick, and you have the rest of the week off anyway? why, catalogue/index/organise your minidiscs of course! all 65 of them, in my wicked muji storage cases, (i would have linked to them but it seems you can't get them online anymore). make that 64 minidiscs. no-one admits they have a westlife minidisc. for the record, sister no 5's best friend gave it to me, and i couldn't say no could i? and no i haven't listened to it yet. not fully anyway.

65 minidiscs. i used to have 65 floppy discs when i was a student. a policeman counted them for me, i have no idea where they've all gone now.

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turns out it's maple, not daisy. well excuuuuse me.

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the 'beautiful thing' that is my phone ringtone.

mario golf 64 is really picking up at home. the more courses you complete, the more characters you get. the bro's have found luigi's girlfriend daisy, and they seem to think the other characters might look just as cute. mission: hide the nintendo and blame it on sister-in-law no 1. evil i know, but needs must. i feel like eastenders is just whizzing by.

lots and lots of junk software. it's where i found my ringtone, innit.

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at my desk. i argue with brother no 2 on my phone for about 2 minutes (the fact that i can't do the muted telephone voice doesn't help). he hangs up. i look at my phone and mimic his 'wah-wah-wah.' no one bats an eyelid.

they're all too busy saving the world.

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if the supervisor goes on about her project management course one more time, i will bang my head on my desk. i will, i will, I WILL! or with one deft kick of the left foot i could always switch off her pc while her back is turned...

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the last time i had to deal with a-holes was at uni. someone i worked with at the time suggested this book. i never did get round to reading it. and now i have to deal with an a-hole at work, and the only way i can sum up what it is like is with the picture on the cover of said book. boo f*cking hoo. i'll have to slip laxatives in her tea or something.

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A message from j@hotmail.com to you with the subject of Re: Mail Message Quarantined was quarantined because it contained a number of words in the profanity block list. For further information or to have this email released contact ---.

my god he's doing it again! i am so gonna die for this...

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Mail Message Quarantined
A message from j@hotmail.com to you with the subject of I would rather be ill at home than well at work was quarantined because it contained a number of words in the profanity block list. For further information or to have this email released contact ---.

uh oh. i actually got a message from brother no 4s email server once, telling me my email was rejected due to the use of a very bad word. and then there's all that trouble i got into about email in job no 3. one day, i might even tell you all about it.

thought: am i going to be 'watched' from now on?

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i had a nice lisp going on yesterday afternoon. no-one is letting me forget it at home. this morning sister no 5 asks me for 20p for the bus to school, so i say: 'no i haven'th, thorry.'

a text message i sent yesterday: 'drill on tooth on upper jaw wiv no anaesthetic. three injections on lower jaw oh and i have lost use of half my tongue. in all an ok day dontcha think?'

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i really don't want to go to the dentist this afternoon. ugh. i feel sick.

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mario golf 64

"ok, so if you get it one under par, that's a birdie, and one over par is a bogey?"
brother no 4: "yeah."
"what does the voice mean when it says 'nice on!'?"
brother no 5: "means good shot."
"well why can't it just say that? and why is donkey kong only using one er, hand?"
brother no 4: "look, this is supposed to be a relaxing game!!!"

nintendo gamepaks get chucked about quite a bit in our house.

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lots and lots and lots of new pictures at exploding dog.

brother no 4 used to send bills like this, lucky he doesn't work at british gas anymore.

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that kids show, words and pictures. with the magic pencil drawing the letters. only this version has the GE logo on it, along with different colours and stuff.

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i suppose i should say how sorry i am. during my break on Friday afternoon, my colleague noticed i was having a cornflakes bar with my cup of tea. 'what's that?' so i show it her. 'what's the fat content'?
'fat content?' i repeated, 'you go from what's that to what's the fat content??' why not, 'oh what's that you're having, a cornflakes bar? is it nice?' what the hell is that all about?'
i think i ruined her break, but she sorta ruined mine first. so i guess i'm not sorry. and it's 4.5g in case anyone is wondering.

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